Archive for Big Important News

Hi. My name is Jeff. Some of you already know that. Good-bye. I’m retiring Dyspathy to cover metro Detroit full-time at MLive.com. Things will be different at MLive. For the better, I think. My writing style will stay true to Dyspathy’s essential elements: dated pop culture references, sentence fragments, and an gleeful desire to lance the boil of hypocrisy festering on our region’s ample hindquarters.... Read more→

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Once in kindergarten I had a schoolyard crush on this girl, so I kicked her in the shins. Most people grow out of that phase, others don’t. That’s all I’m saying. (CNN, The Onion)  Read More →

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Oh hell. Let’s just consider the above video sufficient comment on Rochelle’s latest Helen Lovejoy-esque screed. (Freep)  Read More →

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Two years ago this November, Democrats booted old John Dingell from his committee chairmanship. Now voters are maybe, not really, thinking about booting Team Dingell from Congress. After all that Debbie Dingell has done for you, this is how you repay her? Thinking about maybe, not really, voting for a non-Dingell? For shame. At the end of the day, this story has more to do with the Shauer-Walberg... Read more→

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I don’t believe you can truly understand Detroit without first understanding Vaclav Havel. His absurdist dramas, based the society and government of a Soviet-dominated Czechoslovakia, easily reflect the culture of Detroit’s government, corporations, and civic life. Endless bureaucracy for the sake of bureaucracy, content-free jargon, and the overriding timidity of groupthink. Havel’s Czechoslovakia... Read more→

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Poor thing, she’s lost her mind.  Read More →

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By now you’ve heard about the theft of the mayoral vehicle’s wheels. No doubt taken by the same suburbian interests who stole Cobo Hall and DPS. Seriously what the hell people? Who steals Dave Bing’s rims? He seems like a factory-issue wheel kind of guy. Whatever, we can never allow this to happen again. As Mayor Bing himself recently explained, it’s up to citizens to stop crime because God... Read more→

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While the Republicans are busy eating their own, the Democrats are holding the boringest political convention since anyone paid attention to the Prohibition Party. Jocelyn Benson and David Leyton were pre-nominated months ago. And everyone loves Lansing anger bear Virg Bernero. Except for Andy Dillon, but he’s probably still on vacation. Anyway, the only remotely exciting thing to happen at the... Read more→

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Famous nerd Rick “Michigan” Snyder found himself a nice, outstate conservative to be his running mate, so everyone thought right-wingers would be happy. Everyone forgot that regular ‘Mericans just want their country back. And they won’t put up with these corrupt backroom deals whereby a party’s elected gubernatorial nominee selects his or her running mate, as is the long-standing custom.... Read more→

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OMG, Dyspathy headline writing department! Why are you guys so insensitive? Rochelle Riley bravely explained that Dave Bing isn’t right-sizing Detroit. That’s the wrong word. He’s redefining Detroit. After months of transparently secret work with planning guru Toni Griffin, Dave Bing is ready to implement phase one of their plan. As Bing will probably explain to Jim Gray on the ESPN (cable channel... Read more→

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