Archive for June, 2009

Detroit discovers menstruation; blossoms into womanhood Bill McGraw’s awesome column “Are You There God, It’s Me Detroit” is named after that not-as-funny-as-Tales Of A Fourth Grade Nothing Judy Blume book. McGraw basically suggests that most Detroit politicians are third-rate Bible-chuckers. A cross between William Jennings Bryan and Boss Tweed. Not to brag or anything but we said that on... Read more→

Categories : State of the State
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No wonder the pension funds make shitty investments. Who can pay attention to balance sheets and pro formas when Googling stuff like “precious big cocks?” Someone was sad to learn that Google linked them, not to the hardcore barely legal gay pornography they (BRC and the right Reverend?) probably crave, but to a stupid blog post about the Cobo Hall parking garage/death trap and Mike... Read more→

Categories : Big Important News
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Dave Bing to world: little help? Ten months ago, convicted felon Kwame Kilpatrick left office because all of his work was complete. The city, according to the convicted perjurer, had a balanced budget and Papa John’s opened in the city. Also people enjoyed that Super Bowl. Detroit was back, baby! Then all hell broke loose. First, Joe Harris used some new age alchemy known as “honest accounting”... Read more→

Categories : State of the State
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Holy hell there’s been a lot of news lately. There’s already more than we can fit into tomorrow’s regularly scheduled State of the State. So we put together this special edition featuring stories gleamed from the blogs. Even if you decide to return the RonCo Food Dehydrator, keep this post as our free gift to you! Detroit must lift Monica Conyers in prayer The Feds are ready to charge Monica... Read more→

Categories : State of the State
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Rayford Jackson surrounds himself with large men The local shit processing mogul pleaded guilty to bribing Monica Conyers Councilperson A yesterday. He took the deal but he’s no rat. Except of course for that part about the Councilperson he bribed. Hey good luck with that no snitching thing. Jackson surrounded himself, in and out of court, by a veritable bukkake of large male bodyguards. We aren’t... Read more→

Categories : State of the State
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“Democracy is the worship of jackals by jackasses.” – H.L. Mencken It’s fitting that local slug Rayford Jackson, surrounded by a gaggle of bodyguards (in a totally non-homoerotic way), pled guilty in the Synagro case the same day as Tehran’s streets filled with hundreds of thousands of pro-democracy protesters. The analogy between what’s happening in Iran and what isn’t happening... Read more→

Categories : Jackals & Jackasses
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Ugly American tourists run city pension funds Meet Detroit pension fund trustee Ronald Garcia. This douchebag with a comically obvious comb over spent over three months and $100,000 traveling Asia to learn about really bad investments for city pension funds. Detroit workers own something like 400 units of Glengarry Farms. If looks are anything to go by, this Garcia fellow probably did a little sex... Read more→

Categories : State of the State
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Well, you slobs might as well just kill yourself now. The Red Wings lost game seven last night. Sidney Crosby and the Pittsburgh Penguins have ripped the precious jewel known as the Stanley Cup from Detroit’s grasp. This is what Barbara-Rose Collins warned us about. Read more→  Read More →

Categories : Big Important News
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Categories : Weekend Filler
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What do you mean there’s no direct deposit? Robert “Bob” Bobb continues with his “flashy” ways. He’s verifying that everyone who works for Detroit Public Schools actually exists. Employees had to pick up their paychecks in person. How unfair to the dozens of families that rely on phantom DPS employee paychecks just to make ends meet. Bobb never thinks of those people. All... Read more→

Categories : State of the State
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