Archive for December, 2009

Let’s get Dyspathy a big chunk of that pension board money First, we need a fancy resume. So let’s say I studied English at the Sorbonne (actually that explains so much) and worked as a senior international correspondent with the New York Times. No, that’s too pedestrian. Everyone writes for the Times at some point. Even Charlie LeDuff. I was managing editor of Foreign Affairs. That’s better.... Read more→

Categories : State of the State
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Peter Hoekstra is yellow Oh God, why are we still talking about that half-wit who tried to blow up his underwear on an airplane? Because Peter Hoekstra is scared and he’s hoping you’re scared so you’ll send him monies. Hoekstra will use that cash to run for governor so he can protect our airplanes. Not like that European fairy guy did with actual heroism but with more fundraising letters and... Read more→

Categories : State of the State
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So did anyone see that story earlier this month about Missouri Speaker of the House Rod Jetton? You know, the one where Jetton beat the ever-loving shit out of his mistress because she didn’t use the proper safeword…because he allegedly slipped her some roofies. Well, we’d like to suggest a new S&M partner for Rod Jetton: U.S. Representative Candice Miller. She cold gets off... Read more→

Categories : Big Important News
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A very al-Qaeda Christmas Famous trustifarian closet case Osama Bin Laden isn’t content tagging his rent boys. Instead, he sends them to blow up airplanes. Everyone has a fetish. Bin Laden’s latest twink failed like a bitch, so we worry if the terrorists are just taking cheap shots at Detroit. New drinking game rule! If someone suggests al-Qaeda hates our Detroits, go to Slows, wash down a Triple... Read more→

Categories : State of the State
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Categories : Weekend Filler
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Categories : Weekend Filler
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Categories : Weekend Filler
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Categories : Weekend Filler
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A stopped clock is right twice a day In the fraternity of governors, Jennifer Granholm is Flounder. She looks at 2010 and is all “oh boy this is gonna be great.” Maybe she doesn’t realize all that stimulus money was a one-time thing and next year’s budget will be hell. Or maybe she doesn’t care. If you keep saying things will be better tomorrow, one day you’ll probably be right. And on... Read more→

Categories : State of the State
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So here’s the deal about “fiery and bombastic” political consultant/federal defendant Sam Riddle’s domestic violence arrest. According the Free Press, Sam was cold banging some other unidentified woman when live-in girlfriend and former state representative Mary Waters came home. While the unidentified woman lauded Riddle with “adulation and admiration” for his,... Read more→

Categories : Big Important News
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