“Democracy is the worship of jackals by jackasses.” - H.L. Mencken My fellow Americans, I stand before you tonight, in this magnificent chamber, for my first State of the Union address. I could tell you a tale about how my life validates the American dream and that, despite our current challenges, the state of the union is strong. Well, I’m not going to waste your time or mine with any... Read more→

Monica’s Brassiere Emporium and Sam Riddle makes a good point The convicted felon wife of House Judiciary Chairman John Conyers was out shopping one day and decided she wanted to open a bra store. Monica’s Secret? Monica’s of Rosedale Park? John’s Closet? If she does open her unmentionables outlet, we’ll totally give her a free ad the on the sidebar. Provided Monica doesn’t model the... Read more→

Monica Conyers is Monica Conyers crazy The Sam Riddle trial is like the Super Bowl plus Seinfeld’s 5th season plus All The President’s Men. Day one was that good. According to the tapes, Riddle said Monica (don’t call her Monica) was crazy “beyond medication” and barely capable of fulfilling the terms of her dirty deals. And Argh! Sam and Monica were “political pirates.” Awesome. Ken... Read more→

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Dull Free Press columnist Brian Dickerson is worried that all this energy to root out public corruption might distract law enforcement from fighting gang violence. Wait, what? It’s not like there are Purple Gang shoot-outs in the streets these days. Hell, when was the last time anyone saw YBI rolling around in Suzuki Samurais? Dickerson is always worried about consumer fraud. Does selling your... Read more→

Your move, Karmanos Last year, February 11, to be exact, Peter Karmanos hired convicted felon Kwame Kilpatrick. At the time he said Kilpatrick would have no margin of error. Kilpatrick performs like everyone else, keeps his nose clean, etc or he’s out. Here we are some 344 days later and a judge just called Karmanos’ all’s boy a lying sack of shit. In court. That doesn’t happen to people... Read more→

Detroit leaders are old, not gay Dave Bing, Brooks Patterson, Bob Ficano, and Paul Gieleghem had a pow-wow at the Detroit Economic Club and it was a super popular event. Like the Lady Gaga concert according to moderator Carol Cain. Larfs! Or it would have been larfs if the Economic Club luncheon wasn’t attended by olds who have no idea about this “Lady Gaga.” These foggies barely understand... Read more→

Mitch Albom facilitates commerce Poor Mitch never understood the auto show. It was just a bunch of cars in a convention center. He couldn’t figure out why people cared. Then he got to do commercials for the auto show and, like a man who commercializes an old man’s last days, Mitch totally gets the auto show! It’s important because times are tough blah blah blah. If you’re unemployed, this... Read more→

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The Granholm Legacy: diminished expectations in a third world Michigan The feds will give Michigan $224,000,000 to demo old houses. We need to tear them down because Michigan doesn’t have enough residents to fill our housing inventory. Also, we’ve let hundreds of once vibrant neighborhoods go to shit. If that’s not necessarily Jennifer Granholm’s fault, it is her responsibility. “It’s... Read more→