Sep
28

YOUR ASSIGNMENT, DETROIT, IS TO DRINK SOMETHING BETTER THAN KID ROCK’S BEER

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They shouldn’t make it this easy. We’re all going to go blind from alcohol poisoning. Assignment Detroit: The Drinking Game rule 12: If they solicit the opinions of Kid Rock, Eminem, Jack White, or Brian “This Time” Vander Ark, drink. Twice if it’s Vander Ark. The end. (Assignment Detroit)

Categories : Big Important News

13 Comments

1

When I want to design something for people to savor and enjoy in their mouths, I think the best words to use are “BAD” and “ASS.”

Mr. Rock’s marketing Dept must also be straight out of the trailer.

2

Grandcircus, I could forgive him if the beer was okay, but its worse than drinking a god damn Bud Light that someone left sitting in the sun for 6 hours.

I hate Kid Rock. Absolutely loathe his existence. If he is going to be “ambassador of Detroit” or some bullshit, we’re fucked.

3

I love Kid Rock extolling the virtues of Wal-Mart.

4

WHENEVER I see Kid Rock I always think Macomb County. Just for kicks, I wiki’d him. He’s from Romeo.

5

He also reminds me of the Clarkston/Not-on-a-lake Waterford/etc area. I just shudder and think of some of the sights I’ve seen at the Meijer on Highland out there… ugghhh

6

Hmmm…Ghettoblaster or BadAss? Me thinks I’ll keep drinking the former.

7

I spent a few decades in Texas before migrating to Detroit, and Kid Rock couldn’t hold Willie Nelson’s roach. Well, OK, he’s probably done that, but he’s nothing compared to Willie. Or Lyle Lovett for that matter. (If you tired of Ghetto Blaster, have a Shiner Bock in Willie’s honor.)

8

Does referring to newspaper coverage of Detroit’s decline as “ruin porn” mean we have to take a drink then take a twirl on a stripper pole?

http://www.freep.com/article/20090929/BLOG36/90928073/1011/NEWS09/Are-we-obsessed-with–ruin-porn-

And if it does, what steps are being taken to make sure Carlita doesn’t take a bat to our heads when we do?

9

I’ve lost track of how many rules there are, and maybe this was covered…

If they (the media) try to lift Detroit through Glaswegian allotment-style urban farming, or resurrecting decrepit relics such as the Bob-Lo boat…drink a scotch and Towne Club soda.

10

I think it’s great that any drinkbilly with a ryhming dictionary and a gutair can become a political analyst. My only fear is following his lead too quickly, for fear of being called an “imitator”.

“…the way its facilitated and presented to one another is this big racial barrier divide horseshit…” (the Kid)

oh Poppy Harlow, how can you resist our gritty, sophisticated Detr-icon?

11
Downriver's Friend
October 1st, 2009 at 8:55 am

Actual e-mail on ESPN SportsCenter Thursday morning…in response to Lions win over DC…

crespondek wrote…”Not only did the Lions win for a desparate franchise, but they won for a desparate city amid a horrible economic downturn. Their win inspired the Motor City on Sunday.”

Come on cr…it’s not even 9:00 am, and already you’ve got me drinking! I’ve got to go to work today!

12

Um, dude. Haven’t you been to the movies lately? They call Kid Rock “warrior,” so I wouldn’t f with him if I were you.

13

Hmmm. Beer. Detroit. Kid Rock.
I’ll drink to that!

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