Oct
26

The Freep won’t Pick Flick, Team Kilpatrick sold out Detroit in $10,000 increments, and shove some cockroaches in your mouth

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Winning candidates will have bestest junior prom ever
Detroit’s election is like an SGA race. Unlikable people making absurd promises to win ultimately meaningless offices. Receivership what? Kwame Kenyatta wants a city lottery and build an amusement park on Belle Isle. Joann Watson thinks the feds will give Detroit a bailout. Jai-Lee Dearing will lease city-owned land to cemeteries, the growth industry of the next decade. John Bennett wants to eliminate the health department. It’s not like the city has unusually high syphilis rates or anything. In the meantime, someone phoned in a bomb threat to Andre Spivey so, in this town, that probably means he’s the rare honest candidate. The Freep is also withdrawing their endorsement of Tracy Flick Charles Pugh. And, Alberta Tinsley-Talabi will let you grope her at “fireside chats.” Hot! (DetNews, Freep, more DetNews, and more Freep)

A Mike Cox attack ad suggestion
Gary Brown was doing his job and he was the best qualified. But Kwame Kilpatrick gave it to a political hack because of a sordid cover-up. Is that really fair? Mike Cox says it is. Mike Cox called Gary Brown’s allegations an “urban legend.” Cox supported Kilpatrick’s belief that a police officer’s political loyalty is more important than fighting crime. Your vote on this issue in 2010: For Kwame Kilpatrick’s cronyism – Mike Cox. Against cronyism – [Peter Hoekstra/Mike Bouchard/Rick Snyder/Tom George]. Match shot-for-shot with Jesse Helms’ infamous Hands ad. Air in out-state media markets. The end. (Freep)

Kwame Kilpatrick was a cheap whore
Let’s say you need $20,000,000 for some dubious investment scheme. And let’s say you think one of Detroit’s pension funds has the $20,000,000 you need. How do you convince them to give you the money? Find $10,000 in your cup holders and sofa cushions and give it to convicted felon Kwame Kilpatrick. That’s what is cost to get Kilpatrick to do your bidding back when he was the mayor. Pete Karmanos gives him that much money every month. That means Team Kilpatrick probably gave Compuware something really special. (Crains)

Ann Arbor is an Amy Poehler vehicle
Some Ann Arbor City Councilwoman sent mean texts and emails to some other Ann Arbor City Councilman during City Council meeting about a parking lot. A bunch of locals found out about it and they’re suing because all this e-chatter violates the Open Meetings Act. The Councilwoman’s election opponent is also angry. He’s only 23 but even he knows it’s wrong to text during a meeting. If elected, he’d write on his colleagues Facebook walls. But hey, at least they finally filled in the pit. What’s up with Rashida Jones’ short haircut? It looks terrible. (Annarbor.com)

This is how poors we are
A local yahoo crammed 16 delicious cockroaches in his mouth to set a world record. Maybe he’ll get a reality show now and escape the crushing poverty that is post-industrial Michigan. Oh you laugh now but when you’re still unemployed and looking for “work”, this guy will make bank on tv – floating in his balloon and stuffing insects in his mouth while his annoying wife and adorable litter of children do something as well. Look for it on The Learning Channel. Wednesdays at 8, 7 central/mountain. (MLive)

Categories : State of the State

5 Comments

1
Downriver's Friend
October 26th, 2009 at 9:03 am

I’d bet JoAnn Watson is the person behind the rumor that sent thousands of city residents to Cobo expecting to receive three-thousand dollar CASH payments from Obama. Detroit “deserves” a billion dollars? Clearly she believes that a black president is racially obliged to bail out predominantly black cities such as Detroit. The difference between Obama and Watson–Obama isn’t functionally retarded. Fuck off, JoAnn.

2

Mike Cox, you are the worst thing ever. I just hope someone has the balls to run attack ads against you mentioning the fact that you are a crooked shitheel.

3

After reading about the endless fail that is the upcoming Detroit election, and given the completely dysfunctional state of the candidates available, I think my voting strategy is pretty set. The only thing I can’t decide is what would be more appropriate to say in the voting booth: “Eenie, Meanie, Miney, Mo” or “My Mother Told Me To Pick This One.” Suggestions?

4

JoAnn may be a rib or two short of a full rack but at least she really does rant and rave on behalf of the poors. I’ll give her points for consistency.

5

Miserable cunt?!?!?! Why I oughtta smack you with my faux leather laptop tote bag. Or maybe with the pink one that matches my shoes.

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