Oct
29

Someone forward this to Glenn Beck, Swine Flu, Kwame Kilpatrick, and much much more!

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FBI kills Islamist Urkel or Obama consolidates power
Black president/secret Muslim super terrorist Barack Hussein “Barry Sorento” Obama began his plot to take over America in the womb. There, he forged his fake Hawaiian birth records and pretend Honolulu birth announcements. Some Islamist terrorists don’t approve of Sorento/Obama’s methods and are jealous of his success. When Obama/Sorento discovered that Dearborn-based radical Luqman Ameen Abdullah hired Russian dental hygienist/paralegal Orly Taitz to destroy him, he sent in the FBI. The Feds killed the radical cleric in a shoot-out. FALSE FLAG! Obama/Sorento consolidates his power. Like Hitler. Even odds, this makes Free Republic or Alex Jones. (Freep)

Swine flu is the new Legionnaires Disease
Children at 157 schools get a bonus vacation day because of the swine flu. Some people don’t like this swine flu thing because it’s deadly but, at Dyspathy, we love this wacky H1N1 virus. For the last 30 years, AIDS was the most urgent public health crisis in the United States. It’s nice to have a public health problem that involve moral histrionics about basic preventative measures being an abomination before God. Probably no one will say that H1N1 is God punishing the wicked. Oh wait. Can someone please punch the anti-vaccination paranoids in the dick? Starting with Jenny McCarthy and you know she totally has one. (DetNews)

Also, someome give swine flu to that Kilpatrick fellow
If convicted felon Kwame Kilpatrick did catch swine flu, at least we wouldn’t hear from him for like three weeks. He’s suing Mike Stefani for violating a confidentiality agreement by giving the Free Pressthe text transcripts prior to any the confidentiality agreement. Allegedly. We won’t know for sure until Paul Anger crawls out from the rock of “no comment. Kilpatrick is also going to court today to explain how he’s poors like Charles Pugh. Steve Wilson (totally by accident) ran into Kilpatrick at the airport. Together they seriously stressed an escalator step. Those things weren’t designed to hold 700 lbs at once. Kilpatrick  nattered on about his mayoral anointment. In the Theocratic Republic of Detroit, regular elections don’t matter. God makes all the decisions. Dear God, seriously? Amen. (DetNews, WXYZ)

Book Tower to be greened
Let’s say you had an idea to convert a vacant downtown office building to residential. You know, like the Vinton Building or 1001 Woodward. People would think you were crazy. After all, there’s a housing surplus. No one can sell a home anywhere in metro Detroit. Developers are practically giving away newly built units in Brush Park and midtown. Oh wait, you say, this will be different because the renovation will be green. In a way that living in existing downtown residential space wouldn’t be at all. Golly gee, why didn’t you say so in the first place. This sounds like the best idea since sliced bread. There’s no way it will fail. (DetNews)

Communist invasion destroying American Coney Island like its Harry Dean Stanton
The really good coney place next to the even better Lafayette Coney Island is having business problems because filming Red China’s invasion is closing all the surrounding streets. Also Patrick Swayze is dead so he can’t liberate American Coney Island Wolverine-style. The proprietor did have this to say: I was hard on you when you was growin’ up. I did things that made you hate me. Now, you can see why I did. I don’t want no more tears shed for me, ya hear? I’m not gonna be there for you now, you gotta look out for each other. Avenge me boys. Avenge me! (Crains)

Categories : State of the State

1 Comments

1

the most awesomest thing about the swine flu is I get to recycle my medieval plague doctor costume for Halloween. I didn’t think I would have a use for that after SARS hit the skids….well, that and the “eyes wide shut” sex parties with Nicole Kidman…

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