May
12

MARTHA REEVES HAD SOMEWHERE TO RUN, IS OUT-OF-BREATH; MALIK SHABAZZ FOR CHARTER COMMISSION; AND GIBRALTAR TRADE CENTER FUN TIME RIOTS

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Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life
It is petition deadline day and already some 94 candidates for Council have filed their petitions. Martha Reeves is one of those 94. The mentally dull and, apparently, out-of-shape washed-up pop singer literally ran her petition signatures into the Clerk’s office on Monday. What’s the rush, Martha? After all, the petition deadline isn’t until 4:00 PM today. Maybe she was late for her evening at the nickel slots. Or maybe time she spent in a psych ward after a bad acid trip scrambled her brain and she has no idea what the hell she’s doing. (Freep)

Monica Conyers is that crazy ex-girlfriend who wants her stuff back right now
Poor Monica was awaken at the crack of 10 to learn they changed the locks at the City Council President’s office because Monica doesn’t work there anymore. Monica is pissed. Really Ken Cockrel is the one who should be pissed because you just know that office smells like road kill. There’s so much we could say but Jonathan Coulton has already said it:The world’s against you, so you think or maybe wish it was/At least that way someone would care but baby, no one does, not even you/Monica someone is crazy and it’s you. (DetNews)

Usual dreck to re-write City Charter
The City of Detroit Charter is a mess. That’s why we have four mayoral elections this year and Martha Reeves on the City Council. Don’t worry though because a cabal of idiots will re-write the Charter. Let’s review your potential Charter Commissioners. John Johnson – Team Kilpatrick attorney who tried to hide the text messages. Edgar Vann III – son of homophobic Bible chucker and Kilpatrick ally. Malik Shabazz – enough said. D. Etta Wilcoxon – fringe mayoral candidate with silliest name. This is going to be the best charter ever! (Freep)

Well it’s about effing time
Sometime last spring construction was finished on the Dequindre Cut and it looked pretty sweet. Naturally the bike and walking path remained closed for the last year because…well because. It’s going to open Thursday and that will be pretty sweet. There’s going to be free lemonade and stuff. Also the Detroit Free Press klavern is convinced the Dequindre Cut will turn into some kind of horrible drug infested rape tunnel…like the underpass next to Matty Moroun’s train station. Yeah because Detroit can’t possibly have something like a modest rail-to-trail project. If we set our sights that high, we might actually have a nice city. Then what would Chesterfield Township have to bitch about? (Freep)

Gibraltar Trade Center is a horrible drug infested rape tunnel
Most weekends the Gibraltar Trade Center in Mount Clemens is a depressing place where desperately obese people purchase shitty craft products, old baseball cards, and comic books. It’s generally a pretty low key crowd. Except when they have a carnival. Then Gibraltar Trade Center is infested with roving gangs of homicidal maniacs and teenagers. Not the kind of teenagers who put boards in their comic books, the kind of teenagers who have sex and break things. If you need a pair of fake leather cowboy boots, you’ll probably want to wait a week. (Macomb Daily)

Rochelle Riley is talking stupid again
The only thing more embarrassing than the unemployed Klansmen posting on the Freep message boards is actual Free Press columnist Rochelle Riley. At least no one pays the clay-eating Alabama diaspora to write their nonsense. Riley actually makes a living spewing her special brand of trite bullshit. Today Rochelle tells us that Dave Bing has seven months to change the world and we’re living in a new Detroit where the candidates for Charter Commission will be benevolent souls only interested in the city’s best interest. It will be like that because Oakland County resident and North Carolina native Rochelle Riley say it should be. Did she see bother to see who’s running for Charter Commission? At least Stephen Glass’ made up bullshit was entertaining. (Freep)

Categories : State of the State

4 Comments

1

Heck of a blog you got here.

2

Glad to see you found a home. Martha should put her shirt on when at the beach.

3

I just laughed so hard I cried.

4

Great post! Just wanted to let you know you have a new subscriber- me!

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