May
14

DAVE BING TAKES US BACK TO THE GLORY DAYS OF TEAM KILPATRICK, SUPREME COURT JUSTICE JENNIFER GRANHOLM, AND CROTCH BURNING

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Team Bing is just Team Kilpatrick 2.0
Imagine if Barack Obama stood before the nation on January 20, 2009 to tell us that Dick Cheney was going to be his Chief of Staff and Don Rumsfeld was returning as Secretary of State. Rush Limbaugh gets a special job too. People, at least the 69,498,215 people who voted for Obama, would be pissed. Hell, Daily Kos would’ve gone Jonestown. Outsider/businessman Dave Bing could have named Joe the Plumber to his administration for all that it matters. In addition to convicted felon Charlie Beckham getting a choice appointment, Team Kilpatrick’s Chief Financial Officer Norman White returns as…wait for it…Chief Financial Officer. And yes, this was the guy who didn’t know the size of the city’s deficit. Gee, why couldn’t Bing find a job for batshit Sharon McPhail? Or wife-beating drunk Matt Allen? (Freep)

Let’s just vote for Barbara-Rose Collins again
There are 207 candidates for City Council this year. Put an ad in the newspapers seeking to fill nine $80,000 jobs and see how many applicants you get. We’re in the middle of a recession and City Council is easy work. The 13th floor is air conditioned and there’s no heavy lifting. Of course, this also means that most voters will stare blankly at the ballot (which include 6 Jacksons, 5 Johnsons, 3 Fosters, 2 Bells, and a Monica Conyers in a pear tree) before going: “Who are these people? I’ll just vote for the incumbents.” This won’t happen next time because Malik Shabazz (and his girlfriend, apparently) will re-write the City Charter. Onward Christian Soldiers marching off to war/with the cross of Jesus going on before. (DetNews)

At least she won’t be governor anymore
Unnamed sources say our beloved and highly effective Governor Jennifer Granholm is on the Supreme Court short-list. She did get that spiffy judicial hair cut before convicted felon Kwame Kilpatrick’s Mock Trial with J. Granholm so you know she’s totally qualified. Besides, even though he’s dead, Ed McNamara could really use a ringer on the U.S. Supreme Court. Granholm has been rumored for big-time Washington appointments before only to be passed over. Let’s hope that this Supreme Court shortlist is part of a carefully orchestrated plot by Obama to raise Hillary stalwart Granholm’s expectations before crushing her wildest hopes and dreams. Again. (MLive)

The blacks are leaving Wayne County like the whites of decades past
Macomb County is afraid for its white women like Rock Ridge after Cleavon Jones road into town with the Waco Kid. All the blacks are moving there. That’s nice. It will give Donald Lobsinger something to complain during these last (hopefully few) years of his wretched life. Say what you about metro Detroit’s racial divisiveness and our lack of regionalism but we can all agree on a few things. Number 1, the city of Detroit is run by an incompetent kleptocracy. And number 2, no one in their right mind wants to live in the greater Romulus area. Why so many believe the solution is Warren will be a question for the ages but whatever. This blog isn’t here to solve the great mysteries of our time. (Freep)

Actual headline reads: Teen pleads guilty to burning Ferndale man’s groin
Tyler Quick, 18, of Pleasant Ridge attended a party at the home of a 51-year-old Ferndale man. The old guy passed out and Quick decided to have some fun with the older gentlemen. He smeared make-up on the guy’s face and then lit a candle underneath his crotch. If that doesn’t scream Gordon Jump in a very special episode of Diff’rent Strokes then I don’t know what does. Probably that last part with the candle is what caused the groin burning. Quick is getting probation but that seems a little unfair. Farah Fawcett did a similar thing in that made-for-tv movie and she’s a Lifetime Movie legend. (MLive)

Categories : State of the State

2 Comments

1

I had to remember what day it was cause I thought it was April Fool’s day again, or Ground Hog day, or something like that. Is Dave Bing nuts? Maybe it’s the CAYMC, something is in the air there. (Like the ghost of the Coleman? It’s like, you a–holes elected that Kwame guy, a classless ghetto punk, so I am getting even with you folks for dispoiling my memory.) I think Bing’s taken the ‘keep your friends close, but your enemies even closer’ thing a little too far. This is way too upsetting for me early in the morning. I am now going to drink…

2

Sharon McFailure has been awful quiet lately, I’m getting nervous…

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