May
15

SHREDDED PENSION FUND TRAVEL RECORDS MAKE GREAT COMPOST, CIVIL RIGHTS ICON MATTY MOROUN, DICK PILLS, & TWITTER SHENANIGANS

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Maybe the pension trustees don’t know the first month is just $1 at Public Storage
The beleaguered trustees of Detroit’s public employee pension funds have so much responsibility. In addition to destroying the wealth of several thousand senior citizens and traveling the globe in business class, the pension boards are overwhelmed by documents and what not. Lordy, where will they put it all? The garbage. Detroit’s outgoing CFO Joe Harris doesn’t like that idea because of an obscure “standard operating procedure” that requires archiving public documents for at least seven years. Thank God Dave Bing fired that prude Harris. Norman White won’t be so rigid about “the law.” He’s so cool that he’ll probably help the pension boards shred the records himself. Change has come to Detroit. (Freep)

Mr. Burns gets himself some color
These awful white people, many of whom are black, Hispanic, or Arabic, support the new international bridge plan devised by the impartial US-Canada study group but they won’t support beloved trucking strongman Matty Moroun’s rump plan for a second Ambassador Bridge. Matty is tired of white people pushing him around. Like John Lewis on the Edmund Pettus Bridge, he’s standing his ground on the Ambassador Bridge. And he’s bought off convinced a bunch of minority groups to help him with his fight. Horace “motherfucking Sheffield is already helping the billionaire industrialist’s fight against injustice and, now, so is the mother of Manolo Garza, former state representative Belda Garza. (PR Newswire)

Local company to bankrupt WIC program
Michigan-based drug maker Pfizer is very concerned about this recession. All these unemployed people can’t get medication. That makes Pfizer sad. So the company is going to give away free medicine to the unemployed for up to a year. Actually that’s a really nice corporate citizenship program. So why did they decide to ruin it by including Viagra as a free drug for the poors? Yeah that’s exactly what this country needs, unemployed people able to have sex as often as medical science will allow. Nine months from now the unemployed will be a lot of extra mouths to feed. Didn’t Pfizer ever hear that Elvis song In the Ghetto? The child will grow up to be angry young man. And his mama cries… (Freep)

Saul Anuzis sues over twat fraud
Apparently someone sent a Twitter message to Saul Anuzis in support of a dreary piece of legislation known as the Employee Free Choice Act. Everyone on Twitter could see this message. Anuzis is angry because he doesn’t support that bill and if people who saw that message thought that he did…well you can imagine his embarrassment. How would he explain that to the teabaggers? You can see his concern. So Saul Anuzis is going to sue Twitter. Or write them a strongly worded letter. Or send then a message of 140 characters of less in protest. Something. By God, sir, Saul will not abide another tweet. (The Hill)

Dyspathy wants a tax break otherwise we’re moving to Pittsburgh
This humble blog is directly or indirectly responsible for the employment of 70,000 people and generates over $50,000,000,000 in economic impact for this state. Unless Michigan gives us a special lower tax rate, we are totally moving. Memphis is supposed to be a nice town. Oh what’s that? You question whether Dyspathy actually employs 70,000 people and contributes $50,000,000,000 to the local economy? Tough balls. Our numbers are just as valid as anything else. Anyone know anything about Austin? The state has no idea how many jobs are created or saved by its various tax incentive programs. You know, and this may be crazy, but if low taxes are the thing (except for maybe Ralph Nader or Leon Trotsky who doesn’t like low taxes?) maybe we could just lower everyone’s taxes a little and scrap the complicated incentive programs. Also we have San Francisco on the other line. Excuse us… (Freep)

Categories : State of the State

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