Durka durka Detroit, Jackie Currie loses the ultimate recount, and dumb things from Mitch Albom and Laura BermanBy
A very al-Qaeda Christmas
Famous trustifarian closet case Osama Bin Laden isn’t content tagging his rent boys. Instead, he sends them to blow up airplanes. Everyone has a fetish. Bin Laden’s latest twink failed like a bitch, so we worry if the terrorists are just taking cheap shots at Detroit. New drinking game rule! If someone suggests al-Qaeda hates our Detroits, go to Slows, wash down a Triple Threat Pork sandwich with Manischewitz wine, and draw a cartoon of Muhammad. If you’re a woman, wear tight fitting and/or revealing clothing also. (Freep)
Jackie Currie feels God working
Awful and incompetent former City Clerk Jackie Currie is dead. Who gets all those uncounted ballots in her basement? We may never know because her Will was probably stored at the Detroit Department of Elections and therefore destroyed in the various floods, power outages, and Biblical-grade locust attacks that always strike exactly when Jackie’s “ambassadors” were supposed to count votes. Good riddance. (Freep)
Laura Berman: Detroit doesn’t care about rich people
Gosh dang it, why are people being so mean to Peter Karmanos, Dan Gilbert, Roger Penske, and Jim Nicholson just because they paid convicted felon Kwame Kilpatrick to leave office? Why can’t people understand that, even though this loan meets the prima facie definition of bribing a public official, Karmanos and company did it to help you? We shouldn’t expect a tiny cabal of suburban businessmen to let the criminal justice process work itself out when they can, in secret, pay off a felonious slob. (DetNews)
Mitch Albom just wants to kick Muslims in the teeth
You people and your damned political correctness prevent Mitch Albom from beating Middle Eastern-looking people with Lester Maddox ax handles. Like in the good old days. When Morrie was alive. Fortunately, Mitch is very spiritual now so he isn’t afraid of the terrorists. That’s why he supports racial profiling to catch anyone who looks terroristy. Because John Walker Lindh, the shoe bomber idiot, and this black African with his fireworks pants all look like Hamas poster children. (Freep)
Little Caesars FAIL!
The third-tier college football game formerly known as the Motor City Bowl came and went. We forgot to watch this epic battle between Appalachian rivals Ohio and Marshall but we’re pretty sure someone won the game. We’re also certain that new title sponsor Little Caesars lost because, according to Deadspin, Hungary Howies was the official pizza concessionaire for the Little Caesars Bowl. That flavored crust is good stuff. At least they didn’t play this one on blue Astroturf. Outdoors. In Boise. (Deadspin)
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