Dec
28

Durka durka Detroit, Jackie Currie loses the ultimate recount, and dumb things from Mitch Albom and Laura Berman

By


A very al-Qaeda Christmas
Famous trustifarian closet case Osama Bin Laden isn’t content tagging his rent boys. Instead, he sends them to blow up airplanes. Everyone has a fetish. Bin Laden’s latest twink failed like a bitch, so we worry if the terrorists are just taking cheap shots at Detroit. New drinking game rule! If someone suggests al-Qaeda hates our Detroits, go to Slows, wash down a Triple Threat Pork sandwich with Manischewitz wine, and draw a cartoon of Muhammad. If you’re a woman, wear tight fitting and/or revealing clothing also. (Freep)

Jackie Currie feels God working

Awful and incompetent former City Clerk Jackie Currie is dead. Who gets all those uncounted ballots in her basement? We may never know because her Will was probably stored at the Detroit Department of Elections and therefore destroyed in the various floods, power outages, and Biblical-grade locust attacks that always strike exactly when Jackie’s “ambassadors” were supposed to count votes. Good riddance. (Freep)

Laura Berman: Detroit doesn’t care about rich people

Gosh dang it, why are people being so mean to Peter Karmanos, Dan Gilbert, Roger Penske, and Jim Nicholson just because they paid convicted felon Kwame Kilpatrick to leave office? Why can’t people understand that, even though this loan meets the prima facie definition of bribing a public official, Karmanos and company did it to help you? We shouldn’t expect a tiny cabal of suburban businessmen to let the criminal justice process work itself out when they can, in secret, pay off a felonious slob. (DetNews)

Mitch Albom just wants to kick Muslims in the teeth
You people and your damned political correctness prevent Mitch Albom from beating Middle Eastern-looking people with Lester Maddox ax handles. Like in the good old days. When Morrie was alive. Fortunately, Mitch is very spiritual now so he isn’t afraid of the terrorists. That’s why he supports racial profiling to catch anyone who looks terroristy. Because John Walker Lindh, the shoe bomber idiot, and this black African with his fireworks pants all look like Hamas poster children. (Freep)

Little Caesars FAIL!

The third-tier college football game formerly known as the Motor City Bowl came and went. We forgot to watch this epic battle between Appalachian rivals Ohio and Marshall but we’re pretty sure someone won the game. We’re also certain that new title sponsor Little Caesars lost because, according to Deadspin, Hungary Howies was the official pizza concessionaire for the Little Caesars Bowl. That flavored crust is good stuff. At least they didn’t play this one on blue Astroturf. Outdoors. In Boise. (Deadspin)

Categories : State of the State

11 Comments

1

Thank God that one Dutch guy saved us all. If you’re Nigerian, you should probably stock up on Imodium.

2

Meanwhile, Pete Hoekstra, the rank Republican on the House Intelligence Committee–the one that insisted Iraq caused 9/11 (also gay marriage)–wants tto start a third war in Yemen, since it’s obvious that Al Qaeda has totally taken over there. Or not. Hoekstra and the rest of the GOP Klavern is sad because the “attack” failed. If the plane had blown up, it would have hurt Obama (yay!) and boosted Republican chances in 2010 election, including Hoekstra’s flagging gubernatorial campaigh. Republicans want the terrorists to win to hurt secret muslin Nazi/Commie Obama.

3

Jackie Currie was a precious jewel.

4

Apparently Candice Miller doesn’t think the suspect should have had any medical care, either, as she expressed on WWJ this morning. Apparently he should have been taken out back and shot–guilty until proven innocent, I guess. Maybe someone should have taken her lousy drunken p.o.s. daughter and done the same with her; her drunken driving was a domestic act of terror, wasn’t it?

5

I do like how the republicans are racing each other to see who can come out with the most ridiculous statements the fastest.

I would like to ask Pete Hoekstra which part of the hero guy’s Dutch Socialist upbringing enabled him to be a hero? My guess is some combination of legal weed and national health care. Also the fact that they exported all their religious nut jobs to West Michigan.

7

SG, if the Dutch guy plays for your team, that could be one of the greatest developments in recent history.

8

I just realized that recent quotes about him have him visiting a “friend” in Miami. Hmm.

9

Hey, SG, go for it! There’s nothing like a hot inter-continental romance to start the year off right!

10

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11

I’m skeptical that the Huskers is joining the Big 10. The new season promises to be interesting. Yowzers

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