Dec
31

Pension board shenanigans, Dave Bing can’t pay down his loan, and Independence Township’s dumbest criminal

By


Let’s get Dyspathy a big chunk of that pension board money

First, we need a fancy resume. So let’s say I studied English at the Sorbonne (actually that explains so much) and worked as a senior international correspondent with the New York Times. No, that’s too pedestrian. Everyone writes for the Times at some point. Even Charlie LeDuff. I was managing editor of Foreign Affairs. That’s better. And the Paris Review. I also have an advanced degree from the exclusive Florida Institute of Blogospheric Writing; Broward County Annex. Clearly, the pension board would be crazy not to invest a few million dollars in Dyspathy. (Freep)

No special treatment for Nebraska!
Mike Cox is mad that Ben Nelson was basically bribed with free Medicare money to vote for the health care bill. So are some other states’ Attorneys General. They’re all going to sue if the health care bill includes what Cox calls “the Cornhusker Kickback.” Clever! Cox has a point and, in the interest of consistency, he’ll also tell Michigan that we can’t accept that federal road money with the special exemption from the matching funds rule. That’s not fair to the other states that actually can match federal road dollars. (Crains)

Watermark is your new Cadillac Centre

You have to hand it to Detroit’s development officials. They sure know how to pick a winner. The Quicken Global Headquarters will break ground any day now. Mayor Dave Bing’s Watermark condos, however, are in deep trouble. Despite an investment group that includes Bing, Kwame Kilpatrick benefactor Roger Penske, Tony Earley, and Derrick Coleman, Watermark is about to default on a DEGC loan. Naturally, the 5’ X 4’ George Jackson is totally cool with this. The DEGC doesn’t really expect their loans to be re-paid. Just ask Frank Taylor. (Crains)

Local radio guy improves English language
Public radio host Pat Batcheller (I think he’s the Schwetty Balls guy) nominated “shovel ready” for Lake Superior State’s banished words list. Also banished are tweeting, app, friend (as a verb), and bromance. Dyspathy takes issue with Lake State’s banishment of “sexting.” Post-Kilpatrick, we no longer send text messages, only sexts. Really, if you can’t work a reference to one’s penis, Benz Chili Bowl, or an R. Kelly song into a text message about bar plans then you aren’t even trying. (LSSU)

Always buy your holiday booze on December 23
Some guy in Independence Township decided to break into his neighbor’s house and steal some beer on Christmas Eve. It was good beer so he went back for some wine and pain pills later that night. Only this time the door was locked. So, like a classic criminal genius, our beer thief used an axe to expand the doggie door. Then he left his Hooters Racing cap behind. Also his glasses. With apologies to the Lake State word gurus, this is a teachable moment. Stock up early and avoid the Christmas blue laws. (Freep)

“…smart, informed, hilarious and snarky…”
That’s how the Detroit News chose to describe Dyspathy to its readers. Technically, that’s how Hugh proprietor and bon vivant chose to describe Dyspathy to the Detroit News. Obviously someone was really drunk at the News when they published this. Or maybe this counts as a year-end charitable donation for tax purposes. Either way, we’ll take it. (DetNews)

Categories : State of the State

10 Comments

1

“Happily, the Detroit area is rich with such opinionated online scribblers.”

I’d go so far as to say they’re precious jewels.

2

Does this mean people from the Kiddies Table are going to start reading an commenting here?

3

“…smart, informed, hilarious and snarky…”

Was that really quote-worthy? Talk about phoning it in.

4

Oh Supergay, you need to get over your beef with Joe. Yes, I know, something something nose job blah blah blah. Just let it go.

5

I’d say the News, via Joe Posh, got one right. Good for you, WF, and Happy New Year. (Oh, and for a small fee of $5,000 plus some walking around money, I can arrange for some of that Pension Fund largesse to drop lightly on Dyspathy. It would be my pleasure.)

6

Hey WF, congrats and Happy New Year! I seldom agree with the news, but this is spot on! (What did you do, bribe him with a six of Blatz and a smelly cheap cigar?)

7

What remix is this??

Feelin on ya booooooty

8

merry new year WF and to everyone else!

9

“Like the author of Dyspathy…” Dude, you’ve been totally ripping me off and now I have the proof.

10

Did this print on paper or just in the internet pamphlet?

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