Pension board shenanigans, Dave Bing can’t pay down his loan, and Independence Township’s dumbest criminalBy
Let’s get Dyspathy a big chunk of that pension board money
First, we need a fancy resume. So let’s say I studied English at the Sorbonne (actually that explains so much) and worked as a senior international correspondent with the New York Times. No, that’s too pedestrian. Everyone writes for the Times at some point. Even Charlie LeDuff. I was managing editor of Foreign Affairs. That’s better. And the Paris Review. I also have an advanced degree from the exclusive Florida Institute of Blogospheric Writing; Broward County Annex. Clearly, the pension board would be crazy not to invest a few million dollars in Dyspathy. (Freep)
No special treatment for Nebraska!
Mike Cox is mad that Ben Nelson was basically bribed with free Medicare money to vote for the health care bill. So are some other states’ Attorneys General. They’re all going to sue if the health care bill includes what Cox calls “the Cornhusker Kickback.” Clever! Cox has a point and, in the interest of consistency, he’ll also tell Michigan that we can’t accept that federal road money with the special exemption from the matching funds rule. That’s not fair to the other states that actually can match federal road dollars. (Crains)
Watermark is your new Cadillac Centre
You have to hand it to Detroit’s development officials. They sure know how to pick a winner. The Quicken Global Headquarters will break ground any day now. Mayor Dave Bing’s Watermark condos, however, are in deep trouble. Despite an investment group that includes Bing, Kwame Kilpatrick benefactor Roger Penske, Tony Earley, and Derrick Coleman, Watermark is about to default on a DEGC loan. Naturally, the 5’ X 4’ George Jackson is totally cool with this. The DEGC doesn’t really expect their loans to be re-paid. Just ask Frank Taylor. (Crains)
Local radio guy improves English language
Public radio host Pat Batcheller (I think he’s the Schwetty Balls guy) nominated “shovel ready” for Lake Superior State’s banished words list. Also banished are tweeting, app, friend (as a verb), and bromance. Dyspathy takes issue with Lake State’s banishment of “sexting.” Post-Kilpatrick, we no longer send text messages, only sexts. Really, if you can’t work a reference to one’s penis, Benz Chili Bowl, or an R. Kelly song into a text message about bar plans then you aren’t even trying. (LSSU)
Always buy your holiday booze on December 23
Some guy in Independence Township decided to break into his neighbor’s house and steal some beer on Christmas Eve. It was good beer so he went back for some wine and pain pills later that night. Only this time the door was locked. So, like a classic criminal genius, our beer thief used an axe to expand the doggie door. Then he left his Hooters Racing cap behind. Also his glasses. With apologies to the Lake State word gurus, this is a teachable moment. Stock up early and avoid the Christmas blue laws. (Freep)
“…smart, informed, hilarious and snarky…”
That’s how the Detroit News chose to describe Dyspathy to its readers. Technically, that’s how Hugh proprietor and bon vivant chose to describe Dyspathy to the Detroit News. Obviously someone was really drunk at the News when they published this. Or maybe this counts as a year-end charitable donation for tax purposes. Either way, we’ll take it. (DetNews)
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