Jan
20

Missing pop culture references, Restitution Hearing of the Century, and oooh the Germans!

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Detroit leaders are old, not gay
Dave Bing, Brooks Patterson, Bob Ficano, and Paul Gieleghem had a pow-wow at the Detroit Economic Club and it was a super popular event. Like the Lady Gaga concert according to moderator Carol Cain. Larfs! Or it would have been larfs if the Economic Club luncheon wasn’t attended by olds who have no idea about this “Lady Gaga.” These foggies barely understand that Madonna who is all the time wearing pointy bras on the MTV. So Cain quickly subbed Tony Orlando for Lady Gaga and the olds kind of got it. Don’t tell the Econ Club about iPods. It’d blow their flannel-suited minds. (Crains)

Restitution Hearing of the Century may have happy ending
How a tv station knows what a Judge will rule 16 hours before he makes the ruling is a question for the ages but WDIV says convicted felon Kwame Kilpatrick will have to pay $225,000 ASAP. And his probation will shift back to Michigan. If this report is true, it will be pretty sweet to watch Kilpatrick’s face when this hammer comes down on his smug ass. Even sweeter, when Carlita grasps what this ruling means for her budget…dude will be sleeping in his pick-up truck. (WDIV)

Oversight committee to carefully watch DPS money
Naturally, the DPS bond oversight committee starts with the right Reverend Wendell Anthony (praised be His name). Anthony does a bang-up job on the city pension board so why not let him watch over this other giant, important pot of money? John Conyers is also on the committee. One wonders if the indictment and pending incarceration of his wife will interfere with his duties. David Bing and Saunteel Jenkins are watching the money too. Hopefully, that’s a good thing. (DetNews)

Giving al-Qaeda what they want
Osama Bin Laden and his sexually confused band of underpants bombing goat thieves would love nothing more than to frame their war with civilization as a religious battle. Naturally some idiot rifle sight maker in Wixom embedded references to Bible verses in their product’s serial numbers. What’s the problem? Christianity is the awesomest religion ever and Jesus could totally kick Bin Laden’s scrawny Muslim ass. For ‘merica. USA! USA! USA! (Freep)

Tigers think Justin Verlander equals Brandon Inge
The Tigers’ flame-throwing ace starter is pretty good. He led the league in wins, innings pitched, and strikeouts last season while posting a career low ERA. You know who else is pretty good? Mr. Tiger Brandon Inge, hero to Detroit Macomb County. Just consider his .699 career OPS and 975 strikeouts in 4293 at bats. Clearly these two players deserve similar salaries. That’s why the Tigers offered Verlander $6,900,000 in arbitration. Or just $600,000 more than Inge made last season. A guy who compares favorably to Mike Pagliarulo. (Freep)

Germans not currently riding the People Mover
Some German student is doing some very important research about Detroit’s public places. She can’t actually visit Detroit so she’s hoping the kids at DetroitYES can help her out by answering important questions such as whether or not Campus Martius is free enough. Why no questions about techno? Unscientific survey data culled from random internet participants…awesome. With that methodology, this fraulein might as well crib her term paper from Wikipedia. Hey Dyspathy readers, help this plucky Detroit-phile. Tell Germany that the Riverwalk should be more free. (Kerstin4Detroit)

Categories : State of the State

7 Comments

1
Downriver's Friend
January 20th, 2010 at 7:49 am

We are not waging a modern day Crusade against Islam. Or we are. Because America is the Holy Land. Just ask Pat Robertson. He believes Jesus loves US so much that he influences our elections while simultaneously fucking up those devil-worshiping Haitians. Pat Robertson believes America is the Holy Land. So do Mormons. But they’re not “real” Christians like Pat.

2

The Bible references are a non-story. For one, they’re written in agate-size type as part of serial numbers. Two, the sights are issued to only American troops … and have been for more than 20 years. It took that long for anyone to notice. Is anyone seriously going to be influenced by some 2-pt. lettering on the underside of a small piece of equipment issued to Marines? I would guess that maybe the uniformed military chaplains deployed with the troops, who conduct church services, might be more noticeable. Or does Father Mulcahy not bother anyone? I liked him better when he was Dago Red played by René Auberjonois.

This is about on par with the old rumor than the moon/stars logo on Proctor & Gamble products was a devil-worshiping symbol.

And someone needs to tell that German student that the real problem in Detroit is wait times at Slow’s on Red Wings game nights. Two to three hours? C’mon!

3

I’d take Pags over Cringe 24-7. Personally, I can’t wait until Diamond Dave doesn’t re-sign Inge and he ends up in the bottom half of the NL on the bench where he belongs. If there’s anything Diamond Dave has proven, it is that he doesn’t care what the white girls think, heck he already traded Granderson and he’s got that one drunken Latino kid that’s supposed to be good’s back.

4

You brought up Mike Pagliarulo. That’s awesome. For that you get a beer next time I am in town.

5

How did the Local 4 Defenders get the scoop on the Kwame restitution judgement? That’s just wrong.

6

Not $225K, but $320K! Due and payable within 90 days. Ouch. You gotta imagine that the IRS and the FBI are just sitting around and winking at each other while waiting to see what kind of cash he can conjure up to try to pay that off.

DaDan Milton just got popped today as well.

Stay tuned, sports fans!

7

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