Jan
26

Federal court wastes Brian Dickerson’s precious tax dollars, Joann Watson to pray away earthquake, and William Blake…I mean William Blake

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Monica Conyers is Monica Conyers crazy
The Sam Riddle trial is like the Super Bowl plus Seinfeld’s 5th season plus All The President’s Men. Day one was that good. According to the tapes, Riddle said Monica (don’t call her Monica) was crazy “beyond medication” and barely capable of fulfilling the terms of her dirty deals. And Argh! Sam and Monica were “political pirates.” Awesome. Ken Cockrel might testify. If that comes to pass, Dyspathy’s legal team will move that the court refer to Cockrel as “Shrek.” Like when the Scopes case judge bestowed upon Clarence Darrow the title of temporary honorary colonial in the Tennessee militia. (DetNews)

DeDan “The Bull” Milton will not sing until he sings

DeDan says he might talk to the Feds but not about his beloved, convicted felon Kwame Kilpatrick. Because the Feds want nothing more than to nail the Chaldean Catholic Church to the wall. Then again, maybe splitting $50,000 with his brother and some bodyguard is enough to keep DeDan warm at night in the federal pen. That is to say, DeDan Milton might not want to talk to the Feds about convicted Kwame Kilpatrick but DeDan Milton will talk to the Feds about convicted felon Kwame Kilpatrick. (Freep)

Barack Obama doesn’t care about Mike Cox
Attorneys General from Great Lakes states are mad because they haven’t been invited to the White House for beers. And to chat about Asian carp. Mike Cox especially should be part of the Asian carp summit seeing as how the fish can grow to be up to four feet long. Just like Mike Cox. Also blah blah blah the Great Lakes ecology and blah blah blah economy. (Freep)

Pre-k funding saves money, is awful
The state invested in early childhood education and saved $1,150,000,000 EVERY YEAR over the last 25 years. Let’s talk about why this is horrible. Michigan’s economy is not based on the prison economy. If we provide young people with life skills and tools for success (with socialism!) they’ll grow up to be productive citizens and probably move out of state. Our young people are our most precious treasure. We need to keep them ignorant and in Michigan, as inmates. So our prison economy can grow with all those great prison jobs. Everyone is all the time worrying about the children but who thinks about prison guards? Who? (DetNews)

Joann Watson lifts Haiti, her oversized ego in prayer
Joann Watson, The Nation magazine’s most beloved Detroit politician, thinks Haitian earthquake victims need prayer. And a rally in Detroit. The Haitians are totally impressed with Watson’s planned rally in Council chambers because moral support is totally important when your house is a pile of rubble and your children are sick and hungry. Matthew 6:5-7: And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. (Facebook)

Davidson estate sells Crash Davis’ team
After Nuke LaLoosh went to the show and the organization decided to make a change, Crash Davis finished out the season (and set the all-time minor league home run record) with the Ashville Tourists. And now, Karen Davidson sold that team. “Full many a flower is born to blush unseen, And waste its sweetness on the desert air.” Thomas Gray. Or William Cullen Bryant. I don’t know, I get them mixed up. – Annie Savoy. (Crains)

Categories : State of the State

4 Comments

1

Joel Zumaya: I ain’t pissing nothing away. I got a Porsche already; a 911 with a quadrophonic Blaupunkt.

Gerald Laird: Christ, you don’t need a quadrophonic Blaupunkt! What you need is a curveball! In the show, everyone can hit heat.

Joel Zumaya: Well, how would you know? YOU been in the majors?

Gerald Laird: Yeah, I’ve been in the majors. Hey, you wanna go get drunk with me and my brother, maybe beat up some security guards?

Joel Zumaya: Naw, bro. I’m gonna play some Guitar Hero.

2

Joel does have a point. Women do get wooly.

And I’m totally referring to Joann Watson as the Babbling Pagan for here on out. It’s in the Bible. I can’t argue with the Bible.

3

I think JoAnn Watson’s ego is an appropriate size for her size.

4

O.K., I think Dyspathy readers should totally take up a collection for a new hat for Sam (see http://www.freep.com/article/20100126/NEWS01/100126028/1319/At-Riddle-trial-calls-show-Conyers-blamed-ex-mayor). Poor Sam, it looks like he either fell in a mud puddle or some bus splashed him; maybe Monica pushed him down?

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