May
19

THE ONLY WAY JENNIFER GRANHOLM JOINS THE U.S. SUPREME COURT IS IF IT’S A PLOT DEVICE ON A WACKY 1980’s SITCOM

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The people at Wonkette are our heroes. They actually get paid for writing a snarky political blog. They also have talent for it, so totally fair. Also, they usually blog about corrupt or incompetent politicians less obvious than Barbara-Rose Collins or Mike Cox. However, Wonkette does occasional posts about Michigan politicians and then they sink to our level. This is one of those times. Jennifer Granholm is in Washington this week so she made the snark big leagues!

OMG! Obama is totally going to maybe, possibly, probably not, but maybe make her a Supreme Court Justice. Ok so David Souter has to finish out this Supreme Court decision before a replacement is named and even the Granholm cheerleaders admit she’s a darkhorse candidate but that won’t stop us stoking the flame of pointless Will-The-Lions-Draft-Matt-Stafford-Or-Aaron Curry-style speculation about Granholm’s Supreme Court chances. Let’s review her many qualifications.

Granholm was junior prosecutor for a few years after law school, that is to say she was like Angie Harmon. Later she served as Ed McNamara’s consigliere. Then the Democrats wanted some retard nobody (sources say his name was “Larry Owen”) to run for governor but Geoffrey Fieger won the primary instead. Facing an electoral blood-bath, Jennifer Granholm became the party’s lone shining star of 1998 because she beat some guy John Engler didn’t like in the Attorney General’s race. Four years later she bested a man with a name that (loosely translated) means dead penis and…tah dah…she’s a governor. All official and everything!

Seven awful years later, she’s dead weight. The Democrats can’t get her out of the governor’s mansion soon enough because they need to showcase John Cherry. Jen won’t accept a skill-set appropriate role such as Third-Deputy Assistant Solicitor General, well actually, Assistant to the Third-Deputy Solicitor General so people want to make her a Supreme Court Justice. That’ll get her out of the way for the glorious 1000-year reign of John Cherry! Plus she’s totally qualified. Whereas. Also. Did we mention, Jen was pretend Sarah Palin during Joe Biden’s debate prep?

Of course, none of this will actually happen unless Obama actually wants America to regret the Democrats’ 60-seat Senate majority. The President does seem to enjoy floating Granholm’s name for these big-time appointments because he takes pleasure in crushing her hopes and dreams by telling her that she’s been passed over. We enjoy it too. Maybe Jenny shouldn’t have blathered on like a demagoguing crank in her support for Hillary Clinton and Michigan’s rump primary. Waw-wah.

Besides, this charade allows Obama to conduct a quiet, sober search for a Supreme Court Justice while the Washington press corps is busy masturbating over a potential Granholm nomination. Look in the dictionary and next to the definition of “useful idiot” is a picture of Jennifer Granholm. There’s nothing wrong being Assistant to the Third-Deputy Solicitor General. It’s honest work. (Wonkette)

Categories : Big Important News

2 Comments

1

This is superb, and your commentary was right-on — at least according to my book. Thanks for sharing!

2

I always figured that Jenny’s got some sort of genius in her communications office that makes sure her name is leaked to every sexy available position. Someone out there is doing great work for her.

Now, if they could get her to do *anything* other than look sharp in pant suits and occasionally beg for fed funds while Michigan’s legislature botches everything, that would be great. Still better than letting dudes that inherited Amway run shit, but seriously. Jenny, you can still do wrong by doing nothing wrong.

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