Hopefully a Michigan candidate will hire Carly Fiorina’s creative team: Rick Snyder answers the call
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Dreams really can come true! This weekend we said that someone in Michigan should hire the ad wizards behind Carly Fiorina’s pro-Vichy avant-garde campaign ad. Now more than ever, Michigan needs sheep on phallic pedestals and demonic man-wolves. We need a leader with vision to make that happen. A leader like Rick Snyder.
It makes sense that Snyder and Fiorina use the same permamullet-led ad team. Both are outsiderish Republicans. Both ran tech firms known for their terrible computers. Fiorina’s HP purchased Compaq and Snyder ran Gateway. Who didn’t love their Gateway desktop circa 1997? You could get AOL and WordPerfect pre-installed.
Snyder’s Super Bowl ad used the same creepy-neighbor-keeps-to-himself-with-Boy-Scouts-buried-under-the-porch narrator as Fiorina’s YouTube opus. And checkout the Carlyfornia-like awkward prose: Rick Snyder is a very bright entrepreneur who happens to adore Michigan. Rick Snyder is a bright entrepreneur…I’m meh. A very bright entrepreneur…I’d vote for that!
Unfortunately, the comparisons end there. Unlike Fiorina’s homage to Triumph of the Will, Snyder’s ad is lamers. Why is he sitting on that funeral parlor love seat? Who is the woman smiling to camera at the :55 mark? God damnit, where are the demon man-wolves in sheep costumes?
Instead of special effects awesomeness, we learn that (a) Snyder read Fortune Magazine when he was eight and (b) he wants to be governor. To fix things! Because he’s a nerd! Literally, that’s his pitch. That and he’s not Jennifer Granholm or Kwame Kilpatrick or Mike Cox or John Cherry or a bunch of politicians nearly as unrecognizable to the average voter as Rick Snyder. He also has a ten point plan. It’s very detailed.
Rick Snyder may adore Michigan but he certainly doesn’t understand it. Michigan hates nerds who are all the time wanting us to read. This state is like the Alpha Beta house. Nerds suck. And, like most Alpha Betas entering middle age, we’re broke and unemployable. But that doesn’t mean we want to hear from some nerd with his nerd ideas to turn all into nerds. Michigan may be poor but we’re still jocks and we still have our pride.
You want to win this race, Rick Snyder, you’ll lose the funeral parlors and give us more demonic animal creatures in drag. Otherwise, you’re just another MLINO. That’s Michigan Leader in Name Only. (YouTube)
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15 Comments
February 8th, 2010 at 6:21 pm
Hey! I love WordPerfect. They can pry it from my cold, dead hands.
February 8th, 2010 at 6:24 pm
A nerd? Doesn’t Snyder know real Republican intellectuals went out of style way back in the 60’s or something…
http://sec.online.wsj.com/article/SB122610558004810243.html?mod=article-outset-box
February 8th, 2010 at 9:14 pm
So the state is broke. You want to be governor. I can think of no better way to demonstrate how good you are with money than to run a :60s ad during the Superbowl, the most expensive air time of the year.
Not just that, but the Permamullet agency you hired, looks like they still brag about working for Big Tobacco. Good one.
February 9th, 2010 at 9:06 am
In hindsight, I tend to think Granholm’s only qualifications when she ran were A) Granholm read Mademoiselle when she was eight and B) she wanted to be governor. “To fix things!”
It almost makes me want to vote for the guy.
February 9th, 2010 at 9:38 am
I can’t believe I missed this during the Superbowl, but I am going to pretend it never aired because damn was that bad. Really really bad.
February 9th, 2010 at 9:58 am
Compared to Granholm, a frozen clump of shit looks qualified.
Here’s my problem with Snyder. If he wins the primary, he’ll win with a plurality while Cox/Hoekstra/Bouchard split the “real” Republican vote. The GOP regulars will be gunning for Snyder in 2016 from the day he’s inaugurated. And so will the Dems because there’s no political value to saddle up to politically weak member of the opposition party.
Maybe a charismatic ball-buster could make that scenario work but a self-described nerd and political neophyte? Snyder would be Granholm 2.0. Lots of fine sounding platitudes and no results.
Republican or Democrat, Michigan needs a governor who can bend the legislator to his/her will. John Engler could do that, better or worse, whereas Granholm is useless. Legislative experience is essential. As I see it, that narrows the field of qualified candidates to Hoekstra, Bouchard, Dillon, Kildee, and longshots Alma Wheeler Smith and Tom George. Also Bernero (h/t to Guinness)
February 9th, 2010 at 9:58 am
Oh, C’mon Cass Park, everyone knew Gov. Jen-Jen’s background as Atty General and that other lawyering stuff she did before hand.
Everyone don’t get too excited about the MBA/CEO government leadership, there was this one guy, Bush….
February 9th, 2010 at 10:28 am
Frozen clump of shit for AG!!! Oh wait, we already have Mike Cox….
February 9th, 2010 at 2:28 pm
For what she’s done with all her lady lawyer-ing and attorney general-ing, her credentials may well have been A) she read Mademoiselle when she was eight B) She really, really wanted to be governor. To fix things!
All this posturing is irrelevant at this point, though. Much as I like the idea of writing in “fozen clump of shit” for governor, Frosty the Snowman may as well be running ads right now. Come August, he won’t be around either.
February 10th, 2010 at 6:34 am
Don’t forget Virg Bernero…I’m sure he could have some legislators legs broken if they don’t do what he wants…he is mighty pissed off most of the time.
February 10th, 2010 at 6:36 am
Don’t forget Virg Bernero…he’s got legislative experience, in both the House and Senate. He’s always angry, a la the Fat Man, and he’d probably have some legs broken if he doesn’t get what he wants.
February 15th, 2010 at 12:42 pm
I can’t believe Carey Torrice’s name hasn’t come up …
February 15th, 2010 at 9:35 pm
I absolutely love this line from the post that you penned for pentulance and posterity into perpetuity
‘Why is he sitting on that funeral parlor love seat?
The other statement that I have to question that it seems like only a Yooper would be capable of forming is the one about ‘and he’s not Jennifer Granholm or Kwame Kilpatrick or Mike Cox or John Cherry or a bunch of politicians nearly as unrecognizable to the average voter as Rick Snyder.
Check out this Centrist post on what Michigan would have been like if Cherry on Top of Blowpop would have ran and defeated all those Repubs who love Cox, Suckers yes!
Four Former MI Dem House Speakers Endorse “Institutional Memory and Experience’ As The Cure For MI’s Worst Economy In The Nation
How will any Michigander except the party loyalists feel or be otherwise persuaded when four fomer Michigan Democratic Speakers of the House endorse the ’Instiutional Experience and Memory’ of the current Lt. Gov. Cherry as the next Gov. of Michigan.
But the most disturbing quote in the story below is the combination of denial, lack of accountabilty in leadership in say the Governor ‘she took the job during tough times and made the best of it’
http://palinyoubetcha2012.com/wordpress/?p=6069
March 3rd, 2010 at 4:50 pm
Carey Torrice for Governor, the blonde bombshell that votes against taxes. I like her, she stands up for Veterans, took a pay cut, revived the county animal shelter, helps seniors and sick kids, on top of that she fiqured out a way to balance the budget and save the taxpapyers millions.
March 3rd, 2010 at 4:59 pm
Someone is typing with one hand.