People let me tell you about his best friend, boobs boobs boobs, and Sam Riddle Episode Two: A New JuryBy
The courtship of Kwame’s father
Convicted felon and probation scofflaw Kwame Kilpatrick and his 26 74 separate money orders are busy today explaining why he didn’t make his full restitution payment. In the meantime, the Feds are preparing charges against Bernard “The Killer.” Also Kwame. Because Karl Kado squealed and passed a polygraph. In better times, when Kado was feeding Team Kilpatrick cash, The Killer and Kado were close. Very close. They even took vacations together. That’s the kind of thing Kwame Kilpatrick doesn’t want around his kids. Kwame Kilpatrick is very concerned with morals. Also looting Detroit. (DetNews, more DetNews)
The Winans Tit Trial continues at City Council
Never before have had so many people spent so much time consternated by nipples. The Right Reverend Marvin Winans (praised be His name) drove in the snow from Bloomfield to speak against taxpaying Detroit businesses owned by suburbanites. Winans runs a non-taxpaying Detroit business. Just as teaching science rankles church folk in rural Tennessee, Detroit’s Bible-chuckers cannot abide these exposed mammaries in regulated, licensed establishments. Somehow, and don’t ask us to explain it, Charles Pugh became our Clarence Darrow. (Freep)
Dan Kildee, the Inatrob guy? The young guy?
Michigan Liberal says land bank guru Dan Kildee will announce his run for governor today. Let’s go through this one time so we’re all on the same page. Dale Kildee is the 4,000 year old Congressman from Flint. Dan Kildee is Dale’s significantly younger nephew, also of Flint, and a candidate for governor. This situation proved too complicated for Dale Kildee’s primary opponent on Michigan Liberal. Make a note of it because you don’t want to mix them up and accidentally break up with the hot Chotchsky’s waitress. (Michiganliberal.com)
Sam Riddle Two in time for the summer blockbuster season
The first trial was so awesome that everyone got together and was like, let’s have a sequel. Riddle fired his lawyers and it looking for a new, volunteer attorney. We recommend famous DUI lawyer Daniel Hajji. Best lawyer ever, that one. Hopefully, we’ll hear all those fun tapes again. And the testimony about gravy-stained track suits. Even better, Riddle actually takes the stand. Put it all together and you have some entertainment way better than Transformers 12, 3D Smurfs 2, or whatever terrible movie Hollywood is planning for this summer. (DetNews)
Palace of Auburn Hills, we hardly knew ye
Mike Ilitch is about to sign Tom Wilson to a long-term contract. If Scott Sizemore doesn’t work out, Wilson will play second base and bat seventh. Or Wilson will get to work building a new hockey/basketball arena downtown. The Palace is your new Tiger Stadium and Joe Louis Arena is your new Silverdome. Of course, this plan probably goes to hell if some out-of-state outfit buys the Pistons and moves the team back to Fort Wayne. That would finally break the curse of George Yardley. Which we just made up. (Crains)
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