Feb
23

People let me tell you about his best friend, boobs boobs boobs, and Sam Riddle Episode Two: A New Jury

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The courtship of Kwame’s father

Convicted felon and probation scofflaw Kwame Kilpatrick and his 26 74 separate money orders are busy today explaining why he didn’t make his full restitution payment. In the meantime, the Feds are preparing charges against Bernard “The Killer.” Also Kwame. Because Karl Kado squealed and passed a polygraph. In better times, when Kado was feeding Team Kilpatrick cash, The Killer and Kado were close. Very close. They even took vacations together. That’s the kind of thing Kwame Kilpatrick doesn’t want around his kids. Kwame Kilpatrick is very concerned with morals. Also looting Detroit. (DetNews, more DetNews)

The Winans Tit Trial continues at City Council

Never before have had so many people spent so much time consternated by nipples. The Right Reverend Marvin Winans (praised be His name) drove in the snow from Bloomfield to speak against taxpaying Detroit businesses owned by suburbanites. Winans runs a non-taxpaying Detroit business. Just as teaching science rankles church folk in rural Tennessee, Detroit’s Bible-chuckers cannot abide these exposed mammaries in regulated, licensed establishments. Somehow, and don’t ask us to explain it, Charles Pugh became our Clarence Darrow. (Freep)

Dan Kildee, the Inatrob guy? The young guy?
Michigan Liberal says land bank guru Dan Kildee will announce his run for governor today. Let’s go through this one time so we’re all on the same page. Dale Kildee is the 4,000 year old Congressman from Flint. Dan Kildee is Dale’s significantly younger nephew, also of Flint, and a candidate for governor. This situation proved too complicated for Dale Kildee’s primary opponent on Michigan Liberal. Make a note of it because you don’t want to mix them up and accidentally break up with the hot Chotchsky’s waitress. (Michiganliberal.com)

Sam Riddle Two in time for the summer blockbuster season
The first trial was so awesome that everyone got together and was like, let’s have a sequel. Riddle fired his lawyers and it looking for a new, volunteer attorney. We recommend famous DUI lawyer Daniel Hajji. Best lawyer ever, that one. Hopefully, we’ll hear all those fun tapes again. And the testimony about gravy-stained track suits. Even better, Riddle actually takes the stand. Put it all together and you have some entertainment way better than Transformers 12, 3D Smurfs 2, or whatever terrible movie Hollywood is planning for this summer. (DetNews)

Palace of Auburn Hills, we hardly knew ye
Mike Ilitch is about to sign Tom Wilson to a long-term contract. If Scott Sizemore doesn’t work out, Wilson will play second base and bat seventh. Or Wilson will get to work building a new hockey/basketball arena downtown. The Palace is your new Tiger Stadium and Joe Louis Arena is your new Silverdome. Of course, this plan probably goes to hell if some out-of-state outfit buys the Pistons and moves the team back to Fort Wayne. That would finally break the curse of George Yardley. Which we just made up. (Crains)

Categories : State of the State

5 Comments

1
One more idiot with an opinion and a keyboard
February 23rd, 2010 at 8:15 am

Someone please explain to me how Detroit’s first openly gay politician became the great defender of strip clubs and bare mammaries? Could Charles Pugh really be a closet heterosexual?

2

Lumbergh fucked her?

I saw Fieger at the bar last week and I did want to ask him about Riddle, and his hair, but he was preening and waiting to be noticed and I just wasn’t up for dealing with that level of douchery.

Tom Wilson once bought me a beer. Dude was more of a whiskey guy tho.

3

Did it look like Fieger completed his GTL regimen that morning?

4

Yay! More fun to be had this Friday when KK breezes back into town for his arraignment. What are the odds he shows up with a money order for the remaining balance? Better yet, what are the odds that the Feds will choose the moment to conveneniently slap his ass with a RICO indictment?

5

Fieger looked exactly like he does in his TV commercials. Shaggy hair, expensive jeans, suit jacket. And some sort of Yellow crap in a martini glass. My guess is he was fairly disappointed that the Roast happy hour gets taken over by the local soaks huffing $3 breakfast burgers.

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