Feb
24

Convicted felon Kwame Kilpatrick is the Sun King of software sales, strip clubs now hysteria, and slouching toward Youngstown

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Convicted felon Kwame Kilpatrick and the lifestyle to which he’s become accustomed

Holy hell, Kilpatrick is the vindictive ex-wife that Carlita would have been if he hadn’t come up with a rental mansion, creepy plastic surgeries, and that $240,000 loan. Kilpatrick has tasted caviar and champagne (from the public teat) and can’t very well go back to burgers and beers. In fact, DUI lawyer Daniel Hajji says it’s a business imperative that Kilpatrick maintains an opulent lifestyle. If he can’t live large then he might sell even less software and never pay back the restitution. Wait, what’s less than zero? (Freep)

Bob Ficano works smarter, not harder
Unless you’re a working journalist or old and lacking a tv, you probably missed Bob Ficano’s State of the County address last night. WJR aired it. So did the internets. Since Ficano wasn’t wearing a TRON costume and State of the (Entity) speeches rarely involve porn, no one watched it on the internets. Some highlights…Wayne County is working smarter, but there’s a deficit. The Wayne County Building lease was terrible but the Guardian Building is fabulous. And Charles Pugh is fighting against home foreclosures. Really. Ficano said that with a straight face. (Crains)

Reasonable strip club regulation offends Detroit’s Guardian Council

City Council offended the baby Jesus with new strip club regulations. William Jennings Winans panties are still in a twist over exposed nipples. And $8 strip club beers. This whole kerfuffle has little to do with strip clubs or boob band-aids. It’s really about keeping this new City Council subservient to Detroit’s theocracy. But, ha ha, the Bishops lost. Charles Pugh stood tall, the rest of the Fab Five freshman hung tough, and Ken Cockrel even dropped a Marvin Winans doesn’t care about rape victims crack. It was a good day. (DetNews)

Mark Hackel? The young guy? The non-rapist guy?
The same Office Space joke two days in a row! This thing runs on autopilot. The Sheriff Hackel who never raped anyone is running to be Macomb County’s first Executive. If he wins, he’ll crush aged Matty Moroun BFF Ted Wahby’s dream of being Macomb’s George Washington. Carey Torrice isn’t running so it doesn’t matter who wins the Democratic nomination. Besides, this blog backs the draft Nicholyn Brandenburg movement. Which we totally just made up this second. Nicholyn Brandenburg is just that awesome. (Macomb Daily)

White Sam Riddle runs for Congress
In the 80s and 90s, FBI overlord Andy Arena persecuted brave Jim Traficant. See, Trafican’t had this double secret sting operation that only he knew about. He took bribes to gain the mafia’s trust. So he could bust them at some point in the future. But the evil FBI busted him first for corruption and blew his “case.” Later he went to Congress and then the Feds busted him (again) for corruption. Because of the Jews. That last part is Traficunt’s explanation. Now Arena is persecuting Sam Riddle. For the Carlyle Group and those people in Bloomfield. According to Riddle. Anyway, Traficant is out of jail and running for Congress again. (Youngstown Vindicator)

Categories : State of the State

14 Comments

1

Kwame is the black Leona Helmsley.

2

He is a queen, that’s for sure.

3

Okay, maybe I don’t get it but is Chik-Fil-A any better than beer and burgers? Haji’s prose is so mesmerizing, I guess I should just forget reality and buy it all, right? After all, he is the chosen one, according to his mama… But something tells me the Court of Appeals isn’t going to get it, either.

4

Another strike for the chosen one!

Thank you for bringing Nicholyn Brandenburg into my life. I love Macomb County. You know, the east side of Detroit would still be really missed up if all the 586ers hadn’t run out.

5

I interviewed Brandenburg several years ago about her Macomb County “defense of marriage” resolution. She refused to acknowledge that it had anything to do with gay marriage. That was the craziest thing she ever heard.

So I asked her, if this wasn’t about gay marriage, what was it about? She said something vague about bestiality. These people spend way too much time thinking about that sort of thing.

I ask her why this was necessary. Federal law and the state constitution already define marriage as “one man/one woman” so what’s the point? She claimed that even though the state and federal government had laws wasn’t a reason to “deny” Macomb County a say. I still don’t know what that means.

The woman is an absolute fruitloop. I think she was sincere in her surprise that everyone thought her resolution specifically targeted gay marriage. A hatemonger and a moron.

6

Who said Torrice isn’t running for county exec? I hope she does, I’m not giving up on her yet. Rumor has it she might run for higher office.

7

I thought she was running for state Senate?

8

Macomb County reminds me of the sparsely populated West Texas counties with more cattle than sane people and more eccentrics than cattle.

9

Witchcraft may have been the final missing piece of absurdity from local politics. Now that it’s out there, we can finally get down to work.

10

@WF The Youngstown parallel is scary. Do you know if the local churches in Youngstown were involved, or was the Catholic Church dominant, in which case the corruption is institutional and normalized. Perhaps that’s the difference between a Black city that’s corrupt and an Italian one.

11

Its hilarious that some of these people favor restrictions on strip clubs that (by the Detroit News totals) cost the city almost $700,000 in lawsuits. Good job guys, lets support making laws people can sue us over for damages :)

12

Dearborn thanks you Detroit, for making their strip joints relevant again. Larry Flynt too.

13

My mom’s from Youngstown, and I still have a bunch of relatives there. “Vindicator” is the best name for a newspaper ever.

14

Old and lacking a TV? I don’t see a need to get personal here.

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