Mar
26

Pistols at dawn, or legal arguments in the room where Mike Cox interviewed convicted felon Kwame Kilpatrick

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Back in olden times, political leaders settled vitriolic debates with an old-fashioned duel. Just like our Founding Fathers intended. When famous political hangers-on Alexander Hamilton and Aaron Burr finally had enough of each other in 1805, they dueled. To the death. With pistols. At dawn. Though Hamilton lost, he received a place on the $10 bill as a consolation prize. If people remember Aaron Burr at all, it’s because he killed Hamilton. Or his plot to sabotage Thomas Jefferson’s election. Either way, Aaron Burr sucks balls.

The early 19th century was a simpler time, when real ‘Mericans could stroll through a New York City free of Jews, hipsters, or freedmen. Also, duel to their heart’s content. Bart Stupak wouldn’t kill all those babies if…too soon? Sadly, dueling eventually fell out of favor. Because of filthy Papist immigrants, probably. Zell Miller’s noble efforts to revive the custom tragically never gained traction.

Finally, things are changing. Michigan Democratic Party Chairman Mark Brewer is taking his country back. Brewer wants to “debate” Mike Cox about the Constitution and the health care law. It’s kind of like a modern duel, but with talking instead of shooting. This is Obama’s America now, so you have to take what you can get.

But don’t confuse Brewer’s word duel challenge with a lack of manly courage. Brewer is fighting mad. In his press release challenging the Attorney General to this “debate,” Brewer attacked Cox’s taxpayer-funded gym and “the room where he interviewed Kwame Kilpatrick.” Oh snap. Does that mean Brewer won’t be attending the Congressmother’s fundraisers.

Brewer’s announcement isn’t without some controversy. Traditionally, a gentleman of good breeding personally issues a dueling challenge. Brewer used an impersonal press release. He probably misplaced Cox’s phone number. If that’s the case then this breach of etiquette is understandable. As Tamara Greene’s lawyers will tell you, the Attorney General’s office is no help tracking down Cox’s phone information. At the very least, it would be a most unmanly reason for Cox to avoid his gentlemanly obligation to accept this gauntlet thrown upon his feet. (MDP)

Categories : Big Important News

9 Comments

1

Burr and Hamilton followed by Brewer and Cox is all the proof I need of history repeating itself, first as tragedy, then as farce. That’s one for Marx.

2
Downriver's Friend
March 26th, 2010 at 10:09 pm

Karl or Groucho?

3

Anyone but Gummo.

4

That will be like watching a debate between Forrest Gump and Bubba. Brewer’s only two claims to fame before coming MDP Chair was he was David Bonier’s bitch in Macomb County and that he was able to argue the rights of Klu Klux Klan to march in Brighton. A task a fifth grader could probably do. If he was such the astute lawyer, why didn’t he go back to practicing law? Besides, Brewer is the reason Cox became AG in the first place. The Democratic candidates who have been successful in Michigan in the past 8 years were the ones who kept Mark Brewer away from their campaigns. I’ve met Mike Cox as well, and lets just say his name matches his personality perfectly.

5

Joe Bob Briggs? From Foat Wurth? of Drive In Movie Review Fame?

6
Woodward's Friend
March 27th, 2010 at 5:34 pm

He’s like our biggest celebrity commenter since Daniel Hajji.

7

WOW! I still have fans! I didn’t want to be like other C, D, and E list celebrities who were re-inventing themselves as crypto-fascist commentators or bible thumper nut cases. I’ll give you a hint one is on Faux News claiming there are still Commies under your bed and the other is a Baldwin Brother.

Another thing about Small Cox, as I hear the ladies in his office call him, did he ever actually convict anyone when he was Assistant Prosecutor in Wayne County? It doesn’t sound like he’s done a whole lot as AG except pal around with Kwame pimpin’ the bitches. He really “bungled” the Kwame investigation, didn’t he? Tamara Greene’s son deserves better. It’s really sad.

8

OK, have you retired to Michigan? We’ve got the redneck audience for you, that’s for sure. I say to hell with urban farming, let’s make those wide open spaces in Detroit into Branson North, or Branson Not as Far South, if you prefer. JBB as MC would be a good start. Ads in the ring suburbs and Downriver that push “Come see the stars perform where you once sat on Granny’s porch and listened to them on the radio” angle. It’s a new entertainment day in Detroit!

9

Na, I like it where I am here near Higgins Lake. They have Combine Demolition Derbies every six months. That’s enough excitement for me. Besides, Branson is nothing more than a Ned Flanders version of Las Vegas.

It’s apparent Dave Bing has never played Sim City. He’s got this whole urban renewal thing all wrong. If I were him, I would capitalize on the fact that I have $500 houses in my city and use it as a jumping off point to bring people back into the city.

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