Forgive Brian Dickerson. He spent the long holiday weekend building a proper alcohol tolerance in advance of the very important Detroit Regional Chamber of Commerce Mackinac Bender Policy Conference. This important annual event is not for lightweights. People who can’t handle their alcohol at Mackinac are liable to do something stupid like endorse Monica Conyers. Just ask the Chamber’s political action committee. That’s what must have happened in 2005 because there’s no other reasonable explanation for the Chamber’s Monica Conyers endorsement.

At any rate, Brian Dickerson doesn’t want to spend this week passed out in the Grand Hotel lobby while Brooks Patterson and Jewel Ware write “douchebag” all over his face. You only make that mistake once. That’s why he devoted the weekend to building up his tolerance. It was all fun and games until about 10:00 Monday night. That’s when Dickerson’s editor called to find out if Dickerson planned to deliver his Tuesday column.

Naturally, Dickerson made up some excuse about how he thought he had sent it earlier in the afternoon and drunkenly said he was at the in-laws but he’d re-send the column when he got home. Quick thinking considering Dickerson was more or less blacked out since Sunday afternoon.

With barely enough warm Blatz to stave off a hangover, Dickerson dashed off a made-up satirical column about Joann Watson’s $68 property tax bullshit in just under an hour. Way to pull another one out of the fire, Dickerson.

Unfortunately, he forgot to tell his editors that it was all made-up satire. The Internet Pamphlet known as the “Free Press” didn’t bother to alert its readers that this was made-up satire until 11:00 AM or so. Probably about the time Dickerson woke up, guzzled a pot of coffee, and realized his column ran as legitimate journalism.

It was a rough morning for Brian Dickerson but nothing a whole bottle of aspirin and some greasy eggs and hash browns couldn’t fix. Dickerson will be good as new and ready to party HARD by the time he arrives at Mackinac tonight. (Freep)

Blogger Woodwards Friend offered this speculative satire about Columnist Brian Dickerson’s wacky Joann Watson property tax odyssey column.

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