JOANN WATSON IS OUR GLENN BECK, CASINO SMOKING DOESN’T CAUSE CANCER, AND DO NOT LEAVE JIM PRICE ALONE IN THE BOOTHBy
Joann Watson teabags like she’s Sam Wurzelbacher at Larry Craig’s house
For the better part of three years, Joann Watson whined about an oppressive $300 per home tax that pays for garbage collection. Oh the injustice! Detroit’s beleaguered homeowners are forced, at gun point (in the parlance of the teabaggers), to pay $25 a month so crew of workmen can pick up their garbage on a weekly basis. Turns out Joann Watson has never once actually paid the garbage tax that she hates so much. Watson’s tax attitude calls to mind Homer Simpson’s campaign slogan when he ran for Springfield garbage commissioner: Can’t Someone Else Do It? Maybe she can get stimulus money to pay for the garbage tax. Just like she did with Cobo. (Freep)
City budget cuts spending, lets olds makes a mess everywhere
Council President Ken Cockrel is successfully passed a budget that was introduced by Mayor Ken Cockrel. It’s confusing for all of us. The important thing to know is that they are cutting a lot of jobs and city employees will take pay cuts. And there was a lot of back and forth about the Blight Courts which are awful because they make Detroiters pick up their garbage…even seniors! What kind of society is this that expects people, even our precious senior citizens, to not dump trash everywhere? Council sort of defunded the Blight Court but in a way that let’s Dave Bing restore it later this year. (DetNews)
Michigan legislators want you to die of cancer at the casino
Cigarettes will kill you with their second-hand smoke and what not. So Lansing decided to ban smoking in public places so we won’t all die of cancer. Fortunately, the medical geniuses in the state House discovered that second-hand smoke will not harm you in a casino so, assuming you vividly remember Pearl Harbor Day, you can still smoke your Pall Malls while playing the nickel slots. Some people say Lansing is wrong about this but even if they are, so what? At least the casino smoking exemption will help thin out the Social Security rolls. (Freep)
Troy is totally gay for the number 8
Times are tight and the Troy Chamber of Commerce is cutting costs for their Mackinac trip. They replaced the final syllables in words with the number 8 which is more cost effective. They plan to educ8, innov8, particip8, collabor8, and a whole bunch of other shit with a final syllable that can be expressed with the number 8. They’ll even get you drunk at their Celebr8 hospitality suite on Thursday. The Troy Chamber of Commerce probably spent months coming up with words that end in the number 8. Here is a fun number for the Troy Chamber of Commerce…12.9%. That’s our unemployment r8. (Crains)
Does this mean Jim Price will do the play-by-play?
Dan Dickerson injured his knee while jogging and he won’t be able to broadcast baseball games on the radio for a while. The Tigers need to institute some measures to ensure this never happens again. Oh sure John Keating is replacing Dickerson in the booth until he’s healthy enough to return but what about next time? What if next time John Keating isn’t available? What if Jim Price has to broadcast the game by himself? And what if you were nowhere near a tv and had to listen to the game on the radio? What then? (DetNews)
Old Fashioned Days experience old fashioned gang violence
In olden times, when rival games were forced to defend their honor through violence, the gang leaders would hold a duel. Like gentlemen. After the duel, the two gangs would share a jug of fine cider and then help a local farmer with a barn raising. It was a more civilized time back then. Usually the duel didn’t even result in immediate death. Sometimes lead poisoning from a belly shot would eventually kill an unlucky dueler but by then the cider jug was empty and the barn was complete, so no worry. Most likely typhoid would have killed that guy eventually. And that’s probably how it went down at the Fruitport Old Fashioned Days this weekend. (MLive)
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