Apr
22

A super-sized helping of Horace Sheffield, Monica totally doesn’t care, and gratuitous obscure sports references

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Worrying about shit that doesn’t matter
Terrible mayoral spokeswoman Karen Dumas and the Right Reverend Horace Sheffield (praised be His name) are angry because superficial tv reporter Chris Hansen did a superficial tv report about Detroit. Detroit is under attack, and it’s ruining our precious jewels. All this plucky little city needs is some positivity. Bad PR  is responsible for Detroit’s 50% illiteracy rate, 30% unemployment, and a nine-figure structural budget deficit after the city sold a quarter-billion dollars of bonds. Chris Hansen ruined everything. Or maybe this was all a trap to lure Horace to the Dateline studios. Have a seat, Reverend. (Freep, Freep)

Republican gubernatorial slap fight
If we mash up the candidate’s applause lines from yesterday’s debate, we get a single hyperbolic run-on sentence. Michigan needs a leader and fighter because this election must be about the next generation, and that begins with the people of Michigan who are ready for an era of innovation because, currently, we are not the education state. But we should be. And always twirling, twirling toward freedom. Screw it. Dyspathy will endorse the first candidate to promise free apple pie on Independence Day. (DetNews)

Hope that check clears
The Right Reverend Horace Sheffield (praised be His name) will help convicted felon Kwame Kilpatrick pay his restitution. It’s a good thing Kilpatrick likes money orders because Sheffield’s checks sometimes don’t clear. Consider Horace’s donation to Barack Obama’s primary campaign in June 2008, after the primaries ended. According the FEC, the bank returned the check two weeks later. Kilpatrick shouldn’t worry too much. Horace’s multiple donations to skankophile John Edwards’ campaign cleared. The good reverend has a type. (DetNews, FEC)

Monica Conyers is absolutely bonkers
And what does that say about John Conyers’ judgment? The end. (Freep)

The Vanguard-DMC deal is this bad?
Probably, like a lot people, you have questions about Vanguard purchasing the DMC. On one hand, they promise to spend millions upgrading DMC facilities. That’s good. On the other hand, the sale to a for-profit corporation potentially endangers the charity care provided by the currently non-profit DMC. That’s bad. The frogurt is also haunted. This is confusing stuff. Fortunately, Malik Shabazz and the Right Reverend Horace Sheffield (praised be His name) think the DMC sale is totally awesome. So there you go, this deal is worse than anyone thought. (some PDF thing)

Art Garfunkel doppelgänger, Ypsilanti, and medical marijuana

If you’ve ever wondered what happened to the other half of 1960s folk-rock duo Simon and Garfunkel, wonder no more. He and his prodigious white man afro are covering medical marijuana for Annarbor.com under the name “Tom Perkins.” Ypsilanti is close allowing medical marijuana dispensaries. If we can be so bold, these dispensaries should also sell cigarettes and Mrs. Wagner pies. If you start from Ypsi, instead of Saginaw, you can totally hitchhike to Pittsburgh in just under three days. (Annarbor.com)

Who are the ad wizards who came up with this one?

Spring football always fails. Ok, the USFL probably could’ve survived if Donald Trump wasn’t a asshole. But he is, and it didn’t. The only worthwhile spring football event is the NFL draft. It makes for good background tv on a Saturday afternoon. While also providing Mel Kiper with something otherwise unattainable, respectable employment. This year’s first round is tonight instead of Saturday. Not like there’s any real sports on a Thursday night. The Lions might draft legendary Japanese slugger Sadaharu Oh. That last part may not be completely accurate. (MLive)

Categories : State of the State

26 Comments

1

Did Matty Moroun buy Vanguard? That would explain Whore-ass’ DMC sale love.

2

Spring football always fails? Do you expect me to believe there isn’t a He Hate Me jersey hanging in WF’s closet?

3
Woodward's Friend
April 22nd, 2010 at 9:44 am

It’s right next to my Garo Yepremian Michigan Arrows jersey.

What I really want is a 1963 throwback Lions jersey with the number 0.

4

Let us not forget that former Lions left-handed quarterback Scott Mitchell — once described as a water buffalo by his coach — plied his trade initially for the Orlando Thunder of the World League of American Football, a spring league with NFL backing that was later reborn as NFL Europe/NFL Europa. Which also failed, so maybe we should forget it. Who knew lime green jerseys would be a bust in 1991?

I’d also point out that the Continental Indoor Football League — where I once sat the bench for two seasons as the last-string quarterback in a sort of destitute man’s George Plimpton role with the mighty Port Huron Pirates, but got a championship ring out of it — has been going (limping along) since 2006 as a spring league. It’s lasted longer than the USFL, XFL, AAFL and numerous other leagues. Imagine a football Bull Durham meets Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas, but with everyone’s paychecks bouncing (when they actually get checks).

5
One more idiot with an opinion and a keyboard
April 22nd, 2010 at 10:47 am

I’ll make a somewhat-bold assertion and say the Michigan Football spring scrimage is worthwhile spring football event. It hasn’t been much in the past, but I have a feeling that if RichRod sticks around he will find a way to hype it up sufficiently to make it entertaining and a worthwhile fundraising event.

6

“Medical Universe”? Holy crap, Ficano is back on the sauce again….he really has been studying at the Foster Brooks Patterson School of Gubmint hasn’t he?

7

At Ficken-o didn’t refer to it as a “meditropolis” or a “Vicodrome.”

8

I’m sorry but it’s absolute bullshit that the city is representing that crazy whack Conyers (the female one). There has to be a loophole to drop her ass and make her pay for her own representation.

9
Camille Desmoulins
April 22nd, 2010 at 1:37 pm

Will the good reverend and his gang of twisted malcontents be charting a flight to London so they can bully BBC executives over that odious Julian Temple documentary Requiem For Detroit that made the city look like the worst of 1945 Berlin and 1975 Beirut — but with less optimism?

10
Horace Sheffield
April 22nd, 2010 at 2:52 pm

Thank God for freedom of speech. And by the way the contribution did clear. Oh, you forgot how Republicans regulations allow banks to hold balances for inordinate periods of time. Unlike you – what I do is attributable to me – you hide behind a website.

11
Woodward's Friend
April 22nd, 2010 at 3:45 pm

Either Horace is lying here, or the Obama campaign lied in their filings with the FEC. Make your own judgment, but my money is on Obama telling the truth.

This is the screen shot from the fec.gov individual donor database records of Sheffield’s federal campaign donations. Two items for the Obama campaign. A $2300 donation on 06/30/2008 and the return of that donation on 07/14/2008, for a net contribution of $0 to Obama.

But don’t take my word for it, do your own search. http://fec.gov/finance/disclosure/norindsea.shtml

12

Thank god for freedom of speech. Unless you’re Dateline NBC, then shut the f*ck up about how Detroit is falling apart or we’ll grandstand all the way to 30 Rockerfeller Plaza.

13

Will Rev. Sheffield bring his own grandstand to 30 Rock or will we need to provide him one? Either way, you can be assured that his visit to NBC headquarters will be a memory that last him a lifetime!

14

Just your luck, WF, to badmouth the Rev when he’s online setting up the Kilpatrick/Riddle/Conyers/Waters/Ferguson/Milton/et al Defense Fund over at PayPal. The catch phrase is “Keep the Elite on the Street.” Send your money to the Rev and he’ll forward it to the felon of your choice. He’s kind of the Rev Ike for legal fees.

Also, you gotta love the rhetorical flair of the man. The GOP made my check bounce.

15

@WF, I forgot to say – Keep speaking truth to pomposity.

16

Fack the “next generation”. Fack the “Chillun”… I’m so tired of that meme. How come the local press keeps lapping that crap up and not asking the hard questions? The kids have their whole lives ahead of them and are infinitely more mobile than their parents, who are likely to be living in a tent somewhere pretty soon unless the next governor pulls out all the stops and gets this economy on a fast boil.

Everyone wants more and better for their kids, but it can’t be a coin flip between a college degree and waving goodbye to the lifeboat while you’re standing on the deck of the Titanic.

If they can offer tax breaks for Hollywood, then do it for every single business that’s licensed in the state, whether new or established.

17

I wonder if Sheffield also googles the alternate spellings of his name. . . . Whoreass?

18

I will supply my proof – which I don’t really have to – this will still be a filty rag. And as this website proves -everything published – or on the internet – doesn’t make it so. By the way – come out – come out – whoever you are – come do my radio show. I’d love for you to share your views with my listerners. And my name is Horace Lindsey Sheffield, III, after Horace Lindsey Sheffield, Sr. and Horace Lindsey Sheffield, Jr. When there is nothing else you can do – degrade someone – spit on someone – that’s all you can do – is call names. Casspark and the rest come be a guest on my show – reveal your true feelings – let us know who you really are – if you have the guts. I don’t think you do – most racist hide. In fact they usually wear sheets- white ones with hoods.

19

Aaand the race card comes out.

How little you know, Mr. Sheffielld, sir…

20

That race card is getting a little tattered from overuse.

21

Horace’s comments call to mind Spiro Agnew’s statement to the press in All The President’s Men. It’s fitting then that I should respond with Jason Robard’s wonderful line: “All non-denial denials. They doubt our ancestry, but they don’t say the story isn’t accurate.”

His lust to learn Dyspathy’s real identity betrays the small-townness of Detroit’s leadership class, particularly the bishopocracy. I think he assumes he must know of me. That I must be someone living in the stale-aired bell jar of metro Detroit politics. And once he finds out who I am, he can extract his revenge. I’m no one Horace Sheffield knows, and the outing he so fetishizes would be as unremarkable as Damone’s sexual encounter with Stacy Hamilton.

I don’t write under a pseudonym to protect my identity from the Horace Sheffields of the world. I do it because I have a day job far outside the world of politics and media. I have clients and co-workers with whom I wish to remain on good terms. I suspect that I might censor myself if I thought the guy in the cube next to me, or my boss, or the co-worker down the hall with the Sarah Palin picture on her desk, might read this knowing that I wrote it. I need to protect my day job because Matty Moroun doesn’t give me 30 pieces of silver like certain other people I might mention.

Anonymous engagement in politics has a long and storied history. Maybe Horace doesn’t realize that because of the Gopher Prairie-like bubble he inhabits. I cite numerous examples in my iFAQ. Not only is anonymity a tradition, it is a Constitutional right. Some 50+ years ago, the state of Alabama demanded the identity of all NAACP members in the state. The Supreme Court unanimously ruled that Alabama’s demand was unconstitutional, that people had the right to privacy even while engaging the public square.

Horace’s demand for names betrays something that festers deep in his increasingly marginalized sphere of influence. Unlike the majority of African-American politicians and leaders, Horace doesn’t want power to dismantle the un-American order of the George Wallaces and Thomas Bilbos. He simply wants to re-fashion their mantle in his own image.

H/t to [REDACTED] for the Supreme Court citation.

22

I wonder what the Rev preached about today. I doubt it was turning the other cheek.

23

[…] wants is for others to know how great Detroit is. Problem is, it isn’t. And it’s not the media’s fault. Slow’s is cool. Yeah, we all know. Roast is cool. We know that too. […]

24

The thing about a tattered-from-use race card is that it makes a marked deck.

“bishopocracy”? I thought it was a “ministocracy”…(?)

25

The difference amidst amateur consumption and medical employment of marijuana begs to be acknowledged. Even though I think that a responsible adult should have the right to use marijuana recreationally, I do believe, without doubt, allowing an ill person use of a plant with a long history of medical value ought to be accepted and legal. Cannabis has a great potential as a medicine and more awareness and tolerance is necessary. In Summary, legalize it!

26

Hello, also love the Shrek movies, great movie!

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