Apr
23

Norman White is your new GOB Bluth, Mike Farr – fraud superstar, and Geoffrey Fieger’s gross skin tone

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It’s not a budgetary trick, it’s an illusion

Dave Bing said he cut his mayoral staff. But did he? Maybe he shifted them around so their would be off-the-books. Using magic. Tah-dah! City Council wants to know how he pulled off this David Blaine-like illusion, but the administration (admagication?) doesn’t reveal its secrets. Probably they have a mirror set up on the CAYMAC’s 11th floor to hide the extra staff. Or maybe, when Norman White has your attention focused on the ironically named fiscal stabilization bonds in his hands, all the secret employees duck behind this trap door. Classic misdirection. Oddly enough, City Council isn’t impressed. (DetNews)

Poisoning the well
All the top brass at the Water and Sewerage Department are retiring at the same time. Or they’re being forced out for not agreeing with Team Bing. Or maybe they’re been re-assigned to one of the administration’s secret non-appointee appointee jobs. In any case, Karen Dumas denied anyone was retiring a half hour before the Free Press reported the news. Let’s just go ahead and say her statement is no longer the operative statement. Dumas isn’t the world’s best press secretary for nothing. (Crains)

Mike Farr stole your pension
Did you know, according to Mike Farr’s “autobiographical” Wikipedia page, that Mike Farr was known as the Third Down Receiver because of his many key third down receptions? When the mediocre ex-Lions wide receiver wasn’t extensively editing his own Wikipedia page, he was stealing your pension. Something called Onyx Investments received a big chunk of the city’s pension fund to invest in a wide-range of diversified ventures. But they just “invested” almost all the money in Mike Farr’s ill-fated used car lot in Georgia. This is the kind of empowering local investments that make the pension funds such a precious jewel. (Freep, Wikipedia)

Last refuge of the scoundrel

Remember when convicted felon Monica Conyers blamed you for her problems because you heathens weren’t praying enough? Well, now she’s in divinity school. Pretty soon Monica will have some theological reasons for why your unprayerfulness caused the downfall of Detroit’s greatest politician, Monica Conyers. The very fact that she’s in divinity school is amazing because your blasphemy took a huge toll on Monica. If she was a lesser person, like one of you slobs, she would have killed herself. John should be so lucky. (DetNews)

Geoffrey Fieger to join Jersey Show cast

HBO premiered the Jack Kevorkian biopic at the DIA last night. Holy shit Geoffrey Fieger is orange. Like so orange that he’s going to make out with Snookie in a hot tub. And then start fights with Pauly D. What awful insecurities must drive a 60-year-old man to fake tan like an dumpy suburban girl? Does he still have his high school graduation tassel hanging from his rear view mirror too? I guess someone has to drink Appletinis at Black Finn. That someone is Geoffrey Fieger. (Freep)

A Dyspathy PSA: free speech is cool
So Comedy Central pussied out and censored Wednesday night’s South Park episode to mollify a small group of violent pigfucking troglodytes. On Monday, the right Reverend Horace Sheffield (praised be His name) travels to New York to demand NBC News subjugate their programming to the whims of the Babbitts and Elmer Gantrys of the world. Hopefully, the brass at 30 Rock will tell Horace where he can shove it. Preferably sideways. And to the Vichy journalists collaborating with Horace, fuck you too. (MLive, PDFcast)

Categories : State of the State

19 Comments

1
One more idiot with an opinion and a keyboard
April 23rd, 2010 at 9:00 am

“Sheffield will meet with Dateline’s Chris Hansen & CBS execs in New York”

Nice to know that he city’s ambassadors have all their ducks in a row before going to protest the accuracy of a news report.

2

Horace Sheffield is a provincial slob. Ooh. HPSIC!

3

Is His Holiness, the right Reverand Horace L. Sheffield III, going to use the Sunday offerings of the parishioners of his church, which happens to be located in an impoverished neighborhood on the east side of Detroit, to fund his trip to visit the CBS (sic) execs in New York? That sounds like a super duper awesome way to spend poor people’s money.

4

Ah, those Procyon days of yore:

http://www.mcclatchydc.com/2009/01/13/59566/the-other-dark-meat-raccoon-is.html

Maybe the Rev (pbHn!) and his people will go after McClatchy for calling raccoon “the other dark meat.”

The most important thing the Rev (pbHn!) must do every other day until August is to keep his name on the front pages of the newspapers and as the lead story on the films at 11 so that the good senior citizens of the near east side remember to vote absentee for his daughter in the primary.

But he knows that. He isn’t keeping his name in the paper to lift Detroit in prayer. He’s keeping his name in the paper to help his daughter fare better in the primaries than her disappointing seventh-place finish in 2008.

5
Camille Desmoulins
April 23rd, 2010 at 11:09 am

How long before the Religion of Peace starts dictating to us things beyond censorship of juvenile satire?

Would CC have censored this if Hutaree threatened violence of South Park’s depiction of Jesus?

Caving to loudmouth, humorless and sexless thugs almost always ends up in tragedy and catastrophe. The jihadists are no different than the bullying Nazis, Stalin’s secret police zealots, Maoist political cadres, Pol Pots murderous gangs and other self-appointed Orwellian thought/behavior police.

The jihadists, however, have worldwide apologists and abbetors in the form of the spineless, craven suits at CC.

6

The “South Park” creators should consider online-only broadcast, and they– unlike Horace Sheffield (pbHn) — could hide from the jihadists behind a website.

7

What’s with former marginal Lions receivers lately? First that guy in Frasier humping his students and now Mike Farr. Someone should check into what Aubrey Matthews has been up to.

8

I can’t tell what’s worse… Jihadis threatening violence over an episode of South Park, or the fact that anyone still watches South Park.

9

@ Casspark: HPSIC? Sorry, a little slow on the draw today, please splain it to me. Thank you!

10

@ Julie, I couldn’t figure out what the hell HPSIC was either. I’m glad I wasn’t the only one.
The best I could guess was Head P_____ S______ In Charge.

She couldn’t have meant “Head Provincial Slob In Charge,” couldn’t she’ve?

Who knows what Casspark meant?! And who knows whether her “ooh” preceding her acronym was a constipated ooh, a pleasuresome ooh, or a “Eureka!” ooh. Or maybe she was just oohing like a “Glee” extra. Anyhow, Casspark is just proof that our public schools are failing our students.

@ Casspark: Please be a doll and tell us what you meant by that, hon’.

11

Eureka: Head Provincial Slob in Charge.

12

Ah, thanks so much CP! I am now enlightened. In a good way, though!

13

What’s Sheffield’s daughter’s name? Is it Tiffany?

14

The seventh-place wonder’s name is Mary.

15

@UO: Thanks. I read this thread at work and so skimmed over it. I somehow got Shefffield’s name mixed up with another much publicized preacher. I taught the daughter of the latter and what a spoiled brat! I was hoping she wasn’t anywhere near elective office. I should have known she wouldn’t run for public office. She would expect a crown.

16

Well Teach, one of the former council members wore a crown, so I can understand why she might think she got one, too!

17

@Julie: I’m trying to block all that out of my memory. “Onward Christian Soldi ….” Damn! Now that song’ll be in my head all night.

18

David Blaine has very good showmanship and his poops are good too.;:.

19

David Blaine is not the best magician but he surely amazes me with his old tricks;”-

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