May
28

EVERYONE WILL DIE IN LOCAL PARKING GARAGES, REPUBLICANS EYE THE PRECIOUS JEWELS, AND MORE FROM TIM SKUBICK

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Ford, Cobo Garages are unholy death traps
Parking in the Ford Auditorium or Cobo Hall garages puts your life in danger. Grave danger? Is there any other kind?  If you park in either facility, it’s very likely that a giant hunk of concrete will fall on your head or the head of a beloved elderly parent or young child. Even if you can avoid the hellish onslaught of crumbling cement, there’s a good chance you’ll be trapped in a fire and burned to death. Naturally, both garages have remained open to the public since May 19 when City Council learned of their deadly state of disrepair. Council probably assumes these safety violations are just a plot to steal our Lucky Charms precious jewels, like Cobo’s leaking roof during Autorama. (DetNews)

Mike Cox uncovers evidence of his own gubernatorial campaign

Six years ago, Cox investigated convicted felon Kwame Kilpatrick and discovered nothing more than some time card padding. All the rest of the allegations against him were an “urban legend.” The Officer Barbrady of Michigan politics was in Mackinac to make his campaign for governor all official. If elected he’s going to cut taxes in half. Good idea, since tax policy should be in no way connected to spending policy. Meanwhile, where’s George Perles? He was supposed to be running for governor too. Is he running for governor of the New York Jets instead? If we fire the Michigan State President (again) will Perles re-enter the race? Joel Ferguson can make that happen. (Freep)

Evil Republicans attempt to keep Auto Show in Detroit, expand Cobo
Just who do these Republicans think they are? The Detroit City Council already shit the bed on the Cobo expansion and that’s the way they like it. Onward Christian Soldiers and the like. Now these Republican overlords are giving Council a chance to reconsider before crafting an alternative non-Detroit plan to ensure the Auto Show remains an international event. Don’t they care that their shenanigans only makes it harder for Monica Conyers and Martha Reeves to get Federal stimulus funds for Cobo? Of course not, these Republicans want to Cobo’s jewels ($15,000,000 annual operating deficit) all to themselves. They have no regard for Detroit taxpayers like Joann Watson or her $68. (Freep)

Unwashed populous to ruin Grand Rapids’ ArtPrize

Grand Rapids is having a huge art event. Artists will do big art projects all over downtown, transforming the city into a living gallery of sorts. It’s the kind of innovative and creative event one expects to happen in the state’s major city. That’s why it’s taking place in Grand Rapids. The best art project wins a $250,000 prize. Unfortunately the public at-large will select the “best” art. Anyone can vote. On the internet. H.L. Mencken once wrote that democracy “has no more made men wise and free than Christianity has made them good.” The wisdom of democracy and goodness of Christianity explains why Thomas Kinkade will ultimately win this contest. Even though he isn’t competing. (MLive)

Our second Tim Skubick piece this week
Skubick’s latest blog post is not written in bold. Dyspathy totally takes credit for that. Tweak the formatting a little bit and his blog will be readable. Skubick thinks John Engler’s support for moving Gitmo prisoners to the Upper Peninsula is really a nefarious plot to weaken Bart Stupak’s standing with his constituents. Engler is the guy who one-time tricked Debbie Stabenow into introducing his tax reform plan with little more than a double-dog dare. So this ‘throw Stupak under the bus’ and make it look like he’s helping Obama thing is halfway plausible. And he would have gotten away with it, if it wasn’t for these meddling kids. (Skoops Blog)

Lansing Airport Customs station saves local economy
Some people look at the grim economic news and are despondent. Those people are what est facilitators, Scientologists, and Amway Emeralds like to call “losers.” Winners refuse to participate in a recession even if their car was repo’ed and they lost the home to foreclosure. The fine Customs and Border Patrol agents at the Lansing airport have just that kind of can do attitude. It’s so efficient to take international flights in and out of Lansing that the airport has literally become the cornerstone of the Lansing Chamber of Commerce’s marketing campaign. Come for the Breslin Center. Stay for the airport. (Lansing State Journal)

Categories : State of the State

11 Comments

1

I must say this is a great article i enjoyed reading it keep the good work :)

2

Cobo Hall: magically delicious.

When approached by a Cox campaigner, always be sure to ask “Do you love cocks?” and “Are you a big fan of cocks?”

3

Shit, where am I supposed to park when I have to go downtown, now? I guess I should have had a clue when I saw that the ceiling was being held up with jacks, huh? But you know, it was really really important that the Mayor (his Majesty the Kwame) was kept in regal style and not denied anything he wanted; it was worth way much more to make sure he had his bling and such, than insuring the safety of the public by spending the money maintaining the garages. Your wish is my command, Master!

4

Great post. I will read your posts frequently. Added you to the RSS reader.

5

Wow. Julie. Pull it together. Blaming Kwame for mundane city dysfunction is so 2008.

6

The last time I parked at Cobo, during the NAIAS, I was forced to pay upon entering the garage. Then when leaving I was asked to pay again…by the same person who asked me to pay on the way in. Too bad it didn’t work. Maybe they’d be able to maintain the garage if everyone would’ve paid twice.

7

People pay to park here?

8

I am so sorry, S.G., I apologize for my faux pas, please forgive me. Of course, his Majesty that is the Kwame had nothing to do with the current conditions. It is totally the fault of the Mayors Ken Cockrell and Dave Bing. OR NOT!

9
Ansel Rakestraw
May 29th, 2009 at 8:10 am

I am creating a monumental sculpure for the Grand Rapids Art fair. It is an oversized replica of George Perles holding the 1987 Tournament of Roses trophy. Tony Mandarich will be represented placing an mantle on his houlders while John DiBiaggio will be writihing in agony under Coaches tread. The entire piece is made of bacon grease.

Hopefully, this will be the gesture that helps Coach realize how we all need him to lead us forward.

Only YOU can make history happen. Please vote for my sculpture.

10
G. Mennen Williams
May 29th, 2009 at 8:55 pm

Skubick is a changed man. Two days without writing all his blog posts in bold. The first two days in his blogging career without, in fact!

The next Dyspathy should be all bold in tribute.

11

I was working for the city of Detroit when i piece of the roof fell on my and broke my neck at cobo hall. since then i have been fired from my job wit no unemployment, no diability, and perminant lose of movement in my neck/ with chronic neck pain and a bunch of other problems. I have no way to take care of my kids and my wife is leaving me. As far as tha legal system, they are saying that they had no previous knowlegde of any roofing propblems so they should not be held responsible for any damages. The lawyer that i have sukks ass, he probably in on the take wit the rest of em. So i just wanted to vent and say thax for creating a monster Detroit, so don’t be suprised if i’m sittin at your door step with a goon face on!!!!

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