May
24

Detroit 2010: better than Berlin 1945, shrinking Grand Rapids’ precious jewels, and Hooters’ customers have high standards

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Detroit’s shit doesn’t stink

The media keeps reporting these awful things about Detroit. 30% unemployment, nearly bankrupt city government, last-in-the-nation student test scores, the time the police accidentally shot a seven-year-old because her uncle intentionally shot a 17-year-old, etc, etc. Some political hacks and the bishopocracy have had enough. They want “balance.” Otis Mathis says some DPS students have straight A averages. Why won’t the media—probably controlled by the Jews—report that? It’s not like kids have straight A averages anywhere else in the universe. The outsiders are cold jealous of Detroit’s academic achievements. (Freep)

Weekend pundit crapfest
Paul W. Smith inherited this town’s most powerful morning radio show, and has his own weekly newspaper column. But he’s madder than heckfire because the media (again with the media) refuses to report on…something. He mentioned what that something was—almost as a footnote in his column—but we forget. Meanwhile, Mitch Albom is convinced A&E killed Aiyana Jones because of their reality show. TV cameras have no business tracking cops, you know, like on that 25-year-old show COPS. Detroit Free Press reporters shouldn’t embed themselves with police officers either. Oh wait, Mitch left that part out. Probably an oversight. (DetNews, Freep)

The Grand Rapids trail of tears

Shea Howell warned you. First they came for DPS, but you didn’t care because you weren’t a DPS student. Then they came (or plan to come) for nearly vacant east side neighborhoods, but you don’t care because you don’t live on the east side. Next they—by which we mean the capitalist oppressor ruling elite—will come for overlapping Kent and Ottawa County governmental jurisdictions. And who is left to speak for the redundant bureaucrats of Kent and Ottawa County’s 537 jurisdictions? Without direction action by a cadre from the people’s revolutionary vanguard, Grand Rapids may soon go the way of thriving cities in Indiana and Kentucky. (MLive)

Adrian nuns don’t molest enough altar boys
The Catholic Church’s ever-shrinking flock leaves Pope Benedict with fewer church resources to go around. Everyone must pull their own weight. These Adrian nuns are infected with secular culture. They’re devoting too much time to serving their fellow man, when they should be molesting altar boys like the more theologically conservative priests. But this totally isn’t an issue of theological politics. Look at Paul Shanley in Boston. The guy was slightly left of Trotsky and he molested with the best of them. These Adrian nuns can learn a thing or two from Paul Shanley. (Freep)

Pleasant Ridge and Bloomfield Hills: no friends of mine

It wasn’t an easy decision, but these impoverished communities decided they can longer support the Woodward Avenue Action Association. Making sure Woodward doesn’t look like shit isn’t a priority in Pleasant Ridge and Bloomfield Hills. But what about the $5000 (total) they used to give the WAAA every year? They’ll probably just spend it on lottery tickets and fortified wine. Because that’s what poors do with their discretionary income. Ha ha ha, Bloomfield Hills and Pleasant Ridge are poors now. (Freep)

No Fat Chicks – not just a motto, it’s a way of life
So you know those lard asses who are all the time at Hooters, putting away breaded and fried leftover chicken parts like it’s going out of style? Usually while their bellies strain against the overstressed fabric of a XXXL “No Fat Chicks” t-shirt. That slogan isn’t a suggestion. Hooters told Roseville’s Cassie Smith to lose some of the 132 lbs on her 5’8″ frame. Or look for work at Lady Jane’s. Hooter’s has standards. And just being way too hot to consider (even while drunk) fellating the average Hooter’s customer isn’t good enough. (Macomb Daily)

Team of destiny Spitfires lift Windsor in junior hockey glory
The last time anyone except the Red Green Show demographic cared about junior hockey was 1991, when the easily concussed Eric Lindros refused to take his glass skull to Quebec City. Junior hockey combines the quiet desperation of small town minor league sports with the ethical problems of big time high school athletics. Still, the Windsor Spitfires are junior hockey champions because they beat some team named after a Tragically Hip song about a guy who didn’t kill this other guy. Or they named the song after the team. It doesn’t matter, they lost to Windsor. No one cares about something you didn’t do. Yay Canadian Detroit! (Windsor Star)

Categories : State of the State

17 Comments

1
Downriver's Friend
May 24th, 2010 at 8:27 am

Appreciated the link to the Macomb Daily Hooters story. Caption under Cassie’s photo says “click to enlarge”. lawlz.

2

Boy, we kind of feel like suckers for building that light up totem pole in the middle of Woodward now. Who knew the other cities wouldn’t keep up their end of the plan? Oh, everybody did? Shoot.

Wasn’t Paul Shanley in KISS or something?

3

Surely someone must edit Paul W. Smith’s column… right? I’m no master of prose or anything, but his writing is inexcusably bad.

4
Camille Desmoulins
May 24th, 2010 at 9:24 am

Speaking of bad writing, why does the Macomb Daily writer feel it necessary to say the Hooters waitress lives in her parents’ “brick, ranch-style home?” Is that really the visual verbal detail we’re looking for? Does anyone give a shit what the house looks like?

“I was proud of myself working out the last months losing 10 pounds to get ready for my summer body.”

Summer body? Sounds like a shallow chick working for the shallowest of eateries for shallow customers.

5

I was just howling with laughter about the Freep story about the WAAA and the totem poles today. Apparently they’re going to attract tourism. Because that’s exactly what people want for their summer vacations. I pass this thing frequently and it’s just ridiculous –unattractive and pointless.

6

Someone in Macomb County still has a job?

7

And if she wants to keep that job, she’d better do a little less bingin’ and a little more purgin’. That’s how they roll at Hooters.

8

Let’s see, at 5’8″ and 132 pounds, that’s a BMI of 20.1. Yeah, she’s a real porker.

Then again, she was working at Hooters — did she think she was working at a classy establishment?

If she’s going to purge, she might as well pick something better than their nasty a$$ wings.

9

I really don’t know which public art takes home the ugly award: It’s either the piles and piles of scrap metal in Hart Plaza or the M1 mall art.

10

They want to put those things every half-mile up Woodward!!?

It’s ridiculous looking, and made even more-so by the solar panel or whatever that is that’s stuck on top of it.

11

It was only a matter of time before Ferndale had its own phallic symbol to be proud of.

12

You’re all ignoring the obvious economic impact from German tourists taking Segway tours of Woodward Ave’s Easter Island-like phallic symbols.

13

Ferndale probably already has some sort of law against Segways on Woodward

14

I am now forced to wonder who wrote this, and if English was their first language:

http://www.woodwardavenue.org/Invest/Community+Profile-124.html

“Known as Funky Ferndale, the Woodward gateway to Oakland County has a personality all its own. Ferndale is truly a melting pot home to a large Lesbian, Gay and Trans-gendered community it is a welcoming community that prides itself on being a “Good Neighbor”. That saying extends into the city’s leadership being among the first communities in the state to create a streamlined process for filmmakers seeking to shine their spotlight on the city.

Ferndale comprised mainly of single family homes has residencies that range from quaint starter bungalow’s to historic homes. At the core of this community’s DNA is it’s thriving downtown. Home to a mix of mostly locally owned retail, hospitality and service based businesses, there is always a unique shot right around the corner. From local legendary haunts such as vintage clothier Mother Fletchers to 1970’s inspired Boogie Fever, there is something for every scene.

Landmark:
Woodward Tribute, a totem pole comprised of solar panels that displays images of what makes Woodward such unique American roadway, located at the corner of Cambourne and Woodward.

As one of the film’s favorite cities in the state, Ferndale has been home to several feature and made for television films including, Whip It, Prayers for Bobby, Monster Garage Motor City and more.”

15
Camille Desmoulins
May 24th, 2010 at 3:23 pm

So Ferndale is the HoMo BoHo SoHo?

16

Fo sho, C’mo D’Molo. It’s the de novo suburbo, y’know?

17

Y’all’s boy being interviewed by Frankie Darcell this past Sunday.

http://tinyurl.com/36y7kgj

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