John Conyers is a coward, Tom Lewand is a drunk driver, and Dyspathy gets all Marshall McLuhan-yBy
Capital Beltway is John Conyers’ Maginot Line
For people who keep Mike Allen atop their RSS readers, aged coward John Conyers is a swell guy. Even if his delusional sociopath of a wife used his brand name, with his explicit permission and support, to loot Detroit. Conyers shouldn’t have to answer questions about that. And no one should ask those questions, either. At least if they want to attend next year’s White House Correspondents’ Dinner. To borrow from DeGaulle’s famous quip about Petain: John Conyers was a great man; he died in 2004. (Freep)
Should Mike Cox even be in this country?
According to a recent profile, Mike Cox’s parents emigrated from Ireland. That’s interesting because America is overrun by illegal Irish immigrants all the time tukin’ r jibs. Did Cox’s parents have green cards? Should Mike Cox be deported? These are meaningless questions because (a) Mike Cox was born in the U.S.; and (b) even if his parents were illegal, Ronald Reagan’s 1986 Immigration Act granted them amnesty. We only raise the issue because Cox’s base would be outraged if a guy named Miguel Cortez ran for office with a similar story. (MLive)
No one cares about Virg Bernero
When Bernero announced his gubernatorial campaign, labor’s elder statesmen sported non-Viagra induced wood for the first time in God knows how many years. Bernero was their new Larry Owen. And they were more right about that then even they knew. Just like Owen, labor darling of the 1990s, no one (outside the seven people who watch Off The Record) actually cares about Virg Bernero. Or the shouty noises he one time made on cable tv. (LSJ)
At least he wasn’t naked
Let’s acknowledge that Tom Lewand’s drunk driving arrest isn’t the worst thing he’s ever done. Fans will remember that hiring Matt Millen was Tom Lewand’s bright idea. And maybe that’s what drove the man to drink. And then drive. Or maybe incompetence and bad behavior is how you stay employed with the Lions. That would explain why the team chose bean-counter Chuck Schmidt and awful coach Wayne Fontes over successful NFL GM Jerry Vanisi back in the early 1990s. (DetNews)
Anecdotal evidence suggests nothing
Intrepid Detroit News reporters went out for lunch, and discovered that business was slightly better at restaurants where Detroit News reporters sometimes eat. Scientific economic assessments are elitist and vaguely French. This “anecdotal evidence” (technically not evidence at all) is a much better way to prove the economy is super awesome. We should use this method always. For instance, if Detroit News reporters write lazy stories suggesting a couple restaurants are indicative of the entire economy then we can assume (based on the anecdotal evidence) that all Detroit News reporters write lazy stories. (DetNews)
Stop embarrassing Mitch Albom
When less than 0.1% of the American population took a personal day to purchase the new iPhone, Mitch Albom was very offended. There are one million and one things I’d rather do, instead of standing in the iPhone line. But none of them include writing a finger-wagging column about people who stand in iPhone lines. It must be tough being Mitch Albom. Every time a few people do something that’s seems eccentric or silly, Mitch sees the end of Western Civilization. It’s not like these people told their boss they were attending a basketball game with Mateen Cleaves so they could hang outside an Apple Store. (Freep)
Leave a Comment
You must be logged in to post a comment.