Jun
29

Ooooh that smell, can’t you smell that smell? The smell of Tom Lewand’s whiskey breath surrounds you

By

MLive has a 20 minute dashboard camera video of Tom Lewand’s arrest video. If Lewand was wearing a wife beater, COPS would save this gem for sweeps week. It’s one thing to get drunk. Who hasn’t done that? Even receiving a DUI is forgivable. Good people sometimes make mistakes. But lying to the cops and acting like a huge dick is something else. Apparently, Lewand’s SUV smelled like a brewery because the police officers smelled hooch the second he rolled down his window. Actual dialogue:

Police officer: How ya doin’…man, how much have you had to drink?
Lewand: Not a thing.
Police officer: Not a thing?
Lewand: Nooooooooooo!

It goes downhill from there. The police gave Lewand several opportunities to revise his story. Despite reeking of alcohol, he claimed hasn’t had a drink in 18 months. He even claimed to be someone’s designated driver. Then he failed the field sobriety test. Lewand told the cop he thought he passed, but Lewand also thought Matt Millen would make a good GM. He’s never been the best judge of talent.

At that point, he was given two options. Either take a breathalyzer test, or go to jail. It’s a simple question, really. Unless you’re Tom Lewand and really, really drunk. He thoroughly tried the cops’ patience by weighing the many pros and cons of taking a breathalyzer test as well as the many pros and cons of going to jail. Finally he agreed to take the breathalyzer. Then he was like: oh but what happens if there’s a false positive? That might be a legitimate concern, assuming you don’t have a blood alcohol level of 0.21. That’s when the cops broke out the handcuffs. The end. (MLive, with video)

Categories : Big Important News

2 Comments

1

It’s a good thing these interwebs weren’t around when old Hank “The Little” Ford was kickin’ otherwise the name of this site might just be Duecepathy.

Never complain, never explain.

2
Camille Desmoulins
June 30th, 2010 at 9:58 am

The best part? “Breath mints”

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