New police chief lacks Warren Evans’ silver fox sex appeal, crimes of passion and lemonade, and City Council breaks down the new fall line-up

Warren Evans is a gentle and considerate lover
What? You know it’s true. That’s why he was having sexy time with an age inappropriate police lady. When he wasn’t trying out for reality shows. Something in there explains why Evans was fired yesterday. There was no official explanation from Team Bing because it’s a secret. Evans is now free to combine his interests in sexy time and reality tv on a law enforcement-themed season of The Bachelor. Of course Evans’ current girl would be a contestant. Anyone who pulls a gun inside River Rock bar is reality tv material. (WXYZ, DetNews)

What is Jack Brandenburg smoking?
Can’t say because he refuses to take a drug test. Why should Jack Brandenburg need to take a drug test? Because some douchebag Brandenburg staffer says Leon Drolet is a stoner hippie or something. Drolet denies the allegation. The Two Guys Named Joe guys offered to give everyone in the race a drug test. Drolet agreed. Kim Meltzer agreed. Jack Brandenburg, not so much. What is Jack Brandenburg hiding? That he likes to toke up after furiously masturbating to thoughts of oral sex and Jennifer Gratz? Maybe. We may never know. (Two Guys Named Joe)

The kind of thing that only happens in a made-for-tv movie
When two men rob a child’s lemonade stand, one mother (played by Tracy Gold or The Facts of Life’s Kim Fields) decides she’s had enough and fights back. Seriously, how does that not win an Emmy and go into heavy rotation on Lifetime Movie? The first part of that story actually happened. Two festering wastes of carbon robbed four little girls at their lemonade stand in Pontiac. Hopefully, prison guards will announce their crime over the cell block loudspeaker seconds before they enter the shower room. Then the security cameras suddenly don’t work for like five minutes. (Freep)

Ann Arbor Art Fair brings Middle America, crafts to fancy college town
There are two things Ann Arborites hate. Michael Rosenberg, for being mean to U of M football, and the Art Fair. Every year this municipal incarnation of stuffwhitepeoplelike.com finds itself overrun with real ‘Mericans shopping for handmade birdhouses while eating fried dough in various forms. Ann Arbor can’t wait until next week, when its residents can again enjoy mimosas and vegan brunch in peace at Café Zola. (Annarbor.com)

Turn-back-the-clock day at City Council
The new fall season is almost here. City Council can’t wait. They’ve scheduled a special Committee of the Whole session to discuss all the exciting new shows. Well, ok, only one. And it isn’t Conan’s TBS program. In a nod to the days of Monica, Martha, and BRC, Council will spend next Tuesday afternoon feigning outrage over Detroit 1-8-7. People in New York City were killed every week on Law & Order, and the Big Apple survived. Detroit 1-8-7 isn’t an existential threat to the Motor City. We’ll be ok, even if Joann Watson doesn’t author a resolution of condemnation. (Freep)

Things not covered by the film industry incentives
For instance, a five-figure bill at the Townsend Hotel. Technically the producers of Little Murder (coming soon to the straight to DVD market) have to pay their $37,000 tab. But what if some other state lets movie companies stay in their hotels for free? Then Michigan’s vibrant film economy will be screwed. The Townsend shouldn’t make these nice movie people pay their bill. Not if they care about Michigan. After all, without the film industry, the Townsend wouldn’t even have a $37,000 bill to collect. Win-win. (Crains)