Jul
30

Elitist Dave Bing frames illiterate everyman Otis Mathis

By

The Otis Mathis case just got real. Turns out—if you believe Mathis’ lawyer—Mathis didn’t rub-n-tug in front of Teresa Gueyser, or write that shockingly competent resignation letter. Mathis’ improbably-named attorney Odie Uddyback says the whole thing was a devious plot to discredit Mathis so Dave Bing could steal Detroit’s precious jewel public schools. Which he will sell to the evil “suburbianites.” For money. That he’ll deposit in a bank controlled by the Rothschild family and the Elders of Zion.

Literally the only thing standing in his way was Otis Mathis. That’s why the conspirators invented the story about him playing with himself in front of Teresa Gueyser. Her testimony in court (“I said, ‘I’m sick of this shit. I’m so sick of you behaving this way. You are a pervert’.”) is obviously a lie crafted by nefarious forces.

Just consider Otis Mathis’ alleged resignation letter. Mathis couldn’t have written that letter anymore than Philip Roth could’ve written Tuesdays with Morrie. The man—who was in charge of an organization tasked with teaching tens of thousands of children to read—is basically an illiterate dullard. That’s why he posed a threat, and had to be eliminated.

Some folks might find this theory hard to believe since Gueyser was fired a week later, but whatever. Facts should never get in the way of a good conspiracy. If willfully ignorant “sheeple” paid attention to Alex Jones or Shea Howell, instead of just believing lies crafted by the “lamestream” media, they’d know that.(DetNews)

Categories : Big Important News

11 Comments

1

Ain’t to proud to grab low-hanging plums:

1.) This story just keeps on . . . yes, coming.

2.) Odie Uddyback is like a satin ribbon atop a self-parody package. Or, as Jon Stewart would say: “Thank you, Yahweh.”

3.) Though your posts don’t compose themselves, this must be nearly like loading a player piano roll.

2

Odie Uddyback, huh? I just see that and immediately think, Garfield Frontbottom.

These recent stories go beyond player piano these days. We’re talking all-on at Acme’s Music House Museum, all-stops-pulled-out action this week ‘… while the people shout “Strike up the band!’…”

(groaning) at “Ain’t too proud to grab low-hanging plums”

3

yeah i think i remember writing that one. an east coast lit professor tells his former grad assistant/3rd wife that “morrie” hosts a poker game every tuesday night. instead, every tuesday the aging prof meets his best friend’s daughter for sexual indiscretions. which make him feel alive. mortality is pondered. past traumas are re-visited. hijinx ensue.

4

Roth, you drunk old bastard! Where are we boozing this weekend?

5

Odie Uddyback? I do admit that I wondered who wrote his resignation letter. But what a fantastic legal argument. Uddy’ll be writing the sequel to the Book of Mormon next.

6
Downriver's Friend
July 30th, 2010 at 9:59 pm

Who names their kid after a Garfield character? Probably a slobbering idiot, just like the cartoon dog.

7

Nathan Zuckerman and I are doing shots at Black FInn with some spray tanned hotties. Roth and grandcircus should totally roll by.

8

Seriously? “You know Mr. Mathis is not capable of writing a letter that is this grammatically correct,” Uddyback told Gueyser during cross examination.

From The Detroit News: http://www.detnews.com/article/20100730/METRO01/7300400/Judge-orders-Otis-Mathis-to-stand-trial-on-fondling-charge#ixzz0vDwkv6Oj
THAT’S your defense? For the president of a school board?

I’ve been trying to come up with an appropriate string of curses, here, and it defeats me.

9

It’s best not to think about it Amy. Come up to Black Finn with me and grandcircus. Philip Roth is rocking a crazy Ed Hardy shirt like he’s been GTLing since he left Columbus. And Zuckerman is fist pumping out on the dance floor. Three shots of jager and that guy is cold unbound. Later, we’re gonna beat up some Lindbergh voters or get some veal. Maybe both.

10

what, no invite? what am i, chopped liver? may your daughters all be jains, may your sons be cuckolded by diseased septugenarians.

11
Camille Desmoulins
August 1st, 2010 at 6:29 pm

I notice that Odie Uddyback can be rearranged to spell “BAD DICKEY DUO” and “DEAD BUOY DICK” … this must mean something. And Otis Mathis can be rearranged to spell “AIM ITS SHOT” and “AMOS SHIT IT” … enough said.

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