Free the Enbridge Pipeline, Rochelle Riley to discover capri pants, and criminal masterminds not what they used to beBy
Socialist federal government hurts Frank Beckmann’s feelings
The Great Voice of Great Lakes Pollution, Frank Beckmann, will not like reading about this. Assuming he possesses the cognitive capacity to read. The government won’t let the God-fearing, patriotic job creators at Enbridge Oil re-open their beloved oil pipeline. Even though said pipeline generously donated oil to the rivers and streams that feed our Great Lakes. Why do radical environmentalists, i.e. Republican Congressman Fred Upton, keep hassling this wonderful company? Thank the Christ Jesus brave media personalities like Frank Beckmann defend the little guy. Which is corporate America. (Michigan Messenger)
Do we need a Jesse Jackson-Detroit drinking game?
The formerly relevant Jackson is spending a lot of time in Detroit. Move over Time Magazine, Jesse Jackson is your new Assignment Detroit! Rule #1: Whenever Jesse Jackson refers to Detroit as the economic crisis “ground zero,”, drink. Rule #1a: If one of his Dominionist friends, say the right Reverend Charles Ellis (praised be His name), opposes building a mosque on the ground zero of the economic crisis, drink while eating a Slow’s Triple Threat Pork sandwich. On a Sunday. With a gay friend. Add your own Jesse Jackson drinking game rules as you see fit. (DetNews)
Rochelle Riley has this amazing idea no one ever thought of before
You’ve probably never heard this before, but historically most Detroit City Councilmembers live in northwest Detroit. Who would have figured that people with middle-class incomes would live in the city’s middle-class neighborhoods? Crazy. Still, someone should do something about that. If only there was some way to, I don’t know, create a more proportional system of electing Council? Maybe some kind of Council By…let me finish…Districts? Oh wait, that passed last year. By a 3-to-1 margin. When Rochelle Riley didn’t think it was a good idea. (Freep)
Dumbing down “mastermind”
Criminal supergenius Loren Wheeler devised a clever plot to kill his ex-wife. Except he was caught. And pled no contest. Then he said (in Monica Conyers-esque fashion) he didn’t understand the plea bargain he agreed to. So Wheeler is hoping for a do-over. A regular Bond villain, this one. The Bay City Times calls Wheeler a “mastermind.” Excuse me if this sounds like a Sports Reporters-Lupica-Albom-Chicken-Little rant, but what happened to standards in this country? When did every jilted loser with homicidal intentions become a criminal mastermind? Have some standards, people. (MLive)
Mitch Albom is very concerned about Antonio Cromartie’s children
Cromartie has eight kids by six women, and one time he had trouble naming all of them. Mitch does not care for this situation. Because of morals Mitch learned from Morrie. Then again, unlike most serial procreators, Cromartie can afford his flock. It’s not like he’s a 17-year-old high school dropout with no marketable skills. How would that person get by as an unwed parent? Other than going on Dancing With The Stars. Mitch won’t write a Bristol Palin column for a few more years. Because, seriously, the rest of the world stopped caring about over-breeding professional athletes around 1998. (Freep)
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