Aug
30

Free the Enbridge Pipeline, Rochelle Riley to discover capri pants, and criminal masterminds not what they used to be

By

Socialist federal government hurts Frank Beckmann’s feelings
The Great Voice of Great Lakes Pollution, Frank Beckmann, will not like reading about this. Assuming he possesses the cognitive capacity to read. The government won’t let the God-fearing, patriotic job creators at Enbridge Oil re-open their beloved oil pipeline. Even though said pipeline generously donated oil to the rivers and streams that feed our Great Lakes. Why do radical environmentalists, i.e. Republican Congressman Fred Upton, keep hassling this wonderful company? Thank the Christ Jesus brave media personalities like Frank Beckmann defend the little guy. Which is corporate America. (Michigan Messenger)

Do we need a Jesse Jackson-Detroit drinking game?
The formerly relevant Jackson is spending a lot of time in Detroit. Move over Time Magazine, Jesse Jackson is your new Assignment Detroit! Rule #1: Whenever Jesse Jackson refers to Detroit as the economic crisis “ground zero,”, drink. Rule #1a: If one of his Dominionist friends, say the right Reverend Charles Ellis (praised be His name), opposes building a mosque on the ground zero of the economic crisis, drink while eating a Slow’s Triple Threat Pork sandwich. On a Sunday. With a gay friend. Add your own Jesse Jackson drinking game rules as you see fit. (DetNews)

Rochelle Riley has this amazing idea no one ever thought of before
You’ve probably never heard this before, but historically most Detroit City Councilmembers live in northwest Detroit. Who would have figured that people with middle-class incomes would live in the city’s middle-class neighborhoods? Crazy. Still, someone should do something about that. If only there was some way to, I don’t know, create a more proportional system of electing Council? Maybe some kind of Council By…let me finish…Districts? Oh wait, that passed last year. By a 3-to-1 margin. When Rochelle Riley didn’t think it was a good idea. (Freep)

Dumbing down “mastermind”
Criminal supergenius Loren Wheeler devised a clever plot to kill his ex-wife. Except he was caught. And pled no contest. Then he said (in Monica Conyers-esque fashion) he didn’t understand the plea bargain he agreed to. So Wheeler is hoping for a do-over. A regular Bond villain, this one. The Bay City Times calls Wheeler a “mastermind.” Excuse me if this sounds like a Sports Reporters-Lupica-Albom-Chicken-Little rant, but what happened to standards in this country? When did every jilted loser with homicidal intentions become a criminal mastermind? Have some standards, people. (MLive)

Mitch Albom is very concerned about Antonio Cromartie’s children
Cromartie has eight kids by six women, and one time he had trouble naming all of them. Mitch does not care for this situation. Because of morals Mitch learned from Morrie. Then again, unlike most serial procreators, Cromartie can afford his flock. It’s not like he’s a 17-year-old high school dropout with no marketable skills. How would that person get by as an unwed parent? Other than going on Dancing With The Stars. Mitch won’t write a Bristol Palin column for a few more years. Because, seriously, the rest of the world stopped caring about over-breeding professional athletes around 1998. (Freep)

Categories : State of the State

11 Comments

1
Downriver's Friend
August 30th, 2010 at 8:24 am

Mitch also wrote a column about Rich Rodriguez. “In his own words”. By which we mean in Mitch’s words, wrapped iniside quotation marks, attributed to RichRod. Not at all fabricated in any way.

If this were Mars, Rochelle Riley would be the Olympus Mons of stupid.

2

Can I swap the triple threat for a pair of brisket enchiladas? If I bring a gay politician or Anthony Bordain can I skip the next drink?

3

I think I’m the only person I ever met who doesn’t like the council by districts idea. Right now I get to vote for all 9 council members. I live on the southwest side, but it doesn’t really bother me that none of the winners live close by. I don’t even think I voted for anyone who lives on the southwest side.

(For anyone who’s interested, you can see the home addresses of all the candidates in the city council primary election here: http://www.detroitmi.gov/Portals/0/docs/elections/pdfs/Certified%20Candidates.pdf )

When we do switch to districts, how will my voice be heard “more” by only allowing me to vote for two at-large council members and my one local district representative? Think of all the people on the east and southwest sides who we didn’t vote into office last year–we didn’t vote for them because we didn’t feel they were as good as the people we did vote for. With districts, each voter will be stuck with a more narrow field of candidates that is lacking in talent as it is.

4
Oh George, not the livestock.
August 30th, 2010 at 10:59 am

This is yet another case where people sit around waiting for a change in the system, when they could get what they want through the current system if they got off their asses and tried.

If a good candidate from Southwest Detroit ran a reasonably well organized get-out-the-vote effort, they would place in the top nine of the at large election.

5

Well, the idea would be that each council member’s staff would then draw from the neighborhood, and the local area’s issues would receive more prominence and attention at the council level.

Take a bike ride thru the tonier homes of North Rosedale Park someday. You’ll see police officers walking the beat through a residential neighborhood. Kids playing Soccer. It is really unbelievable. this may have changed in the last 6 months, but when half the council lived there, it was amazing.

While SW Detroit is not directly represented, Paul, according to your blog you live in Corktown, which is not far from the residences of one Ken Cockrel or one Charles Pugh. Heck you probably live *east* of KC.

If you wanted a SW Detroit rep you should have campaigned harder for Otis Mathis!

6

I’m not sure Council By Districts will create the kind of hyper-local aldermen system you see in a place like Chicago, but it eliminate the pick 9 from 200 Council ballot. I don’t doubt you’ll see 20-25 names on the primary ballot for Council, but 15 vanity candidates are easier to sort through than 150. And one-on-one general election races should shift the focus on issues and candidate record instead of name recognition.

Ultimately though, as everyone learned in 2009, if you want a competent, adult City Council then vote for competent, adult City Councilpersons.

7

grandcircus, I do live less than 2 miles from KC (I live at Wabash and Bagley). I imagine he would run as an at-large candidate, but who knows?

I think the primary candidate from last year who lived closest to me was Joe Holt. Since he got fewer than 100 votes in that election, I can at least be relieved I wouldn’t be stuck with that … dangerously unerqualified individual as my rep. And hopefully Otis Mathis will be locked up in November of 2013.

8

Of course, in SW Detroit, Matty could bankroll a candidate….

9

Grand Circus:
“Take a bike ride thru the tonier homes of North Rosedale Park someday. You’ll see police officers walking the beat through a residential neighborhood. Kids playing Soccer. It is really unbelievable. this may have changed in the last 6 months, but when half the council lived there, it was amazing.”

I grew up in North Rosedale, on one of the tonier streets (lah de fricking dah) and the only time I saw cops walking the beat was when they were required to live in the city and thus North Rosedale was thick with them. My parents still live there, and the longtime complaint of the community has been that having a large contingent of the council there doesn’t really do a whole lot of good. We get better police response here, where no council members live (guess who lived close? MONCON!! Whoooo!) That soccer league isn’t a city thing, it was started by the community.

That said, I voted against council by districts that last time we had a charter commission because of my North Rosedale interests. Now, I think it’s a fabulous idea — I think people who would be good council members get lost in the sea of 200-plus candidates. My concern is, who would run in the areas of the city where almost no one lives?

10

One would imagine the district lines will be drawn by population, and not acreage.

Amy, I saw what I saw. That’s all I can say. Seriously, I almost crapped my pants when I saw the cops ON FOOT ON A RESIDENTIAL STREET. I went to talk to them and they said this is what they do. I went back 5 days later, same deal.

11

grandcircus, that’s good to know. I really love that neighborhood and it’s clearly been hit hard by foreclosures, so it’s reassuring to know there’s still police protection and so on.

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