Sep
02

Protecting the precious jewels: a very Dyspathy buying guide

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By now you’ve heard about the theft of the mayoral vehicle’s wheels. No doubt taken by the same suburbian interests who stole Cobo Hall and DPS. Seriously what the hell people? Who steals Dave Bing’s rims? He seems like a factory-issue wheel kind of guy.

Whatever, we can never allow this to happen again. As Mayor Bing himself recently explained, it’s up to citizens to stop crime because God knows the DPD can’t. Dyspathy is here to help. This humble blog will draw a line in the sand, and say no more. To ensure Mayoral rims will never go gently into that good night (or the gray-market aftermarket supply chain, as it were) we searched The Amazon (Internet Wal-Mart) to create this handy wheel lock buying guide:

Gorilla Automotive 61631 Acorn Guard Locks – $18.41 (eligible for free shipping on orders of $25 or more)

The Gorilla 61631 locks are Amazon’s best-selling wheel locks. Based on 9 customer reviews, the 61631s have an average rating of 4 ½ stars. Out of a possible 5. Be warned: while these are solid wheel locks, Zackley616 “Byran” notes they “stick out about an inch further than the OEM locks which sat flush to the rim.” Still, he’s “very pleased” with his Gorilla 61631 wheel locks.

McGard 24193 Chrome Cone Seat Wheel Locks – $19.95 (eligible for free shipping on orders of $25 or more)

McGard makes a lot of wheel locks, so if the 24193 isn’t right for the Mayoral vehicle, they probably make something that’ll work. And, who wouldn’t want cone seating on their wheel locks? No idea what it means, but it sure sounds good. Only one customer reviewed these locks, but Vaughn Speavey of San Diego, CA says the 24193 is “a great product at a great price” He does warn against losing the key because replacements “can be expensive.” Good to know.

McGard 27178 Chrome/Black Bolt Style Cone Seat Wheel Locks – $38.99 (eligible for free shipping on orders of $25 or more)

Earlier we accused Mayor Bing of being a factory-issue wheel guy. When you assume you make an ass out of you and me. So if Bing prefers something a little more stylish, like those kick-ass black rims the kids are into, the McGard Black Bolt Style may be the best choice. Ricardo of New York City (no doubt a legitimate businessman in a legitimate business like trucking, sanitation, or concrete) paid “a measly $40” to buy 27178s for his son’s fancy BMW. Ricardo’s “seen several brands of wheel locks and these seem to be of a higher quality than most others.” There you go.

Categories : Big Important News

5 Comments

1

I’m sure this fine info will help the mayor. I still want to know why the fool vehicle was parked where it was!

2

I just really want to make a LIVING IN THE V joke.

3

Better yet, chain up the rims with 4 of these: http://www.martygaal.com/blog/uploaded_images/rottweiler-743161.jpg

(Mayor Bing owns a Godzilla? Very nice, Mr Mayor, very nice…)

4

Add to this the fact that the Reverend Jackson apparently had his rims stolen while in town too.

Honestly. Who steals Jesse Jackson’s rims?

5

/\ Jesse Jackson Jr?

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