Sep
15

Old People Yell at Old Guy in a Church, Otis Mathis isn’t moving to Delaware anytime soon, and Calvin Peeing on Canadian Socialist Pornographers

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Today’s guest State of the State comes from long-time commenter “grandcircus.” I assume he wrote it under the watchful eye of Hazen Pingree, who approves of Bob Ufer references. Because Ufer once sold him life insurance. – WF

The Olds Have Spoken
Horse Cops were required to keep old people angry about vegetables growing in their neighborhoods at bay while the geriatric mayor announced his plan to form some committees to plan to implement a plan of implementation.  “I’m 83 years old. I want to know what you’re going to do in a year or two,” Janice Mayes shouted during one of the focus groups. “God knows I’m not going to be alive to see no 20 years.”  Neither is the mayor, Janice. (Freep) (Detnews)

Oh, what a Lovely Tea Party!
Even Karl Rove thinks Christine O’Donnell is too crazy for the wacky Republican big tent.  And that dude went to the mat for a lot of folks.  Getting elected Senator is generally considered to be a pretty big deal; what with only two per state and all.  This outspoken opponent of masturbation has accused her opponent of being ‘fruity’ as well as defaulted on her mortgage.  It goes without saying she’s endorsed by Sarah Palin.  The Republicans are pretty much blowing their big comeback here.  Wait, can I say blowing?  What about comeback?  (Swampland)

Mike Bouchard to musicians:  “Papers, Please?”
Calvin College recently booked a rock show with Canadian power pop super group “The New Pornographers,” who are touring in support of their latest album, “Together.”  Apparently, the up and coming new urban hotness on our state’s west side is still populated largely by Ned Flanders clones because people have a problem with this.  Not with the band, their music, or their content.  Just the name.  We know what the real deal here is folks:  Canadian Socialist Pornographers are going to brainwash our children out of the family Amway business and into secret Muslin Obamacare via their off-key caterwauling.  That must be it.  Oddly, Calvin allowed the very Canadian Barenaked Ladies to play a few years back.  Money quote:  “Calvin College remains committed to the difficult, yet important work at faithfully engaging popular culture.”  Hey, so does Dyspathy!  (MLive) (Toronto Star)

Old guy in Section 3 not sure how he feels about Demetrius Brown
So there’s this new kid playing quarterback in Ann Arbor and he’s pretty good.  The Bob Ufer/Bo Crew aren’t too sure what to think just yet, but he sure showed them Irish who was boss so that’s a positive.  The guys on the golf course told me he doesn’t tie his shoes!  Michigan QB Denard Robinson is doing his best to relate to his aging fan base in the Big House by not following those new fangled Internets and not getting the Cable…not even PASS!  He may not be Rick Leach, but he could be the next John Wangler!  All we need is an Ali Haji Shiek clone!  23 Skidoo!  (The Onion) (Detnews)

Categories : State of the State

7 Comments

1

Too bad those death panels weren’t real.

2

Hazen Pingree Jr. was one hell of a Wolverine

3

actually, it was Stevens Thomson Mason who was a dandy original Wolverine. Embrace public virtue!

4

The picture reminds me why I stopped going home for the holidays several decades ago.

5

Okay, GC, I am likin your guest blogging, too. Just when I thought I was going to have to endure WF withdrawals again, y’all saved my ass! I am not worthy! Thank you!

6

God knows Dyspathy and its loyal band of commenters will not abide any candidate that opposes masturbation. This shall not stand.

7

I knew Amy wouldn’t let a masturbation reference go without commenting.

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