Sep
16

If the glove fits you must convict, let’s drink Frank Beckmann’s tears like lemonade, and Downriver is like Jersey without that smell…wait there it is

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Today’s guest blogger, long-time Dyspathy stalwart Downriver’s Friend, literally swam up the Rouge River to deliver this State of the State – WF

It all fits like a…well, you know
When Bobby Ferguson wasn’t out screwing the taxpayers of Detroit, he was in his office screwing… apparently anyone who walked in. Among the items FBI agents seized when they raided Bobby’s place of business on Wyoming were condoms. And a black glove. And close to a million dollars in cash. Obviously to pay for Kwame’s restitution. Or a flight to Rio. Either way, Bobby could use the rubbers in prison. Up till now, nobody’s never given him anything. Here’s hoping some fellow inmate gives him an ass-panda. Also syphilis. (Freep)

Mean socialist Moslem Obama bans oil donations
Poor Enbridge. After all their generous petroleum contributions to the U-S environment, that big bully, Barry Sorento, says they can’t give any more oil to any more rivers because it’s not good for the water. Or any carbon-based life forms living in it. Or near it. This will certainly make dull broadcaster Frank Beckmann sad. What will happen to all those jobs Enbridge created by hiring people to capture all that precious fluid? Frank’s plan for Michigan–brown jobs. For white people. (DetNews)

Reinforcing negative stereotypes, Downriver style.
Wayne County Prosecutor Kym Worthy apparently didn’t get the memo about Michigan’s lucrative film incentives. She recently filed charges against three men accused of torturing a fourth man in the basement of an all-nude strip club in Lincoln Park named–wait for it–“Bada Bing!” “This is not a Hollywood movie,” declared Worthy. Maybe, but these Paulie Walnuts wannabes came pretty close. The only things missing from this script were cameras and anyone with an Italian surname. (News-Herald)

Lions party like it’s 1979, coach says something sensible.
With Matthew Stafford hurt and a career backup quarterback haplessly filling in for him, the 2010 campaign is starting to look like as comically awful as Rob Schneider’s film career. “The Lions lost to derp de tittley tum ta too on Sunday.” Meanwhile, head coach Jim Schwartz declined to join the rabble (including yours truly) who criticized the officials for robbing Calvin Johnson of a touchdown against the Bears. You have to forgive Jim, he’s still new to Michigan, and hasn’t yet embraced our tendency to react angrily to any slight, real or perceived. Don’t worry, if he stays with the Lions long enough, he’ll come around. And if not, the Lions could always hire angry mayor Virg Bernero. I hear he’ll be available in November. (Freep)

Categories : State of the State

6 Comments

1

I’m a white person who used to have a brown job.

2

It’s not spelled Moslem. It’s MUSLIN.

3

Muslin? The loosely-woven cotton fabric?

4

Bring out the gimp.

The gimp’s sleeping.

Well the I guess you’ll have to wake him up, won’t you?

5

I am a brown job who used to have a white person :(

6

Bobbie Ferguson – Kwame’s Luca Brasi.

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