Sep
29

Everyone is even more poors, Rick Snyder is just showing off, and the Dyspathy anger bear roars at David Byrne

By

Your decennial Census cockpunch
Some exciting news from our friends at the U.S. Census Bureau…everything is just awful. Not only are we poorer, we are twice as poorer as the rest of the country. People in Sterling Heights are especially poors. Won’t somebody think of the Applebees? There are also a lot more black people in Macomb County. That is to say, St. Clair County can expect a huge influx of bitter, old white people by the 2020 Census. On the plus side, while Detroit probably lost hundreds of thousands of residents, it made Stuff White People Like. (DetNews, Freep)

City business is only conducted every other Monday
Council is backing Dave Bing’s plan to bring the hammer down on city unions with a forced 10% pay cut. Detroit’s public employees will get days off without pay every other Monday. Which is when all city business is conducted, according to AFSCME negotiator Catherine Phillips. Doesn’t Bing and Council know that Detroit is a finely tuned machine? If you mess with the system this delicately balanced, pretty soon the streetlights won’t work, rape kits won’t be processed, and someone will forget to pay the Fire Department’s utility bills. Oh wait. (Freep)

Rick Snyder is your new German tourist
You know those pasty, out-of-place-looking folks in uncomfortably tight jeans that are always hanging around? They’re usually Germans. Yesterday, “they” were (was?) famous nerd Rick “Michigan” Snyder. Instead of uncomfortably tight jeans, he was probably wearing Dockers. Snyder spoke to The People at the New Starlight Baptist Church in Detroit because, well, because that’s how easily he’s winning. The guy can afford to campaign in Detroit as a Republican. And Mark Gaffney wept. (DetNews)

Detroit 1-8-7 just isn’t very good so far
The James McDaniel Rule (which I just made up) states that if James McDaniel is on a cop show it will either be an era-defining program (NYPD Blue) or awful in every way (Cop Rock). Detroit 1-8-7 is looking Cop Rock-ish. All those cool Detroit shots don’t make up for terrible plots. Southeast Michigan University? Seriously Detroit 1-8-7, if you want to invent a fake university at least give it a cool name. Like Hudson University. Where 17,000 people were murdered and/or raped during Law and Order’s 20-year run. (MLive)

Once in a lifetime in Detroit
David Byrne is in town for a movie. And he cares! About Detroit! Isn’t it amazing how you can see right through the old train station? Well, it would be amazing if you were 15 and baked off your gourd. To the rest of the world it’s just dysfunction. Dave, if you were to have found yourself (circa 1967) in a beautiful house (with your beautiful wife) in Indian Village, you wouldn’t move to Dearborn after the riot. You just wouldn’t. Also, what’s this shit about Detroit’s precious jewel big sky? This is supposed to be a big city, not a Norman Maclean novella. Detroitism…same as it ever was. (davidbyrne.com)

Categories : State of the State

11 Comments

1

Yow, Byrne really bikes over the edge in his installment of Ruin Porn, Celebrity Chapter.

I’ll be (overly?) charitable and assume good intent, pure heart . . . but he sure seems like a mighty naive 58-year-old. “Pity the poor mail carriers, who often only have one or two houses per block.” Huh? They’re not walking or on a bicycle, Dave. Do you pity the poor rural delivery carriers who have one or two houses per mile . . . along sometimes-unpaved roads?

And what’s with this: “We biked on [past Indianj Village]. Almost all the folks on the streets were black, and most seemed to be wandering, alone, stunned.”

Anyone else think he mistyped ‘stoned’?

Stick to songwriting, sir.

2

I don’t know what those bears are doing in that photo, but I bet Supergay can explain it.

3

Here comes the neighborhood

4

Now taking bets on who the next celebrity to fly into Detroit, make some sort of sympathetic noise, and take off will be. Following the pattern of Knoxville to Byrne, I’m looking at something along the lines of Tom Green.

5

Pat Sajak.

6

Whatever happened to Rosie O’Donnell? Remember when she was here to make some made-for-TV Blind Side-lite movie and she twatted about everyone needs to save Detroit? Way to follow through, lady.

7

Dunno which is worse, the hit-and-run celebs who come here for the cheap/easy quote, or the home-growns who bolt for the coast the minute they ‘make it’.

8

At least Byrne isn’t using us to make money/sell boots.

9

The Stars these days love to bask in the Motor City’s angst – hoping that some rubs off giving them some sort off vicarious street cred. I say go for it! It’s better to be looked over than overlooked.

10

I hate to confess to this, maybe I’m not as cynical and jaded as I hoped, but I kind of, sort of, liked the Byrne piece, especially the conclusion. He seemed both sympathetic and honest.

11

agree with woodwest. there have been a lot of bad, and at best, redundant pieces written about detroit lately, but this isn’t one of them. first off. the guy was here for actual work (cast and music for the sean penn film), observations and touring detroit was probably not his main priority, unlike that overpriced boot company. secondly, what’s the official soak time in the city someone needs to have to not be labeled a ‘celebrity/tourist/drive-by gawker’? I’ve lived here 12 years, and don’t know if that’d be enough for some of you indignant mofos. the guy’s assesment was honest and in depth, i don’t nessesarily agree with all of his conclusions, but recognize it as something more than baseless “ruin porn”. bottm line, this place is extremely fucked up compared to most places and i think you’re going to be hard pressed to stiffle comment to that effect from people visiting from ‘most places’, celebrity or not. some of the hand-wringing above is more befitting that “art project” (i read the first comment over there in fact).