Oct
01

Like all Spartans they were inspected, Andrew Shirvell looks like Buster Bluth, and Jesse Jackson’s meaningless gesture

By

Ingham County Prosecutor’s election must be on the horizon
A couple Michigan State basketball players allegedly got a little rapey. At least that’s what the campus police thought. The prosecutor, on the other hand, hates to rush to judgement. Before all the facts are in. Besides, the alleged players are sorry. You know, for this unfortunate misunderstanding. Not only to the alleged victim, but more importantly to their teammates. Who they’ve really let down. These guys understand they need to behave in a way that’s more in line with Spartan values. Hopefully, with the help of Jesus, they will rise above this incident. Like Ben Roethlisberger. (Michigan Messenger)

Worst. Film studio. Ever.
Allen Park residents fondly recall the golden age of metro Detroit cinema. When colorful producers like Jimmy Lifton unveiled glamorous plans for a massive studio development. Oh, they had stars back then! All of Allen Park was crazy about being in the pictures. That was a long time ago. Eighteen months later, Unity Studios never really got off the ground and they’re moving their operation to Tech Town. Which is like making movies in Vancouver instead of Hollywood. Where’s the glamour in that? (News-Herald)

Andrew Shirvell denied unalienable right to be a dickbag on the diag
The radical homosexual Nazis at the University of Michigan barred heroic closet case Andrew Shirvell from campus. But that restraining order means nothing. It was the administration’s idea. Chris Anderson and Andrew Shirvell were meant to be together. Shirvell loves him in ways you couldn’t understand. Someday, you’ll see. You’ll all see. And on that day, Shirvell will make you pay for trying to get between him and the love of his life. (Freep)

Granholm frets about angering the Women’s Christian Temperance Union
The legislature passed a law allowing for the sale of the devil’s liquor before noon on the Lord’s Day. Sunday mornings should be set aside for church and public affairs roundtable programs. As our founding fathers intended. Thankfully, Governor Granholm is wisely taking a firm non-position on this matter for as long as possible. Can you imagine what would happen if this measure becomes law? Men too busy drinking to soberly watch Off the Record with Tim Skubick. Won’t somebody think of the children? (DetNews)

Jesse Jackson is about 30 years too late
Detroit’s middle class is under attack. Both of them. But don’t worry because Jesse Jackson is here to fight. For the people of Detroit. Against abstract notions of injustice. Which is ground zero of…oh hell insert your own cliché here. I’ve wasted enough time on this irrelevant old man. (Freep)

Categories : State of the State

20 Comments

1

I can think of nothing better than watching Tim Skubick while downing a cold one!

2

Adrew Shirvell would like to go down on a hot one while watching Skubick….

3

Hey Shrivell up and die and Tiny, what’s next for you now? Are you going to use taxpayer dollars to fight the evil secular university’s thwarting of Mandrew’s constitutional right to stalk and slander Mr. Armstrong?

I prefer a nice chardonnay while watching the Skubster–just give me a nice long straw for my bottle and my funyuns and I am there!

What’s wrong Mr. Jackson, did Chicago kick you out?

4

ewwwww Ansel, that’s a vision I just didn’t need in my head today!

5

now it’s being reported that the MF is on a “leave of absense” perhaps to take his stalking full time?

6

“MF” = “Michigan’s Friend?”

Sad day indeed….

8

That’s the hand of the man holding down another one of the young geniuses from Right Michigan. Alex P Keaton was just a TV character, people.

9
HistoricIndianVillage
October 1st, 2010 at 12:16 pm

Re: Unity and Jimmy Lifton – it’ll be Frank Taylor part II, only the slick suit will be replaced with a bright, primary colored shirt and very wide suspenders and the personal guarantee (if any) may actually cover property worth something (in Bloomfield as opposed to in Harbortown, like Mr. Taylor).

10

Historic
Indian
Village,

Are your positive?

11
Eastside Complainer
October 1st, 2010 at 11:06 pm

I guess Basketball is a get out of Jail Free Card. What girl doesn’t like to be double-teamed and then back-doored by two young studs these days? I’m sure she was asking for it. That’s why no one was charged. Because its not like someone confes…. wait a sec.

12

EC is right, I read the police report. And the prosecutor’s office found no evidence of a crime? WTF? Did they go to the Andrew Shirvell aka Ave Maria School of Law? She must of been a bi-democrat freak so she deserved it, as Tiny and Mandrew would say.

The world has lost its mind!

13
Eastside Complainer
October 2nd, 2010 at 5:18 am

Actually Julie,

I believe she’s a radical feminist and couldn’t control herself as she corrupted these fine two gentlemen into self-loathing sex acts.

As a bi-radical democratic freak, she got what she expected when she went back to their rooms because a real self respecting woman would only go to their room first after they introduce themselves to her father and ask for her hand in marriage.

And she’s going to burn in hell as she-devil, so of course these teammates in crime deserve to continue “being seduced” by women at MSU.

14

EC, your incite is so, well, inciteful. She should be forced to wear the letter “A” on all of her clothing.

15
Eastside Complainer
October 2nd, 2010 at 1:00 pm

Letter A? I was thinking Letter W.

16

Michigan State basketball players just want their country back from the radical Feminist Homosexual Muslim Nazi Socialists. Really, they deserve medals as freedom fighters.

17

Why not the letter “H”, EC?

18
Eastside Complainer
October 2nd, 2010 at 10:44 pm

Why not? lol. We could also do M for MSU basketball property.

19

Oh my word, I should be laughing at this, your comments are all very funny and I am normally not a pearl-clutching humorless scold, but I just can’t. Best defense against a rape charge? Being an athlete. And if this is how they treat a woman who reports it, these guys will get a get out of jail free card forever because the next woman who gets brutalized by the third-string benchwarmer who wears a jersey is not going to bother.

20
HistoricIndianVillage
October 4th, 2010 at 4:15 pm

@ Woodward’s Friend – 100% “positive” re: the HIV. I think the term originated from the pre-HIV as a deadly virus days of the 60’s. I get a charge outta the fact it’s still used.