Jul
19

DYSPATHY LIFTS DETROIT IN SELF-SATISFIED MORTGAGE ORIGINATORS WEARING T-SHIRTS

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Loyal reader “IngeLvr69″ sent us this fantastic camera phone picture of the really fun Quicken outing to Campus Martius last Friday. A good portion of the group was wearing deTROIT 2.0 t-shirts. The lady in the red pants is smoking a cigarette. This deTROIT 2.0 will be like Paris mixed with Silicone Valley only with more hot women and beer. Also a Cheli’s Chili!

Let’s recap this deTROIT 2.0. In late 2007 Dan Gilbert, George Jackson, and convicted felon Kwame Kilpatrick got together to announce this amazing new initiative. Jennifer Granholm even did one of her trademark cheers that will totally get the Michigan Government Spirit Squad to the regionals this year. Everyone was just so thrilled because the plan was as awesome as your wife inviting her hot friend over for a threesome on your birthday.

The original deTROIT 2.0 plan involved Quicken building a giant new headquarters on the former site of either the Statler Hotel or Hudsons. Quicken might even build on both properties since they were also going to bring all of these other companies with them. And then they might even renovate the Lafayette Building since Quicken employees love downtown so much, they’ll need somewhere to live in cool loft condos! Keep in mind that none of this included the ultra-modern Cadillac Centre development which is also awesome in every way. Except the way that includes building it for reals. Details.

Well, here we are in 2009 and deTROIT 2.0 now means 1700 mortgage salesmen will move from existing office space in Livonia to existing office space in Detroit. Also white guys in t-shirts. And it’s all subsidized by state taxpayers! As the poet Robert Burns foretold: The best laid schemes of mice and men/Go often askew,/And leaves us nothing but grief and pain,/For promised joy!

1 Comments

1

Man, fuck Quicken.

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