SCHOOL BOARD ELECTION IS POINTLESS, CITY COUNCIL TO KEEP THE FUN STUFF TO THEMSELVES, AND CLASS WARFARE JUST BARELY AVOIDED IN GRAND RAPIDSBy
Repairing School Board as likely as repairing that Ford run over by a train
Too soon? Whatever. Stephen Henderson’s Sunday column was spot-on. The Detroit School Board is giant clump of stupid that cannot be salvaged. It’s a perfect example of the excesses of unfettered democracy not unlike Robespierre’s Committee of Public Safety. We might as well write-in Mickey Mouse, Jimmy Hoffa, or the Lizard People rather than supporting any of the losers who want to pretend to run the schools. In other words, just think of the School Board races like your high school’s student council election. The results don’t matter and everyone running is a dick. Write-in the burn-out selling pot in the alley behind the gym. At least that will piss off the vice-principal Agnes Hitchcock. (Freep)
City Council won’t let us hear the good parts
They’re meeting behind closed doors to talk about convicted felon Kwame Kilpatrick’s hot personal (though not necessarily sexual) relationship with police monitor Sheryl Robinson Wood. See last week, at pretty much the exact second a judge said more text messages will be released, Wood was fired as police monitor because she disclosed her steamy inappropriate relationship with the former mayor. Council’s meeting today will probably get into all the fun details and feel like a dramatic reading of a Mexican soap opera script. The People, however, will not be invited. Council will save Cobo’s debt for The People but won’t share dirty details? This is why The People prefer TMZ to politics. (DetNews)
We’ll balance the budget on the backs of pre-schoolers
The MEA and their Lansing bureau, known as the Granholm-Cherry Administration, huffily dismisses noted John Birch Society leader Andy Dillon’s public benefits reform plan as “balancing the budget on the backs of government workers.” Doing that would be bad and awful. Balancing the budget on the backs of pre-schoolers? Well that’s just super-duper. The Republicans are totally gay with that too because tax hikes are far worse than a Michigan without paved roads or effective and relatively inexpensive pre-school programs. The first 150 crackheads in Herman Gardens could run government far better than these morons in Lansing. (DetNews)
Industrial Workers of the World are really close to proletarian revolution
Oh hey speaking of antiquated and ineffective union movements, the Industrial Workers of the World led an insurrection against the capitalist class outside a Grand Rapids Starbucks. It was the 90 Minutes That Shook West Michigan. A more serious blog might wonder why organizing a large workforce such as Starbucks is left to an irrelevant historic artifact like the IWW. But we aren’t a serious blog so rather than wondering where the real unions are, we’ll just make fun of the Wobblies for thinking Stalin had some good ideas. He just went too far sometimes. Hey hippie, the 20th century ended years ago. Your shtick isn’t helping. (MLive)
SERENITY NOW! SERENITY NOW!
Living in Michigan is stressful, like selling computers for Frank Costanza. You’re stuck in a dumpy garage, barely meeting your sales quota, and Lloyd Braun is always ahead of you on the big board so you won’t even win the water pik. Pretty soon you start selling to yourself just to beat Braun and get your mother off your back. Of course, that’ll bite you in the ass before it’s all over. And just to make it worse Jerry Stiller (or Jennifer Granholm) is all the time shouting SERENITY NOW! It’s a wonder why we all haven’t hung ourselves in the shower. Somehow this is still better than living in California. (MLive)
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