Aug
14

DETROIT SCHOOL BOARD IS TOM CRUISE CRAZY, JENNIFER GRANHOLM IS RIDING OUT THE CLOCK, AND MEIJER COMES TO DETROIT

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Pretend school board hires pretend superintendent
See the little kid with the weird skin condition giving the middle finger? That’s for the Detroit School Board. They’re like a retarded (literally in Reverend David Murray’s case) version of an ousted Latin American dictator. The exiled strongman and his cronies dress up in their military uniforms, address each other by their former titles, and generally like to pretend they’re still running their little banana republic. The school board is basically doing the same thing. They named Teresa Gueyser as the DPS superintendent which is a little like being overlord of the Galactic Confederacy. It’s a pretend job made up by crazy people. The seven most important words for Xenu Ms. Gueyser to remember are as follows: Yes, Mr. Robb. Right away, Mr. Bobb. (Freep)

Didn’t they try this already and it didn’t work
Remember four years ago when Detroit voters had a choice between an independent DPS run by the school board and a DPS run by a mayoral appointee? The voters chose the former which was awful because Detroit’s elected school board (see above) is a collection of braying idiots. Except the other idea was probably awful too considering that (save for the year David Adamany was in charge) the school system was a cesspool of corruption and stupid during the mayoral-controlled “reform” process. Consider the 96-yard football field at the new Cass Tech. Hey you know what would be a good idea? Mayoral control of the schools! Just like the voters already rejected and didn’t really work the first time. It’ll be different now according to some state legislator and Rochelle Riley. New ideas are not exactly Michigan’s strong suit. (Freep, more Freep)

Jennifer Granholm has absolutely no idea what the hell she’s doing

When we look back at Jennifer Granholm’s legacy, the crown jewel of her second term can only be the film tax credit. However dubious the economic benefits of said credit, it’s pretty much the only thing Granholm has accomplished since her landslide re-election in 2006. And look who wants to end the film tax credit? Jennifer Granholm! She’s also recycling some moderately not-bad, but previously failed, ideas like a tax on entertainment tickets to balance the budget. Poor gal, she just doesn’t care anymore. In high school this sort of behavior was diagnosed as senioritis. Jen is just trying to mail it in until her term ends. Then she can move to state not quite this awful. (Crains)

Meijer to save Detroit with discount housewares, tires, and fresh meats

If you’ve ever been in a Meijer at noon on Saturday then you know just how repulsive the species known as homo americanus can be. The prospect of purchasing almost anything you possibly need in one place brings out the worst in humanity. Cottage cheese thighs spilling out of spandex shorts, back hair partially covered by tank tops, and parking lots full of pick-up trucks with little decals of Calvin peeing on things. It’s the kind of stuff that makes one think that al-Qaeda sort of has a point. And it’s all coming to Detroit! Meijer is opening a store at this Gateway (to nowhere) development on Woodward and Eight Mile. Hopefully they’ll have early morning hours so normal people can avoid hoi polloi and still purchase socks and lettuce at the same time. (DetNews)

Expert: Team Kilpatrick attorney was an asshole
Some law school professor testified at a disciplinary hearing that Sam McCargo is an unethical jerk for putting together the deal to hide text messages revealing convicted felon Kwame Kilpatrick’s love for R. Kelly music in exchange for huge settlements paid by Detroit taxpayers. It’s too bad that the American system of jurisprudence doesn’t allow someone to stand up and say: “Your Honor, I move that this witness’ entire testimony be stricken from the record as his insights are painfully obvious to anyone not living like the Unabomber for the last five years.” The judge will agree and sentence McCargo to eat a bag of dirty dicks for being a third-rate shyster. The end. (DetNews)

Categories : State of the State

12 Comments

1

You can’t blame Kwame for being down with RKells. Everyone was at the time.

Say what you want about Meijer, but step into a Wal*Mart someday and all of a sudden the Thrify Acres is a Grosse Pointe Boutique.

2

I love how Meijer insisted on uniformed security guards, closed circuit cameras, and emergency phones as part of the agreement to build, though I’m disappointed they didn’t also ask for a moat, vats of boiling oil, all the barbed wire the developers could scrape up, and a taser gun for every employee too. Nothing says we want to come to your community like preparing to fortify your store as though it were Fort Discount.

3

Ehh, they have all that stuff out at the Meijer in Belleville as well. It isn’t a Detroit thing.

4

And also, Detroiters steal if they can. They just do.

5

The Motor City Smackdown – Heavyweight Division – Anthony Adams v. Big Bbob Bobbb. Anthony “the Insider” Adams slaps Bobb, the Oakland Mauler, Bbobbb across his rugged jaw with a lightweight Gueyser. BBbobb is not amused.

Read the story here.

Coming soon to a courthouse near you!

6

@grandcircus: They have that stuff at all the Meijer stores I’ve been to. Guess this just irritated me because I don’t remember reading or hearing news reports about all the security amenities built into other similar developments at the merchant’s insistence north of 8 Mile. This just felt like it was playing into the insecurities of nearby suburban residents who swear they’ll never come into Detroit. (See? We’ll make sure you aren’t maimed or killed while you buy your 10 for $10 – or buy your 10 for $10 if you dare because Detroit is so deadly we have to insist on extra security!) Maybe I’m being overly sensitive here, but that line in the report really ticked me off.

7

Everyone should ask their friends in Ferndale if they’ll shop at the local Meijer or drive up to 14 mile.

8

@Tracy, I understand what you’re saying. It’s not like there’s a line that says “the store will include electricity and plumbing!”…although maybe that would be news around here too anyway.

9

I’ll be surprised is suburbanites frequent this store. The rationale seems similar to George Bush’s Iraq policy: If we fight them there, we don’t have to fight them here.

10

Eh, I live in Hazel Park and drive by that proposed site every day. I’d shop there.

11
Sean of Shopper's World
August 20th, 2009 at 3:18 am

Sometimes I’ll go to a Meijer’s and remind myself that I hate it. What they need to do is bring back Shopper’s World. They were awesome, and their security was a 400lb dude sitting on a tool at the door. They had pretty much the same guy at every exit at every store. I pity what’s left of anybody who tried to steal shit from there.

I bought a pack of tube socks there, something stupid cheap like two bucks, but when I got them home I found they were kind of short and I figured I got ripped off, you know, went for something cheap and “got what I paid for”, but I’ll be damned if those socks haven’t lasted about eight or ten years and they still look alright. I’ve gone through all sorts of Haines and whatever other crap but those Shoppers World socks will not give up.

I’m telling you, Shopper’s World.

12

About that whole “Granholm’s not doing all that grand-holm” thing, I’ve got one thing to add, albeit one most people probably aren’t aware of: I respect Jen because she is letting criminals (dangerous ones, the TV tells me) out into the neighborhoods where you and I live. Sarcasm is hard to pick up on, on this whole interweb, so I’ll just come clean.

I spent the past year doing prisoner’s rights work in Michigan, and while Michigan’s prison population is still one of the largest in the country, and conditions at many of the states prisons (esp. those in the UP) are pretty dire, Governor Granholm has taken about as many steps as she could to remedy this particular part of Michigan’s overall mess.

Since January of this year, Granholm has signed orders that vastly increase the size of the parole board (now the parole and commutations board), and has lead a charge to restructure many of the state’s prisons (including Ryan and Mound in Detroit) into facilities specially designed to deliver specific release-based programing. The inmates being released are all far past their Earliest Release Dates meaning they’ve all served the amount mandated by law for their crimes, so you don’t have to worry about blood thirsty murders moving next door (well, you might, but not because of this). This is only one example of Granholm trying to shrink Michigan’s prison system, which is not only a good idea from a human rights perspective, it’s a wonderful idea from a budget perspective.

In 2006 (the most recent year I could find in a quick search), the MDOC’s operating budget was 1.87 billion dollars. Billion. It is significantly cheaper to monitor a paroled prisoner and give them job and housing assistance than it is to keep them locked up. I haven’t even Mentioned the MPRI (Michigan Prisoner Re-entry Initiative), a one of a kind state-funded program created under Granholm tenure.

I’m not saying she’s a perfect governor, nor am I saying she’s accomplished as much in her second term as in her first, but I am saying she’s certainly done more (even recently) than people are giving her credit for.