Aug
18

DETROIT SCHOOL BOARD DOES ANOTHER DUMB THING, LIGHT RAIL IS FOR FUNCTIONAL CITIES, AND PEOPLE EATING TASTY ANIMALS

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Pretend school board sues their betters
The vile, corrupt slugs that sit on Detroit’s figurehead school board has a sad because Robert “Bob” Bobb is too busy to care what they think. So they’re suing him! Probably in the World Court of Justice or some other childlike fictional venue invented by the school board’s childlike minds. Considering that Bobb wouldn’t give them money to sue him (ha ha) the board’s lawyer is probably Reverend David Murray dumb. In the meantime, this outsider Bobb continues to waste “the community’s” money on things like summer school and auditing the mess left behind by the board. He’s behaving like a responsible public servant in charge of public education in Michigan’s largest city. What a huge dick. (Freep)

Not only broke, Detroit Public Schools are dens of unreported crime
Kym Worthy says crime is unreported because school officials were too concerned with protecting their reputations than, you know, ensuring their students have a safe place to learn. Worthy, one of the few class acts in charge of anything in this town, has some ideas to curb crime in the schools including a ban on cell phones. You know what would be fun? Convince suburban moms that a DPS cell phone ban is a pilot program and, if successful, it will become a statewide ban. They’ll be throwing grapes in Oakland County before you can say SUV with a third row of seating. What if terrorists or the blacks attacked Zachary and Madison at school? How can they call for help without cell phones? (DetNews)

Letting NAMBLA members on the force was a bad idea
You know how the city is all the time explaining why they don’t have money anything because they are an effectively bankrupt institution run by a cabal of criminals? Turns out the city does have $349,000 for people molested by these two cops who like to “give a little extra” during a pat down. You have to pay more for that at an oriental massage parlor. The best part? The victims didn’t even have to file lawsuits! The city just cold gave them the money. It’s almost like the law department just knew that DPD employed Gordon Jump’s bicycle shop character from Different Strokes. Naturally, the groping officers are still policemen. (Freep)

Light rail on Woodward Avenue…eventually…when we get to it
The big light rail project is pushed back until some undetermined time in 2010. There’s no money. No big deal because it’s not as if Detroit is a generation behind comparable cities when it comes to mass transit. Name another city that has a People Mover? With art. Next to the Sistine Chapel, few pieces of art are as breathtaking as the installation in the Bricktown People Mover station. Not impressed? Walk a two blocks and enjoy the Greektown People Mover station art. Detroit’s People Mover is so awesome that Fairlane Mall shut their lame one down because of embarrassment. Detroit better mass transit than a mall in Dearborn! Do you college graduates still want to move to Chicago now? (Crains)

Madison Heights is Michigan’s second worst school district
If Robert Bobb keeps kicking ass and taking names, Madison Heights might scrap the bottom in the near future. Let’s review: they fired their superintendent because he followed through on his plans to increase attendance by recruiting Detroit students, they have a huge budget deficit, and their school board is threatened with jail time. Hey, why can’t we put the Detroit school board in jail? Sure, Reverend David Murray’s lawyer could argue that Murray has the cognitive capacity of an eight-year-old but let’s cross that bridge when we get there. In the meantime, Madison Heights is awful. They’ve been unable to eliminate a $1,350,000 deficit in the fifteen years they’ve operated under a deficit elimination plan. That must have been one shitty plan. (Freep)

PETA reminds us to order fish and chips for lunch, bacon also

Every now and then we read this stuff about industrial farms with 20,000 chickens in a cage the size of Barbara-Rose Collins’ moo-moo and we think: golly that’s awful maybe we should eat less meat. Or at least eat the Amish/organic/more-expensive-but-better-for-us-and-the-planet stuff they sell at Whole Foods. Then PETA comes along with something so incredibly stupid that all we want to do is eat bacon-wrapped quarter pounders while shopping for fur coats. PETA is trying to purchase historic lighthouses in Grand Haven so they can become anti-fishing propaganda centers. Maybe next Operation Rescue can buy Constitution Hall in Philadelphia and turn it into a fetus shrine. Or Scientologists will acquire the Vietnam Wall and Greta Van Susteren can “audit” Vietnam vets. You know, so they can be “clear” of Xenu’s lies. (DetNews)

Categories : State of the State

4 Comments

1

Works on contingency? No, money down!

2

If Reverend Dave was not on the school board, satirists would have to create him. He’s too easy a target. That’s not to say that he shouldn’t be pounded daily, but this lawsuit is coming from Drs. Scott and Betts with the able assistance of the ubiquitous Anthony Adams. Adams is the one to watch on the school board. He’ll be doing his damnedest to preserve the Detroit way of life against the heathen outsiders Bobb and Bing.

Oh, and here’s an old favorite to keep an eye on, former golden boy Mario Morrow is back! After a brief Western fling that ended abruptly with a DUI (apparently didn’t they know who the **** he was), Morrow is back as Assistant Superintendent and principal of Mumford High. In his spare time, he operates his own political consulting company in Detroit – Detroit government being a joint theocracy-consultancy. When he was fired as Superintendent at Albion, Morrow landed on his feet in the state government as a spokesman for the Department of Energy, Labor and Economic Growth. And they say Granholm can’t create jobs for anyone not named Blackwell. Bobb’s day’s are numbered. Greater glory (OK, Oakland) is calling. If he loses, I expect Arne Duncan will bring him home to DC and the Bush Memorial Department of Education. And then, there will be Morrow, supported by Adams or appointed by Bing, sitting in the big chair at DPS, restoring peace, harmony, corruption, and Black Greeks to DPS. We’ll show Bobb that Detroit will endure!

3

It’s gonna be even better when control of DPS is handed over to Dave “Seems competent because he never says/does anything” Bing. One of the old school cronies should be toadying around the mayors office by now for the gig.

4

I always support the cause of PETA.*,,

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