Aug
20

GUARDIAN BUILDING ISN’T FANCY ENOUGH, CITY WORKERS ARE LIKE TEABAGGERS ONLY DUMBER, AND MATH IS FOR NERDS

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Bob Ficano is either Wayne County’s sun king or the guy in the Money Pit

The Guardian Building is an unquestioned architectural wonder. It’s also an active building with tenants and valet parking and precious ground floor retail. When Wayne County spent $14,000,000 to buy it no one said boo. The county needed an office building and the Guardian was a functioning office building. So why the hell are they spending another $38,000,000 to renovate it? Bathrooms and IT infrastructure, that’s why. $38,000,000 will buy a lot of coaxial for building that already has cable tv in the elevators. And we don’t care how many Cornish game hens Jewel Ware sent out at Christmas, her ass does not need a gold plated toilet seat. (Freep)

Lansing takes to studies like a professional student
Remember that guy in college was really smart and maybe kind of a dick but everyone figured he would be super successful some day? Now you’re like 35 and have a decent career but that guy is still in school. He’s getting his fourth PhD and hopes to get some fellowship money to take post-doctoral courses. Lansing is kind of like that guy. They study endlessly in an effort to avoid actually doing anything for real. Now it’s Andy Dillon’s health insurance idea. In theory, that’s good but “study” is just Lansing speak for killing something that frightens Jennifer Granholm’s delicate constitution. Remember that plan to consolidate state departments? John Cherry has been studying it since the State of the State. Probably around 2011, he’ll defend his dissertation on the subject. (Crains)

It’s about time some of you got jobs
Michigan’s jobless rate fell all the way from 15.2% to 15% last month. Kids, from now on everything is going to be ok. While this is good news, we have to be careful how we re-enter the workforce. Whole segments of the economy (corn chip makers, downscale breweries, Comcast’s porn on demand division) all rely on the unemployeds to stay solvent. So if 0.2% of you people aren’t spending unemployment checks on Fritos and No Man Land’s Gangbang 14, others may suffer. Thus extending the recession. It’s up to the still unemployed to keep spending. Don’t let your wife tell you that spending a Tuesday drinking Schlitz and watching porn is bad. That’s your patriotic duty. You fancy employed folks? Take a sick day and eat Funyuns. For America. (MLive)

City workers protest the wrong thing
God bless the Detroit city worker. The mere thought that someone may impose fiscal responsibility on a shrinking city with a $300,000,000+ structural deficit is enough to send these folks into a righteous rage. They spent yesterday afternoon protesting against this awful attempt to clean up the city’s books. If only that greedy Warren Evans made less everything would be ok. That would save like $15,000 and everyone can keep their jobs. In the meantime, the inept pension boards responsible for these people’s retirement want to build invest in an unnecessary $7,400,000 headquarters over on the east side. Oh sure if you’re a city worker, that’ll probably eat into your pension but you gotta figure a new pension board headquarters will also mean a lot of do nothing jobs. Bureaucracy solidarity! (DetNews, Freep)

Stay classy, Michigan
Some day, when Michigan finally dies for good, the grave marker will read: Here lies Michigan. Voted for George Wallace in 1972. On top of everything else, we’re probably the most racist state that didn’t secede back in 1861. Indiana and Idaho are close but people in Michigan can’t take a shit without worrying about the blacks (or, in the case of Call ‘Em Out and friends, the whites). So is anyone really surprised that some inbred pigfucker burned a cross on some decent person’s lawn in Independence Township. And who knew black people lived in Independence? Now half of the township’s residents are going move north, again. Eventually living in the Detroit suburbs will mean St. Ignace. (Freep)

Welding equals math in Michigan
Your Dyspathy editors only understand math in the context of baseball statistics. We can tell you all about on-base percentage and even VORP but we can’t balance our checkbooks or do long division to save our lives. If we went to high school now, that would be no problem because, instead of taking Algebra II, we could just take welding. Or renewable energy. Is renewable energy even a real class? Or did they make it up because they knew we are all too stupid to pass Algebra II. It totally doesn’t matter anyway because once football season is over, we’re dropping out. Our dads say they can get us jobs at the plant. Then it’s easy living. Boat in the driveway, all kinds of sick days, and the next 30 years to misunderstand Bruce Springsteen’s Glory Days. (DetNews)

Categories : State of the State

3 Comments

1

I know a potato(e) guy at Frito Lay. They buy more potatoes from Michigan than any other state. So, keep eating those chips.

If people get jobs, who is going to scream at our democratic congresspeople/burn crosses on front lawns? That takes spare time.

The St. Ignace thing is funny, unless you’ve lived in the UP and had a bartender tell you “You know, the Mackinac Bridge is the longest bridge in the world. It connects Finland to Africa.”

2

Bob “the Strong Man” Bobb has lowered the boom on teachers. Here’s his proposal for the new contract. Oh, since teacher’s can’t strike (without each striking teacher risking a $7,500 fine), this is what teachers will be forced to take.

(Disclosure: I am one of the 1,200 or so laid off teachers.)

This information comes from the DFT.

Mr. Bobb wants ( and expect will get):

1) a 5 year contract

2) 10% wage cut

3) 20% employee contribution to health plans (fair enough, but tough when salary being cut and frozen for 5 years.)

4) 10% employee contribution to dental plans (ditto)

5) elimination of step raises (paving the way for merit pay)

6) elimination of sick bank pay out on retirement (expect lots of sick days from those nearing retirement.)

7) elimination of the longevity bonus (A small bonus, I think $250, at the end of the year for teachers with 15 years or more with DPS. – I agree that this stupidity should be done away with.)

8) elimination of oversize class compensation (A small bonus at the end of the year if you are stuck with more students that agreed upon in the contract. – The bonus is a dumb idea and should be tossed. But small class size is crucial for learning, and this move by Bobb, along with the huge numbers of teacher layoffs, makes classrooms bursting at the seams likely.)

9) elimination of lost prep period compensation. (Teachers get paid at their hourly rate at the end of the year for all the preps they lost that were not made up. – Getting paid isn’t the answer, getting the preps is. I went a month and half without a prep period this year. That means you work with 25-35 kids from first bell to the last bell with only a 40 minute lunch break. No bathroom break, no coffee break, no time to call parents, review the day’s progress, evaluate kids, deal with behavior problems, … you get the idea. If the district doesn’t have to pay for the time, expect more missed preps and more stressed teachers.)

10) elimination of maternity leave beyond FMLA coverage ( I’m not up to speed on this topic.)

11) elimination of sick bank to retain gross earnings when out on workman’s comp. (I’m not sure what to say about this either.)

12) No use of sick bank for you own wedding. (OK Bobb, you’re right about this one.)

13) Elementary school teachers lose two prep periods a week. (I am/was an elementary school teacher and I speak for all of us on this, I’m sure. Bobb is so focused on high school, he has made it clear that he thinks we at the elementary level are morons who do little more than babysit.)

14) Limiting job protection to teachers called away to armed service to 1 year. (Reservists called up should have their jobs protected wherever they work.)

15) reduce layoff notice from 60 days to 14 days. (Surprise! In two weeks you’re out of a job!)

16) require principal’s signature during Open Transfer period. (Right now, you have a window of time when you can request a transfer without your principal’s approval. This allows you to escape from the hordes of pathetically incompetent and abusive principals that seem to float to the top in DPS administration. Bobb wants those idiots to have the say over whether or not you can leave the Hellhole they created.)

Well, that’s all folks! And you wondered why the smart kids have not interest in being teachers.

3

I have no idea why “8” turned into a emoticon.

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