Sep
09

MICHIGAN IS SO BROKE, MIKE COX EQUALS URBAN LEGEND, AND THE MICHIGAN DEPARTMENT OF COMMUNITY HEALTH IS SMARTER THAN JENNY MCCARTHY

By Woodward's Friend



Papering over the Michigan budget deficit
Few people can side step difficult issues quite like Jennifer Granholm. She’s the queen of the half-measure. Rather than proposing an across-the-board overhaul of Michigan’s tax system so we can actually pay for essential government services like road, schools, and police, Granholm proposed a few extra taxes on dumb things like bottled water, loose tobacco, and sporting events. This plan will go to the legislature where Mike Bishop will complain that taxing bottled water will force poors to drink from the tap or something. Granholm will cave and everyone will agree on some jury-rigged (read: fake) budget numbers. Keep kicking this can further down the road. (Freep)

We’re all poors now
Michiganders insane lust for a tax-free government that provides paved roads and excellent adequate public schools has led us right into the shitter. Those bankruptcy billboards telling you can shed your bills and “keep your stuff?” They aren’t just for people with too many credit cards anymore. Bankruptcy is for municipal governments now. Turns out when we made real estate worthless by completely fucking up the supply/demand curve for housing, we completely destroyed the property tax system that funds local government. Quick we need a solution! Let’s give Dave Pulte tax breaks so he can build more houses and cul de sacs. Problem solved. (MLive)

Dave Bing spoons Henry Hagood
Dave Bing seems willing to jump into bed with every wretched, corrupt political hack in this town. Former Team Kilpatrick member Henry Hagood hosted a Team Bing fundraiser at his house. Hagood lives in Birmingham. That’s interesting because Hagood sold Detroit property below cost to friends and family when he was suckling on the taxpayer teat. One would think Hagood could have arranged such a deal for himself. After all, if he believes in the city so strongly then why not live here? Especially at a discounted price. Naturally, Bing denies even knowing Henry Hagood. See Hagood’s wife, whose brother-in-law is an executive at the Bing Group, threw the fundraiser. Totally innocent. Sigh. (DetNews)

Mike Cox has 4000 point plan to fix Michigan

This is not an urban legend. Mike Cox released a 60-page policy plan with too many bullet points to count. We read candidate plans like Mike Cox investigates Detroit mayors, which is to say superficially. This thing reads like a horrible term paper padded with about 10 extra pages of crap. If you can’t make it good, make it long. Cox has the Andy Dillon plan to consolidate public employee health care and lot of filler. For instance, eliminate the Michigan Business Tax and restore $185,000,000 of higher education funding. Bullet point 148 may read: establish unicorn farms to boost the state’s tourist industry. Or that may be an urban legend. Remember how Mike Cox said allegations against convicted felon Kwame Kilpatrick was urban legend. Mike Cox = urban legend. That’s all you need to know. (MLive)

Swine flu is easily prevented if you aren’t a complete moron

In lieu of interacting with actual black people, much of the “real America” watches Oprah Winfrey on the tv. Makes sense. Like most of the “real America,” Oprah is an imbecile. She believes Jenny McCarthy is qualified to give medical advice such as: small pox and the measles are better than a vaccination for your children. Unlike Oprah, the Michigan Department of Community Health isn’t completely fucking retarded. If you don’t want your kid to be part of the global swine flu pandemic, get them a flu shot. But what do the doctors and scientists at MDCH really know? It’s not like they’ve deluded themselves to believe an invisible purple light surrounds them. Maybe we should get a second opinion from Mitch Albom or “Dr.” Phil. (Freep)


Categories : State of the State

9 Comments

1

My dog is smarter than Jenny McCarthy. YOUR dog is smarter than Jenny McCarthy. DOG THE BOUNTY HUNTER is… okay, that may be pushing it.

2

In fact the only people I can think of who are NOT smarter than Jenny McCarthy are the tinfoil-hatted teabaggers who refuse to give their kids a polio shot because there’s a quadrillion-to-one chance it may cause cancer.

3

I also wouldn’t fuck Jenny McCarthy with Bea Arthur’s dick.

4

Go with Christ, brah…

5

“We’re all poors know” is totally fucking true but you’ll sound smarter if you fix the typo.

Also, I think Andy Dillon is gearing up for a run which means we could have a shot at survival. Sure has been in the paper a lot. Mike “Urban Legend” Cox(smith) had to go easy on the K-man because Mr. Livonia Family Values was polling his staff in the stairwell. How does me smooth that over to run for Love Gov?

6

Wow that’s an embarassing typo on my end. I need to ingest more caffeine before writing this shit.

7

DF, I think you had too much caffeine, but I do agree with the comments on Ms. McCarthy. What a stupid and irresponsible parent. Let me add: Hey Bitch, no one forces you to be a parent and fuck you if my kid gets measles and dies because your dumb ass brat isn’t vaccinated. When I was in school in the 70’s, no one even questioned vaccines; now they’re used as the scapegoat for everything from autism to chronic health problems. Shit happens, you morons, deal with it and if you won’t vaccinate your kids, stay the fuck in your homes—do not leave–and grow your own food, and live in your own crazy little disease-ridden colony, kinda like the old-timey lepar colonies.

Governor Dillon? Geez, don’t know if I am ready for that, but I guess nothing could be worse than Jenny or Mike’s Cox.

8

Everyone with their current hat in the ring is a miserable candidate with the exception of Andy D. Rick Snyder blew it when he hired Republi-hacks who keep losing elections here to run his campaign.

Sigh.

The unions will be after Andy in force, tho, unless he’s got something for them. Could be a good show.

9

what about john cherry? he has the word cherry in his name, he has to be a great guy!

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