Two years ago this November, Democrats booted old John Dingell from his committee chairmanship. Now voters are maybe, not really, thinking about booting Team Dingell from Congress. After all that Debbie Dingell has done for you, this is how you repay her? Thinking about maybe, not really, voting for a non-Dingell? For shame. At the end of the day, this story has more to do with the Shauer-Walberg and Peters-Raczkowski races because the Democrats will have to spend finite campaign money on what should be one of their safest seats. Still maybe I should, not really, get started re-writing The Wreck of the John Dingell. (MLive) Read More→

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Have I mentioned the Hour Detroit article about local bloggers, where they called Dyspathy “a Detroit-focused print-version of The Daily Show?” Well, they did. And in that story I disparaged the quality of local punditry. Today’s State of the State is devoted to the chattering class’ worst offenders. – WF

Tom Walsh must’ve done something awful, and Dan Gilbert has the pictures
Corporations like to do public service. Donations to good causes, employee service days, participation in fund drives or mentorship programs, it’s all pretty standard stuff. Except when Quicken Loans does it. Then it merits a 600-word Sunday column from Tom Walsh. A man who, despite all evidence the contrary, believes Quicken only sold “plain vanilla” mortgages. Anyway, Quicken’s good works will save Detroit. Jesus Christ. Detroit needs many things. However, one thing Detroit doesn’t need to a few hundred flannel-suited Babbitts “saving” the city when they aren’t pitching smartARMs to the hoi polloi. (Freep) Read More→

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On an unrelated note, check out the October issue of Hour Detroit. Alexa Stanard’s three-page spread on local bloggers gives Dyspathy far more credit than it deserves. The good words from Detroitblogger John were particularly generous. There’s also a picture of some guy who lost 400 pounds. But that’s a different story.

Categories : Weekend Filler
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Today’s State of the State comes from a long-time Dyspathy fan who, because of his affiliation with the Federal Witness Protection Program (which we can neither confirm nor deny), is using the double pseudonym Morningside. – WF

GEORGE JACKSON STILL A HORSE’S ASS (ER, HEAD) (ER, ASS)

Producers of the hit Showtime series Weeds are fuming this morning after learning of local efforts to clean up the corner of Michigan and Trumbull.Inspired by HBO’s recent Detroit success, Weedsexecs had planned to shoot part of Season 6 on the neglected grounds of old Tiger Stadium. “The setting was ideal,” says bigshot producer Jackson Woltz. “The weeds behind home plate were fucking 6-feet-tall. That crap was higher than Kevin Nealon on (a) Saturday Night!”

But with nearly all the weeds at The Corner now cut down to size, Woltz and company are resigned to scouting other locations. “George Jackson promised me weed — er,weeds!” Woltz says. “This. Is. Ridiculous. And a man. In my position. Cannot afford. To be made. To look ridiculous!” Read More→

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Today’s guest blogger, long-time Dyspathy stalwart Downriver’s Friend, literally swam up the Rouge River to deliver this State of the State – WF

It all fits like a…well, you know
When Bobby Ferguson wasn’t out screwing the taxpayers of Detroit, he was in his office screwing… apparently anyone who walked in. Among the items FBI agents seized when they raided Bobby’s place of business on Wyoming were condoms. And a black glove. And close to a million dollars in cash. Obviously to pay for Kwame’s restitution. Or a flight to Rio. Either way, Bobby could use the rubbers in prison. Up till now, nobody’s never given him anything. Here’s hoping some fellow inmate gives him an ass-panda. Also syphilis. (Freep) Read More→

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Today’s guest State of the State comes from long-time commenter “grandcircus.” I assume he wrote it under the watchful eye of Hazen Pingree, who approves of Bob Ufer references. Because Ufer once sold him life insurance. – WF

The Olds Have Spoken
Horse Cops were required to keep old people angry about vegetables growing in their neighborhoods at bay while the geriatric mayor announced his plan to form some committees to plan to implement a plan of implementation.  “I’m 83 years old. I want to know what you’re going to do in a year or two,” Janice Mayes shouted during one of the focus groups. “God knows I’m not going to be alive to see no 20 years.”  Neither is the mayor, Janice. (Freep) (Detnews) Read More→

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I don’t believe you can truly understand Detroit without first understanding Vaclav Havel. His absurdist dramas, based the society and government of a Soviet-dominated Czechoslovakia, easily reflect the culture of Detroit’s government, corporations, and civic life. Endless bureaucracy for the sake of bureaucracy, content-free jargon, and the overriding timidity of groupthink. Havel’s Czechoslovakia is our Detroit.

This town spent a quarter of a century believing there was a fundamental difference between a Ford Taurus and a Mercury Sable. Anyone care to discuss whether Detroit witnessed a riot or a rebellion in 1967? Before we do that, let me first tell the Department of Liquidation to inaugurate the Department of Inauguration, which will liquidate the Department of Liquidation.

Nowhere is Detroit’s absurdism more on display than Team Bing’s plan to right-size… apologies, “wrong word”…redefine Detroit. Wait, I’m sorry, there is no plan. Just a Strategic Framework Plan. Called The Detroit Works Project. Not to be confused with Michigan Works. If it sounds confusing, don’t worry because there are a lot of really smart people running The Detroit Works Project. A whole lot of people. Read More→

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Recovering Detroit journalist and all around friend of the program Alan Stamm fills in today as I’m working on other projects. One of those projects, I can now announce, is analysis of the 1969 Roman Gribbs-Richard Austin mayoral race for the Free Press. It follows Jim Holly’s timely essay about Carolyn Cheeks-Kilpatrick. It’s part of a larger series: Remembrances of Candidates Past or In Search of Lost Elections. And thanks again to Alan. — WF

Of all the figures of speech, look what seemed apt somehow
Maybe it was the cameras or maybe Bobby Ferguson likes to start his week in style, even if the first errand is a fed court arraignment. The accused bid-rigger and money-washer came decked in alligator shoes, a suit with snazzy pocket square and a paisley tie. That cravat was just the visible neckwear, as defense lawyer Gerald Evelyn tells it: “They’re hanging things around his neck that have nothing to do with the charges.” Not too subtle in slinging racial imagery, this barrister with a gender-balanced name and a client who was relieved of more than $980,000 in cash and cashier’s checks by the FBI last week. (News, Freep) Read More→

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Mrs. O’Leary should shoot that damn cow
Remember learning about the Great Chicago Fire in history class and how 19th century cities were basically tinderboxes on the brink of burning down? That’s pretty much the reality of life in present day Detroit. As we learned during last night’s 85 fires, a little wind and an illegal power hook-up can pretty much burn Detroit to the ground. Also a dangerously undermanned, underequipped fire department. Like in Backdraft! Damn you Alderman Swazack. Get yourself a fire extinguisher, a garden hose, and pray for Chapter 9. This town is maybe one budget cut away from open sewers and roving gangs of cockney pickpockets. (Freep)

A bellwether day of awfulness
If the 85 fires (all caused by flammable high winds) wasn’t enough of a punch in balls, how about the shooting at Mumford High? On the first day of school. Robert “Bob” Bobb’s late bus doesn’t seem like a big deal anymore. Our good friend, the Rev. Reverend David Murray, explained on WDET last summer how the school board’s stellar efforts reduced school violence. He ignored the recent Cody shooting because it technically happened away from school grounds. Using that logic we can discount this shooting because it started with a summertime feud. When school wasn’t in session. Everything is super. (Freep) Read More→

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Labor Day in D minor
The struggle of the proletariat continues, and this time the songs of the Red Book will be performed in full symphonic orchestration. Because the Detroit Symphony Orchestra is the new battleground in the epic fight to control the means of production. Once they get justice, the bosses will finally respect the working class. Or something. And Lansing anger bear Virg Bernero will make sure Rick “Michigan” Snyder doesn’t tuk ur jibs. By losing the gubernatorial election. Also Jesse Jackson showed up. Again. Doesn’t he have somewhere else he can go? Apparently not. Worst. Labor Day. Ever. (DetNews)

Rick Snyder: working class hero
When famous nerd Rick “Michigan” Snyder was busy reading Fortune Magazine at age eight, America’s future carpenters were probably doing something less nerd-like. Maybe playing baseball, climbing trees, or giving Rick Snyder a wedgie. Oh, but it was all in good fun and everything is forgiven now. They endorsed Snyder because even these humble carpenters (just like Jesus!) understand Snyder’s brilliant plan to save Michigan. Maybe they can explain it to those dullards in the legislature. (Freep) Read More→

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