Rick Snyder outsources another job
Michigan has four gubernatorial campaigns worth of unemployed Republican flacks. Does famous nerd Rick “Michigan” Snyder hire any of them? Nope. He’s outsourcing work to Democrat Chris DeWitt, genius behind A Whole Lotta People Supporting John Cherry. This is what Lansing anger bear Virg Bernero warned us about. It starts with Michigan Democrats, next he’ll hire Ohio Republicans, and he eventually staffs his entire administration with Bharatiya Janata Party operatives. Jon Yob is reduced to consulting school board elections in the U.P. while Saul Anuzis becomes an x-ray tech. And no one will understand the guests on Off The Record. (Crains)

Rochelle Riley wants to outlaw already illegal behavior
It’s really horrible how those people stole that money from the Detroit Public Schools. There should be some kind of law to protect school children from this kind of graft and malfeasance. Kym Worthy will have to write these people stern letters asking them to never steal from DPS again because, without new laws, there’s just no way to prosecute these thieves. That explains why DPS was mired in a culture of corruption for so long. A lack of laws. Thanks, Rochelle! (Freep) Read More→

Categories : State of the State
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Poor thing, she’s lost her mind.

Categories : Big Important News
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Categories : Weekend Filler
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By now you’ve heard about the theft of the mayoral vehicle’s wheels. No doubt taken by the same suburbian interests who stole Cobo Hall and DPS. Seriously what the hell people? Who steals Dave Bing’s rims? He seems like a factory-issue wheel kind of guy.

Whatever, we can never allow this to happen again. As Mayor Bing himself recently explained, it’s up to citizens to stop crime because God knows the DPD can’t. Dyspathy is here to help. This humble blog will draw a line in the sand, and say no more. To ensure Mayoral rims will never go gently into that good night (or the gray-market aftermarket supply chain, as it were) we searched The Amazon (Internet Wal-Mart) to create this handy wheel lock buying guide: Read More→

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Free the DPS Four!
Noted neo-fascist despot Robert “Bob” Bobb and his jack-booted lackey Kym Worthy launched a full-scale assault upon the sacred right of local control of the Detroit Public Schools, and by extension, the entire diaspora of oppressed peoples. They unjustly indicted Gwendolyn Miller, Eugenia Rose Holimon, Eric Holimon, and Robert Gibson spent DPS money without submitting to bourgeois-capitalist-suburbian notions of “propriety.” Who are these reactionary outsiders to tell DPS workers (and their kids) how to spend the people’s money? If mistakes were made it’s because the system lacks the safe guards of true participatory democracy. Like a revolutionary vanguard Councils of Elder to oversee DPS spending in an anti-racist, anti-sexist, anti-imperialist manner. </sheahowell>  (Freep)

This is where Frank Beckmann’s head explodes
The Great Voice of Great Lakes pollution will have a tough time explaining this to WJR’s target audience of aged ignorants. The wholesome, patriotic job creators at Enbridge Oil hired illegal immigrants to clean up the Enbridge oil spill. Illegal immigrants from Mexico who tuk r jibs and make you press “1” for English! They’re all jihadists too. Or they would be if they weren’t, you know, mostly Catholic. Hopefully we can get that fence built before more Mexicans are willing to clean up our waterways and forests for a modest wage. I just want my country back! (DetNews) Read More→

Categories : State of the State
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Michigan employers have high standards
You people probably still think getting a job is easy. Scrape through high school or get your equivalency, and your old man can get you in at the plant. Look losers, it doesn’t work that way anymore. Because Asians with better math skills will do the same work as you for less money. And they won’t call in “sick” every time they have twelve beers while watching a hockey game on a Tuesday night. You’ll have to try a little harder to land that dream cubicle because there are 8.24 work-seeking Michiganders for every available job. You know how we get full employment? One hour work days. Eight people can fill one job. (MLive)

Thinning out the November ballot
Voting can be hard. All those candidates and proposals and little circles to fill in with a black marker. The good news here is your November ballot won’t be as hard as it could’ve been. Detroit voters won’t have to decide if possession of less than an ounce of marijuana should be legal. Statewide, we won’t have to consider the fake candidates from the fake Tea Party. Next they should replace all those words with pictures of the candidates. Then voting will be like ordering dinner at Applebees. (Freep, DetNews) Read More→

Categories : State of the State
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I don’t want to rush the Big Guy, but it’s been 20 hours since Detroiters (including state Representative David Nathan) gathered at Campus Martius to pray the recession away. I figure if He can create the heavens and the earth and all the rest in six days, it shouldn’t take Him but a few hours to create a financial breakthrough. So did the praying work or what?

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Socialist federal government hurts Frank Beckmann’s feelings
The Great Voice of Great Lakes Pollution, Frank Beckmann, will not like reading about this. Assuming he possesses the cognitive capacity to read. The government won’t let the God-fearing, patriotic job creators at Enbridge Oil re-open their beloved oil pipeline. Even though said pipeline generously donated oil to the rivers and streams that feed our Great Lakes. Why do radical environmentalists, i.e. Republican Congressman Fred Upton, keep hassling this wonderful company? Thank the Christ Jesus brave media personalities like Frank Beckmann defend the little guy. Which is corporate America. (Michigan Messenger)

Do we need a Jesse Jackson-Detroit drinking game?
The formerly relevant Jackson is spending a lot of time in Detroit. Move over Time Magazine, Jesse Jackson is your new Assignment Detroit! Rule #1: Whenever Jesse Jackson refers to Detroit as the economic crisis “ground zero,”, drink. Rule #1a: If one of his Dominionist friends, say the right Reverend Charles Ellis (praised be His name), opposes building a mosque on the ground zero of the economic crisis, drink while eating a Slow’s Triple Threat Pork sandwich. On a Sunday. With a gay friend. Add your own Jesse Jackson drinking game rules as you see fit. (DetNews) Read More→

Categories : State of the State
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While the Republicans are busy eating their own, the Democrats are holding the boringest political convention since anyone paid attention to the Prohibition Party. Jocelyn Benson and David Leyton were pre-nominated months ago. And everyone loves Lansing anger bear Virg Bernero. Except for Andy Dillon, but he’s probably still on vacation. Anyway, the only remotely exciting thing to happen at the Democratic convention was unveiling Virg Bernero’s LG choice. Read More→

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Famous nerd Rick “Michigan” Snyder found himself a nice, outstate conservative to be his running mate, so everyone thought right-wingers would be happy. Everyone forgot that regular ‘Mericans just want their country back. And they won’t put up with these corrupt backroom deals whereby a party’s elected gubernatorial nominee selects his or her running mate, as is the long-standing custom. Read More→

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