C. Montgomery “Matty” Moroun listens to Art Garfunkel’s soaring vocals while plotting evil Not content with owning the world’s only privately held border crossing, and paying political whores to disregard the best interests of our nation’s security, Moroun wants to build a floating “on demand” bridge as a kind of emergency back up. Great. Now that withered old corpse will be on Comcast... Read more→

Canada is your new Frank Burns Corporal Maxwell Klinger just wanted to serve America. And wear a pretty dress. Same with fellow Lebanese-American C. Montgomery “Matty” Moroun. He’d also like a new bridge to go with the pretty dress. The problem is Canada – with help from their Manchurian Candidate Jennifer Granholm and her American operator Brooks Patterson - is trying to thwart Moroun’s... Read more→

Gang Squad attacks innocents, which is good Instead of arresting criminals, the DPD Gang Squad is busy attacking civilians in the middle of the day for kicks or whatever. We’ve all seen Serpico. What’s going on here should be obvious. This police brutality is actually a good thing because, according the Michigan Citizen, anti-gang policing is really the running dog lackeys of capitalist oppression’s... Read more→

State to demolish Matty Moroun’s sunblocker This was a tough weekend for Mr. Smithers Dan Stamper. His boss, and object of his homoerotic fantasies, C. Montgomery “Matty” Moroun, has to demolish his fancy new duty free store because the Bridge Company violated pesky property laws. Typical government over-regulation. These judges, with their “precedent” and “rule of law,” don’t care... Read more→

Carl Marlinga is the new Mr. Smithers Remember that guy? He was something in Macomb County until that shady campaign finance thing that he was totally acquitted for way back whenever. Vaguely? Well remember when Marlinga wrote to Barack Obama begging to be considered for the U.S. Attorney job? Oh, that slob! Now you remember. He’s C. Montgomery Burns’ Matty Moroun’s lawyer now. They’re suing... Read more→

Robert Bobb wants the truth Bobb, we live in a city with schools and those schools has to be fleeced by men with connections. Who’s going to do it? You? You, Lt. Weinberg? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for the schools and curse the kleptocracy; you have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that schools failing, while tragic, probably... Read more→

Rayford Jackson surrounds himself with large men The local shit processing mogul pleaded guilty to bribing Monica Conyers Councilperson A yesterday. He took the deal but he’s no rat. Except of course for that part about the Councilperson he bribed. Hey good luck with that no snitching thing. Jackson surrounded himself, in and out of court, by a veritable bukkake of large male bodyguards. We aren’t... Read more→