How ya gonna keep them down on the urban farm after they’ve seen the lights of Toledo? Laura Berman has her granny panties in a bunch because the University of Toledo offers scholarships (promoted by the Red Wings) to Detroit-area students. Ohio is stealing our children! And the Red Wings are helping! These people put peppers on hot dogs. Imagine that Mandrake, in front of children, they put peppers... Read more→

State to demolish Matty Moroun’s sunblocker This was a tough weekend for Mr. Smithers Dan Stamper. His boss, and object of his homoerotic fantasies, C. Montgomery “Matty” Moroun, has to demolish his fancy new duty free store because the Bridge Company violated pesky property laws. Typical government over-regulation. These judges, with their “precedent” and “rule of law,” don’t care... Read more→

Monica’s Brassiere Emporium and Sam Riddle makes a good point The convicted felon wife of House Judiciary Chairman John Conyers was out shopping one day and decided she wanted to open a bra store. Monica’s Secret? Monica’s of Rosedale Park? John’s Closet? If she does open her unmentionables outlet, we’ll totally give her a free ad the on the sidebar. Provided Monica doesn’t model the... Read more→

A very al-Qaeda Christmas Famous trustifarian closet case Osama Bin Laden isn’t content tagging his rent boys. Instead, he sends them to blow up airplanes. Everyone has a fetish. Bin Laden’s latest twink failed like a bitch, so we worry if the terrorists are just taking cheap shots at Detroit. New drinking game rule! If someone suggests al-Qaeda hates our Detroits, go to Slows, wash down a Triple... Read more→

Mike Cox slaps Asian carp victims in the face Foreign terrorists, known as Asian carp, attack our homeland and hate our freedoms. Elitist trial lawyer Mike Cox will let these evil doers use our legal system as another platform to attack America. It’s bad enough they’ve invaded Chicago Sanitary and Ship Canal but now they’ll torment their victims, i.e. trout, again. In our courts! This is not... Read more→

Barbara-Rose Collins, Martha-Rose Reeves want cars You heartless bastards. Poor Martha Reeves is so heartbroken that she doesn’t get to be a Councillady anymore. The least you people can do is let her buy a city Crown Victoria. For the memories. The mean Bing Administration says the city can’t afford to sell perfectly good used cars on the cheap to every geriatric dingbat that wants one. Joann... Read more→

Peter Hoekstra is kind of a coward Oh my God! Oh my God! The terrorists are coming to America! In the custody of federal agents! And it’s causing us to use exclamation points like Upton Sinclair! Oh sure Dyspathy, you think we’re safe because the terrorists are housed in federal supermax prisons under the watch of U.S. Marshals but think about this, the Marshal’s are part of the same federal... Read more→

Dubious theological sentiment is Detroit’s last, best hope You know those TV preachers that promised you’ll get rich if you send your last $1000 to their…ahem…ministry? Who is so desperate as to believe that crap? Detroit, apparently. Local religious leaders are praying for a Biblically-proportioned miracle to save our wretched modern Babylon. A flood would be nice. Anyone who confuses prosperity... Read more→

Legal eagles face an ethics hearing Lawyers for the City of Detroit worked out a settlement deal with Gary Brown’s attorneys that benefited, not their client the City of Detroit but, convicted felon Kwame Kilpatrick. The negotiation involved a ham-fisted series of envelope hand-offs in parking lots, threats not quite made, and promises sort of agreed to. The world hasn’t seen lawyering this absurd... Read more→