Today’s the day the teddy bears have their picnic The Michigan Tea Party party is as poorly executed as any political dirty trick since Gordon Liddy didn’t train Cubans to properly tape a door-latch. Leave aside that everyone attached to this farce is connected to the Democrats or the UAW. Forget they’re the most secretive political party since Millard Fillmore attempted a comeback. Just... Read more→

Mike “Tiny” Cox defends Arizona Cox is fed up with all these immigrants stealing lucrative migrant work from real ‘Mericans. That’s why he supports Arizona’s right to lock up illegal immigrants in government jails, where taxpayers can pay for their room and board. No more immigrants hanging out in Home Depot parking lots trying to tukrjibs! Cox’s stance makes sense because Michigan is... Read more→

Capital Beltway is John Conyers’ Maginot Line For people who keep Mike Allen atop their RSS readers, aged coward John Conyers is a swell guy. Even if his delusional sociopath of a wife used his brand name, with his explicit permission and support, to loot Detroit. Conyers shouldn’t have to answer questions about that. And no one should ask those questions, either. At least if they want to attend... Read more→

Pistols at dawn, white pants after Memorial Day In more civilized times, one understood that ungentlemanly behavior would result in a duel. Ten paces and all of that. Activist judges and liberal know-it-all politicians did away with this noble tradition years ago, but there’s a movement afoot to decriminalize these gentile mores of a simpler time. Lansing may revoke laws against dueling. And... Read more→

Crazed, naked gunman reminds us of Sting We hate Sting. In addition to being a rock star (of sorts), the former Police frontman is married to an ex-model, lives in a castle, and is some kind of tantra sex expert. That’s too much for one person. You can have two or three of those things but not all four. Which brings us to this lunatic outside of WDIV. He shot this rickety old pistol into the air... Read more→

It’s not a budgetary trick, it’s an illusion Dave Bing said he cut his mayoral staff. But did he? Maybe he shifted them around so their would be off-the-books. Using magic. Tah-dah! City Council wants to know how he pulled off this David Blaine-like illusion, but the administration (admagication?) doesn’t reveal its secrets. Probably they have a mirror set up on the CAYMAC’s 11th floor to... Read more→

Worrying about shit that doesn’t matter Terrible mayoral spokeswoman Karen Dumas and the Right Reverend Horace Sheffield (praised be His name) are angry because superficial tv reporter Chris Hansen did a superficial tv report about Detroit. Detroit is under attack, and it’s ruining our precious jewels. All this plucky little city needs is some positivity. Bad PR  is responsible for Detroit’s... Read more→

Local fundamentalists issue fatwa against SMART bus An atheist group bought advertising on the local bus. It seemed like a good idea because SMART buses stop every two blocks so people have plenty of opportunities to read the atheists slogan. Local fundies don’t like blasphemy on the baby Jesus’ buses. These holy warriors vandalized the atheist signs, and now the secular humanist bureaucrats... Read more→

The Congressmother is in trouble As Hal Holbrook’s Deep Throat told Robert Redford’s Bob Woodward, a conspiracy like this you build from the outer edges and go step by step. Shoot too high and miss, everyone feels safer. The Feds must be inside the castle walls. They’re dragging Carolyn Cheeks-Kilpatrick’s office manager before the grand jury. Hopefully, for her sake, the Congressmother’s... Read more→

Now we know why Monica Conyers failed the Bar Exam like 42 times. Last summer she plead guilty but, when the time came for sentencing, she was like: I was framed. Here’s the thing Mon, when you plead guilty and admit your crimes in open court, well, that kind of proves you’re guilty. If they didn’t teach that at the University of DC law school, maybe your husband, the Chairman of the... Read more→